More painful than funny. She was scrolling through her life’s choices, wondering when she left the path.
You can almost see her thoughts. “Oh God, what have I done??”
“I never thought leopards would inject disinfectant into my face.”
She could have been a hero, if she just stood up and said ‘YOU ARE WRONG!!!’. Would have also saved some lives. That’s what heroes do.
It’s not the ‘Hypocrite oath’. It’s the ‘Hippocratic Oath’.
I bet nothing posted thus far will have a patch on what’s to come Tuesday!
Never mind that - their attempt to discredit Robert Mueller was even funnier:
Short version: Jacob Wohl set up a fake investigation company which offered women money to claim that Mueller sexually assaulted them. Wohl claimed no connection to the company but the company website showed his picture under an assumed name (and a lot of other pictures taken off the internet including Christoph Waltz), the website metadata contained Wohl’s email address and the official company phone number went to a voicemail box owned by Wohl’s mother. Also, the story they were pushing claimed Mueller took a woman to a hotel suite on a floor that the hotel has no suites on (because it’s a gym) and at the time the sexual relationship allegedly happened Mueller was actually off on jury duty in another city.
BUT WAIT! Having been savaged by the internet, Wohl and Burkman decide to hold a press conference at the Holiday Inn to keep pushing their fake Mueller story. It does not go well:
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Their star witness doesn’t show up. At all. We are told that she definitely exists but she is “on a photo shoot in Switzerland”, which is “girlfriend in Canada” level of plausibility. Also, this is apparently the third time Burkman has had a key witness not turn up to a press conference.
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Wohl spends most of the press conference complaining how mean the internet has been to him. He singles out the fact that someone has photoshopped his face onto corn. This is true - someone did this.
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Burkman claimed that Wohl’s evidence should be taken seriously because Wohl was “a child prodigy who has eclipsed Mozart.” Which is true if you count “youngest person banned from futures trading” as an accomplishment.
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The document setting out the claims reads like terrible fan fiction, misspells the alleged victim’s name repeatedly, and still fails to account for the fact that at the time Mueller was allegedly assaulting her in New York he was on jury duty in D.C.
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The document also claims that Wohl’s company Surefire (which he had previously claimed to have no knowledge of) was in operation several months before it was actually registered as a company.
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Wohl claimed that a bus outside was proof of a “bussed-in mob”. The bus was a Tripper bus, a shuttle bus between D.C. and NYC, standing at its regular bus stop. The bus subsequently departed on schedule. Also, there was no mob.
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Jack Burkman, an occasional contributor to far-right, Trump-supporting “news” website Gateway Pundit, found himself being intensively grilled by…Gateway Pundit. After the press conference, Gateway Pundit announced that they would no longer be accepting contributions from Burkman.
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Burkman’s fly was open for the entire press conference.
The window to the soul, no?
The memes are fast and furious today on the Twits. This was my favorite (so far):
Wow, thanks for the synopsis! That’s some prime stuff. 
Quality writing there, @Gyrate.
Thanks. I wrote it back at the time somewhere else and just copied it over and tweaked it a bit.
I thought about putting this in the schadendfreude thread but I flipped a coin and it came up this one. A snippet of NSFW language at the very beginning.
I really need to see the rest of that!
Lindsey Graham cries for donations for DJT. Holy crap, he reminds me of North Koreans sobbing over the death of one of their Dear Leaders.
The officer not holding the door is a great moment. If that was Rudy, he would have said the door almost knocked him down. George Soros paid that officer, right?
Maybe the officer did that free as a public service.
SOCIALISM!!!
Mr Graham reminds me of this little fella from the Star Wars universe (Jabba’s little pet).
No, remora, or perhaps anglerfish.
The female anglerfish is a terrifying-looking marine animal that hunts in the deepest parts of the ocean. She uses her bioluminescent light to lure her prey and suddenly swallows it no matter the size, even if it was twice as big as it is.
On the other hand, the male anglerfish does not have similar characteristics as its female counterpart. Males do not have the females’ killer instinct; it also does not have teeth and is very small. Male anglerfish never hunt or kill. It could not even defend itself against a goldfish if it were attacked.
…
According to David Clear, once the male anglerfish finds a female anglerfish, it bites into her belly, a horrific event begins. The tissues of the male start to melt as it slowly fuses with the female’s body forever. His eyes, head, fins, and organs will all melt as it merges with her body and becoming a part of her living as a parasite forever.Meanwhile, the female’s blood vessels would begin to penetrate the male’s body to establish a connection in which nutrients from her body will be flushed into the male to keep it alive so that its testicles will grow. In that sense, the male becomes a permanent sperm factory for the female anglerfish.
The anglerfish can now reproduce by squirting some sperm and eggs into the open water after having both the male and female reproductive organs. This cruel lifecycle ensures that the species continue unto the next generations. However, one pair of testicles is sometimes not enough, so females would absorb eight more males.
@JohnT, ever since you posted that Sam Nunberg video, I’ve been seeing that guy on TV every couple three days. Has he done his jail time and now he’s out hitting the talk shows?