Another crappy part of divorce is the realization that it’s more difficult to maintain your current standard of living when the same amount of money has to now support 2 households. You’d think that would be common sense, but it’s not.
And it always cracks me up when people (not just women) are “surprised” to discover things that they should already know. Seriously, she didn’t know how much equity in the house you had, or how much debt you have? That’s just shocking to me.
I urge you to remain calm, and also to not lose sight of the fact that
You owe this woman absolutely nothing more than the letter of the law, or the decision of a court stipulates. This is a classic emotional blackmail move, and it’s up to you to recognize it as such.
Fuck her, man.
You can be civil, you can be mature, you can be fair. But make no mistake: this is war. There most certainly is a Geneva Convention for these situations, but dude: take no prisoners.
You don’t tear down something that took over a dozen years to build, without pain. Get your own lawyer, as wisely suggested by your compatriots
Hague Convention. 
As a broad brush generality, the primary care giver expects to keep the house, the primary wage earner expects to keep the pension, and both cry that he or she will not have enough to live on. At it’s bluntest, the wife cries that she and the kids will be on the street, while the husband cries that he will have to leave the country because he will not have enough to live on.
Family lawyers spend a lot of time finding politically correct, warm and fuzzy phrases to express “Grow a set,” for a many clients hem and haw and delay and create complex sand castles in their minds rather than simply recognize the simple facts that there is extremely clear law on how property is to be split and child support is to be paid, that there is substantially clear law on how spousal support is to be paid, and that two households must now be run on the same income that previously supported one household.
I should just forward this message to my wife. Very well put Muffin.
I would like to encourage you to stop thinking of the split of assets as strictly between you and her, unless you plan to have primary custody of your children.
I’m not sure what you are getting at here. After the assets are split it looks like I will be providing approximately $2,000 a month in child care and alimony. Is there a reason I shouldn’t be expecting half of the assets?
I don’t get why you have to provide alimony when she works. Even if she doesn’t make as much as you, won’t the child support make up the difference? Why does she get her pay cheque, child support and alimony?
And definitely get your own lawyer. My ex and I were going to do our divorce with just one lawyer and I thought things were going along fine but he secretly went and got his own lawyer.
Well, I didn’t think so either, but so far this is what “our” lawyer has told her. I haven’t yet spoken to “our” lawyer. What I figured I would do is let “our” lawyer draft up a copy of the separation agreement, and then I would run it by my lawyer to see what (s)he has to say. I think I can get one free appointment with a lawyer through my employee assistance program.
She gets half your net family property and you get half of hers. NFP is essentially the growth from date of marriage to date of separtion, with exclusions for gifts from third parties, inheritances and personal injury awards, and with an inclusion of the net value of the matrimonial home at the date of marriage (remember this inclusion if you ever decide to get married again when you already own your home – it will come back to bite you if you later separate). Note that this is for Ontario, so folks outside of Ontario should ignore this.
Sounds like “our” lawyer is her lawyer, and not a lawyer representing both of you.
In most family law matters, one lawyer will do the heavy lifting in drafting the separation agreement, while the other lawyer will review it.
We bought the house before we were married, but we were living together at the time. The down payment for the house was entirely mine. How does that factor in?
And I know you’re not my lawyer, and I also know you’re providing this opinion free of charge, and if we ever meet I’ll buy you dinner!
(I’m never getting married again. Seriously.)
Thanks Muffin.
Yup. I think you need to talk to your own lawyer - you don’t know what she’s telling her lawyer. You need someone in your corner.
I’ll drop you a line.
That depends on how long you were together and such. When my ex left we had only been there 4 years or so, I put the entire down payment on the house and got money from my father to help. Since we lost 25% of the value there wasn’t much in the way of equity and she still wanted half. I didn’t give her anything but I did pay for our daughter’s school for the next year. I’d talk to the lawyer and see how much you should split your house and assets.
I hope everything goes smooth for you. Once everything gets settled in you’ll feel much better, going to take some time but you will.
The way the math works out, you don’t get any credit for the down payment. Just be glad that you did not pay off the house before you got married, for you wouldn’t get any credit for that either. The net value of a matrimonial home gets split, regardless of who paid for it and regardless of it being paid in part or in full before the couple even knew each other.
When you fill out your 13.1 Financial Statement, have a look at Family Law Act s. 4 (1) “Net Family Property” and see how it precludes an exemption from equlzaion for the matrimonial home.
Note: this is for Ontario. Ignore it for other jurisdictions.
Thanks.
Cheers.
equalization
You slipped into Scottish there for a bit too, eh? 