I met a guy 8 years ago, we dated for a little bit and then it faded away and we stopped seeing each other.
Suddenly, I get an email from him. We saw each other and decided to spend sometime together as we are both grown ups and single. So basically, we were friends with benefits, which was fine with me.
So suddenly, he changes the rules, he ambushed me into meeting his entire family. I never had any intention to meet them, as our relationship was not that serious. After that weekend, yes it was an entire weekend with his brothers, wives and kids, he started telling me that he loved me. I had no idea what to say, so I would change the subject or pretend nothing was said. I know it’s not very nice but I thought it was nicer than replying to him saying I love you with “well I don’t” and I can’t lie about loving someone, I find that cruel and extremely unfair.
One month ago he dumps me, he met somebody who wants a serious relationship who is not as cold and unattainable as me.
Ok that’s fine I do hope you are happy with her and that she returns all that you feel for her. Where I take offense and I get a little pissed off is saying that I’m cold and unattainable, I find that unfair as I thought I was being somewhat nice by not lying about my feelings for him. He changed I didn’t.
And there’s also the fact that he told me all that by text messages, but I swallowed everything I wanted to say (that would’ve been mostly insulting) and wished him well. Now, since the middle of last week, he won’t stop writing me, once a day I get a text from him, asking me if I’m ok, how I’m handling everything, how’s life??? WHAT? WHY does he keep writing me? Isn’t he suppose to be with this woman who warm and attainable?
The older I get the less I understand them. I swear I’m giving men up and becoming an old crazy cat lady.
What’s hard to understand? Miss Warm and Attainable is out of the picture, and he’s retreating to his last solid relationship position. I watched a friend of mine do that for years - dump a guy for someone she thought was better (usually a doctor :rolleyes:), get dumped herself, and start pestering the last person she dumped, even if it had been months. Every single time she was stunned she wasn’t welcomed back. Just shrug and say “Eh… humans” - it’s what I do.
I thought cars were supposed to be inexplicable too?
He sounds like he never grasped how you felt about the relationship and projected his own feelings about it onto you. Or something. I don’t know. All I know is I’m worried my FWB is going to try to introduce me to her family. No thanks.
I’m totally going with my Crazy Cat Lady Plan.
I spent 3 recent years with the man who I always called the first love of my life, because we’d had a “thing” way back when we were teens, and eventually got back together after not seeing each other in 30 years. Very romantic. How I loved that boy!
He turned out to be controlling, possessive, bossy, didn’t like my pets, and frankly was just fucking weird. Everything he thinks he knows about women, he learned from sitcoms, truck drivers, and porn. So he really had a hard time dealing with an independent woman who has her own ideas about how she wants her life to be.
Back in August, he literally went out for coffee and never came back. (He didn’t live with me, just visited overnight on weekends.) Broke up with me by text a few hours later. All this with absolutely no warning, mostly because one of the cats scratched up a chair and it made him upset and I should have KNOWN it was upsetting him. Because, presumably, I’m psychic.
Holy cow. Good riddance, loving my cats and dogs, catch ya on the flip ya loser. Life is so GOOD now!
Sorry for the rant, just got carried away. But, like your former fella, this guy has decided he’s lonely and wants me back, and has been bugging me off and on ever since. I’ve not given him one iota of encouragement and have flatly refused to see him even ONE time, and he still sends me texts reading “xoxoxox”. Finally last week he got mad and said he could read between the lines and hasn’t contacted me since. I’m crossing my fingers.
Get another cat, that’s my advice.
Does one have to be female to be a crazy old cat lady? Also, are the cats an actual requirement or more a physical manifestation of certain self-imposed boundaries. I’m hoping the later and that I can substitute about a dozen PC’s and servers for the cats. I think the message they send is just as clear and unmistakable.
If you can’t walk into a room in my house without hearing the whining and purring of a computer and I’m always talking about how they’re doing, how much they eat (electricity), their health needs (cost of upgrades) and so on, it’s really sort of the same thing and I should be treated the same way. It’s a matter of fundamental fairness I tell you.
Epbrown01, I know it’s not that hard to understand, but still I don’t really get it. The one thing I didn’t mention is that I have his toolbox here as he was suppose to fix a couple of things around my place. I asked him when he would pick it up and he will not answer. Since I decided that he was “balls less” he’s afraid to face me, poor guy! I did warn him about not coming at me for sex ever again LOL
Papergirl, I understand you and you can rant as much as you want. For now though I’ll keep the one cat LOL
Hence the shrug. I see where you’re coming from - you get why he’s doing it, but what you don’t get is why he doesn’t realize he’s being stupid. My bet would be he had a parent that was unfaithful but they stayed together. That’s the most common correlation I see with this behavior.
Why do you keep avoiding telling him how you feel? Why didn’t you refuse to go on the family weekend?
I don’t think it’s rude to be upfront about your feelings in a relationship. You’re close enough to share bodily fluid, you’re close enough to say “I’m not going to meet your family.”
Now you want this guy out of your life but it’s too rude to tell him that his texts are stupid and he needs to chill out?
Take a stand! Stop leading this guy on and he will stop bothering you!
Well I seriously thought I had made myself clear at the beginning, but apparently not. His declaration of love caught me totally off guard, I didn’t see it coming at all (mind you I never see things like that coming).
As for meeting his family, as I said I was ambushed. We were going to the cabin for the weekend and his brother and his wife might stop by. OK one brother I can handle. But when I got there the entire family was there and then it’s not really the time to get into it with him. And I didn’t feel like making a scene by getting back in my car and driving away. But I did tell him I was very unhappy about the ambush and didn’t appreciate it. His reply was that he knew if he had told me about it beforehand I would not have shown up. Yeah! y’a think??? So I’m thinking he knew what I was feeling all along.
As soon as he picks up his stuff from my place, he’ll be out of my life for good. Even though I told him we could still be friends without benefits as he a nice enough guy. But I realize that’s not working out for him.
Believe me I’m really not leading him on, at least I don’t think I do, I never once initiated a conversation with him, not 8 years ago not 7 months ago and not in the last two weeks. But I can’t be mean to him.
Let’s not mix our tropes here. The guys in the woods with dogs and guns are all former special ops branch super-men that we occasionally consult to save the world. The Crazy Cat Lady’s male equivalent is Comic Book Geek Guy.
Ambushing you sucks. Doing all his communicating via text sucks. I basically empathize with you. But . . .
. . . I don’t think that you can hold it against anyone for “changing the rules,” because there aren’t any. You can’t set out rules for how one is supposed to feel, and then get pissed when a person begins to feel differently. And, if you’re going to go stay with him at his cabin for the weekend, I suggest that the relationship was already somewhere beyond friends-with-benefits.
But I thought Comic Book Geeks have a maximum age, after which they mysteriously disappear. Crazy Cat Ladies have no age limit—they can be anwhere between 30* and 90 yrs old.
But comic book geeks are always young. At least on TV. (“young” being defined as “don’t have grey hair”).
*Below age 30, she’s not a crazy cat lady—she’s just a crazy person. Young women can have cats and still be looking for a lover. It’s when the cat replaces the boyfriend that she becomes the CCL.
