My fingers seem to randomly poke at the keyboard.
No cat in the house walking across the keyboard excuse?
Scottish on my paternal grandmother’s side and on my maternal grandfather’s side.
I don’t think that the distribution of your family’s assets should be wildly unbalanced. I’m just saying that I think loooking for an exact split down the middle might not be the best thing for everyone involved.
Have you asked her why that particular condominium was so important to her? Does it keep your kids in the same school system or close to their friends or activities? Is it an easier commute to her job or the kids’ school? If so, is it worth it to you to give up more equity in the house to help her achieve a goal like this?
Can you provide the kids with a better, more stable environment than she would be able to? Have you thought about keeping the house and staying there with the kids - or you getting a larger share of the proceeds from the sale and buying a place for you and the kids to live?
I’d never nickle and dime for an exact split down the middle. But I’m not walking away with nothing for myself. If she can’t realistically afford the place she’s looking at then she’ll need to find a place she can afford; there are plenty around.
I have a feline on one side who always seems to need to be on the other side. 
Leaffan, is her looking for a place before any separation agreements are in place kind of…unrealistic on her part? I’m no divorce expert, but she seems to be doing things out of sequence.
Aside from pensions and business valuations, usually simple valuations (house etc.) can be done within a few in a few days. Pensions usually take a bit longer (particularly the provincial juristiction pensions under the new pension division rules that take a month or two unless privately contracted), but if the pension was earned during the marriage, it’s value would be split anyway, so usually the parties will know what the property equalization will be with a couple of day to a couple of weeks unless there a business valuation is necessary. Net family property equalization, child support and spousal support are pretty formulaic, so the parties can usually start planning for their futures with some certainty very early on in the process, provided that both do their homework forthwith, rather than dawdle, and that both are honest in their numbers.
Problems arise when one or the other does not cough up the necessary financial information, or skews the figures (GIGO), or is off in la-la land and not willing to settle for what the court would consider reasonable given the law as it applies to the facts.
Bottom line: collect the financial information, fill out the forms, calculate the property equalization and support, then start planning for the future. Do not start planning for the future until the property equalization and support scenarios are calculated, for that is no better than chasing clouds and often leads to false expectations and frustration.
As you can see, I’ve known this from the start. She’s despondent because she found out the roof can’t be worked on till April now. Which is what I alluded to in the OP by “months and months.”
The real estate agent she talked to even recommended getting the roof done before putting the house on the market, and it could be on the market for a while.
She can’t seem to plan ahead by more than a few days, which is why the financial situation really sucks here. In fact , going back 10 years that’s been the cause of many, many problems. We both make decent money, that gets whisked away into an account I don’t have access to, to pay the bills, which get paid late all the time. Electricity has been cut off twice in the last 4 months and I’ve had to bail us out with my corporate Amex. We currently have no phone, because she’s ran up the long distance bill and says we can’t afford to pay it right now.
It’s a financial clusterfuck and has been for years.
Anyway, there’s a gazillion things I could be harping about, but got advice not to in case the posts get used against me in the future. I don’t think posting facts is going to hurt me though.
Am I understanding this right? Your paycheck gets put into an account that you don’t have access to? If that’s correct, that needs to change now.
You are understanding it right. It’s been this way for … 5 years? Fucked, ain’t it?
Is there a gun to your head? What the…?
Why have you not changed this yesterday? Today, a week ago, a year ago?
If you don’t know what the financial situation is, and you can’t afford to pay the phone bill, how in the world are you going to replace a roof?
You need to take control of YOUR finances ASAP.
Hang tight. It’s been like this for a number of years. Another few months isn’t going to make much of a difference.
I trusted her to be doing the right things with the money, and believed her about paying the bills. Turns out that a loan I had taken out (in my name only, at her request) hasn’t been paid in about 10 months now. She’s been hiding that from me, and when confronted, said “I told you about that!” Yeah. Like I would have agreed that it was fine to stop paying a loan.
You can see how we’ve spiraled into divorce over the last few months. She is a control freak, a liar, and has fucked my credit rating.
I hear you. We have available line of credit that we can apply for. It’s there and waiting. Both of us need to sign papers to free up the available credit, so she can’t do it alone. The available credit for the roof is there.
Leaffan, I hope I’m understanding what you said incorrectly; but just to be sure, is your pay automatically deposited into an account that you cannot access?
If so, that’s not right. Speak with your HR/Payroll department, and change it ASAP. Direct it to an account that you control. You can then transfer funds from that to a joint account that will pay for bills, etc., in the interim. Your bank can set that up for you. If your wife doesn’t like it, tell her “tough cookies,” or similar.
IAAL, as you know, but I am not speaking as one in this post, and I am not giving you legal advice. I am simply somebody who is concerned about you.
Dude, it’s as simple as filling out a form asking your paycheck be deposited into a different banking account and filing it with your employer. Why haven’t you done this? It’s your credit rating not to mention your peace of mind.
You can sell the house with an old roof. Just tell your agent to let prospective buyers know that you will pay for a new roof out of the proceeds of the sale.
Oh, and paying for the electric bill with my corporate AMEX would get my ass fired.
In five years, and into divorce proceedings, and you still haven’t done anything to stop her access to your paycheque?
She didn’t do anything to you that you weren’t willing to lie down and take, (and still are taking.) It might be time to stop singing the victim song, when you haven’t been arsed to change this one small thing.
I had a lot of sympathy for you initially, now, a little less. You have known she wasn’t paying the bills on time, screwing your credit and yet, even now, the situation remains unchanged. Astounding.
I wish you nothing but the very best of luck, you are clearly going to need it, in abundance.
[quote=“Leaffan, post:153, topic:639510”]
Turns out that a loan I had taken out (in my name only, at her request) hasn’t been paid in about 10 months now. QUOTE]
Because YOU didn’t pay it, your loan, you pay no? Why are you not in control of paying your debts?
Oh, trust me, that’s the plan.
[quote=“Bam_Boo_Gut, post:158, topic:639510”]
Because she was paying all the bills. When you’re married to someone who transfers money to an account and says she’s paying the bills, there’s an element of trust involved that she is, in fact, paying the bills.