Reading a thread in MPSIMS, a comment was made to the effect that “lunch is friendly, dinner is a date”.
Obviously this isn’t always strictly true, but it seems a fair rule of thumb to me. But how do other variables change this? If you’re friends at work or in the community, or know each other well in some other social setting already, does the idea of dinner become more innocuous?
What about if it’s dinner at home? At the club? At McDonald’s? (Surely the latter says “just friends”…) And if drinks are involved?
At what point is one half not to be blamed if they think it’s a date? Or when can the other half assure themselves that it’s not a date?
If you have had sex with the other party or you are trying to have sex with the other party or would like to have sex with the other party but are afraid to try, it is a date.
In my case, lunch can be a date, dinner is zzzzzorry… (morning person. Sorry. I’ll do “movie and early dinner”, but don’t call me for “dinner and a movie”)
I like don’t ask’s definition, but I think this is one case where one whould actually do ask.
It’s a date when both people agree it’s a date. If you’re not sure, ask. If you can’t have a simple conversation about something so basic, you don’t have a shot together anyway, so you have nothing to lose.
If you have to ask, it’s generally not a date.
I think the dinner/lunch distinction is kind of dumb, myself. Of course, that opinion is likely colored by an unpredictable schedule and not much time during the workday–lunch with a friend is a real pain in the ass to pull off and it’s much simpler to just do dinner instead. Given the way people’s schedules seem to be any more, surely that’s not unusual.
I hope that I’m not overstepping my bounds here. I get the impression that the OP is looking for concrete, objective examples, considering that every example provided could be determined conclusively by an outside observer. (No one wonders whether or not a McDonald’s really is a McDonald’s.)
By contrast, I feel like some of the responses are decidedly subjective.
I don’t think you’re going to get anything that’s both concrete and universal. I’ve been on lunches that were clearly dates and dinners that were clearly just friends. I think that the best yardstick is that both parties understand it to be one or the other. Of course, there are times when the participants don’t agree on what it is.
The other night I met a woman for dinner. It started and ended with a hug. Immediately afterwards I met a different woman for coffee. That also started and ended with a hug. Which was the date and which was friendship?
True, but I think there are some concrete things that you might point to as an indicator. For example, I’d be more inclined to think it’s a date if the man was paying than if he expected me to pay. If I get together for a date after work, I’m more likely to re-apply my makeup, whereas with a friend I’d probably just stick to whatever I put on that morning. If the man says “take you out,” that phrase is more indicative of a date than “let’s go ___.” These are not fool-proof indicators one way or the other, but they are concrete examples of what might suggest that something is a date.
Well, I hope neither circumstance is a date, because my wife might not like that. I don’t regard them as dates, but I’ve not asked my wife her opinion. :eek:
Obviously it’s not my wife I’m talking about dining with.
