The most annoying toys possible.

Based on another post here on the Dope: here
Perhaps a mixer?

I came here recommend a cymbal playing monkey but some of these other suggestions are so diabolical that I think the cymbal playing monkey just can’t hold a candle to them.

Speaking of candles though, what about a candle-making kit?

A better plan would be to get one for every two kids, and tell them they have to share.

Whatever you decide on, spend a few extra bucks and also get both kids a kazoo. They can be had for a few dollars. If your friend’s kids are like my 11 yo nephew and 8 yo niece, they should do the trick nicely.

My contribution:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/cr/B0017HGGDU/ref=aw_d_cr_toys-and-games

Look at all the bad reviews.
This ended up in the trash.

There are some excellent suggestions here, though I admit I didn’t read the WHOLE thread. I read about a third and then skimmed–mainly because I was at work and was afraid of clicking a link that might have sound.

One area you can’t go wrong is a toy that has “music” (yes, the scare quotes are necessary) that loops endlessly. Usually a very short and easy to remember, but repeated over and over for… I don’t know, 30 or 40 years?

I heartily agree with the messy craft supplies suggestions. Glitter, plastic glue-on gemstones, beading kits; all of these are excellently evil.

Another classic that I think I did skim by a mention of are the dolls that do bodily things. Ok, the baby that burped when you patted its back was a little tasteless, but not a problem. Then they developed a tube running from one end of the baby to the other and motorized the mouth so it could “chew” and “suck”… and it came with a bottle and powdered formula to mix up and feed to the baby–then oops! Baby needs a diaper change because she’s wet her diaper! No problem, new diaper on quickly and all is well. Time to feed the baby more solid-like foods! A bowl and a spoon are handily provided, as well as packets of powder which, when mixed with water, turn into a sort of slurry (the color depends on the “flavor” it’s supposed to be) the consistency of… really thin applesauce? gourmet mustard? Something like that, anyway.

The spoon provides pressure on the button/sensor in the doll’s mouth that causes it to make a chewing motion, but you mostly just spoon the stuff off onto her inner lips as best you can and poke at it until it goes down further into her throat. When you’re done feeding her, I’m pretty sure you were suppose to give some water from the bottle to help the food down, because… surprise! It’s time for another diaper change! Only this one is gooey smeared all over, and maybe leaking out the sides… and it takes forever to wipe it off, and you can see that there are still bits of food up in the tubing that comes down from the mouth… so you can run water through it to rinse it out if you want to keep it clean and nice… but that kind of defeats the point of having a realistic doll…

My mom threw mine away after a week. It was a gift from my grandparents.

This. As someone who has actually worked at an FAO Schwarz (no “T”) I would HATE being assigned to the children’s electronics department because 90% of the toys played either “Farmer in the Dell” or “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” and people had NO COMPUNCTIONS about activating them!

True dat. I worked in the kids’ department of a store and one year for Easter we had a table full of little plush chicks that chirped when you squeezed them. At least once a day there was some clown who had to try and squeeze every damn chick to get them all chirping at once. The Prayer Bunnies were a close second in terms of annoying.

It’s really too bad that they’re too old for an Elmo doll. Nothing could be more annoying than the constant chorus of: Uh OH! Elmo fell down! Can you help Elmo up, please?!? Uh OH! Elmo fell down! Can you help Elmo up, please?!? Uh OH! Elmo fell down! Can you help Elmo up, please?!? Uh OH! Elmo fell down! Can you help Elmo up, please?!? Uh OH! Elmo fell down! Can you help Elmo up, please?!? Uh OH! Elmo fell down! Can you help Elmo up, please?!? Uh OH! Elmo fell down! Can you help Elmo up, please?!? Uh OH! Elmo fell down! Can you help Elmo up, please?!? Uh OH! Elmo fell down! Can you help Elmo up, please?!? Uh OH! Elmo fell down! Can you help Elmo up, please?!? Uh OH! Elmo fell down! Can you help Elmo up, please?!? Uh OH! Elmo fell down! Can you help Elmo up, please?!? Uh OH! Elmo fell down! Can you help Elmo up, please?!? Uh OH! Elmo fell down! Can you help Elmo up, please?!?

Uh Oh! Elmo’s in the trach compactor! Can you help Elmo out plea . . .

Go to Amazon

Type in “Kid’s Slippers that Make Noise”.

Godzilla roar at Every. Damn. Step.

And kids RUN everywhere, so half-roars.

Water-torture is a blessing compared to these.

How about a computer video game that makes no noise at all, but that is still probably very irritating?

Gnilley is a video game played with the keyboard and by yelling at the computer. Plus it’s free (tho they are accepting development donations).

Marbles - all the pain of stepping on Legos at 3 am combined with the potential to fall down the stairs.

Since there are multiple children, I’m going to second the suggestion of getting them one of anything to share. It could be a cardboard box, or a stick; it doesn’t matter. While Child #1 plays with it, Child #2 will begin whining, pouting, and/or crying until a grown-up insists that Child #2 has a turn. Child #1 will then begin whining, pouting, and/or crying. The cycle will repeat until the grown-up takes away the offending object. Then the children will stop yelling at each other and begin the dreaded two-child tantrum.

Desperate parents will sometimes attempt to buy a second toy to minimize the fighting. This will always fail. The two toys, identical in the eyes of the grown-up, will have key molecular differences visible only to children under the age of 14. Therefore, one toy will always be better. Always.

I’ll see your marbles and raise you a set of jacks, otherwise known as caltrops for kiddies. True, jacks have six spikes, not just four, and the spikes on jacks generally have a rounded end. However, they are STILL quite painful to step on.

Jacks were fun. Not only hard on your feet but also hard on the furniture - poking holes in the couch fabric and scratching the end tables.

I think only FOUR of the six ends are rounded, if my memory serves…

Brilliant. Exponentially ratchets up the aggravation factor of any toy. I salute you.

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An oldie but a goodie: a whoopie cushion. Spencer’s has them for a couple bucks. No self-respecting child can resist the continual production of loud fart noises. Your only hope is that they destroy the damn thing with enthusiastic overuse.

Drum machine shirt: http://www.thinkgeek.com/clearance/on-sale/ac0b/

There is also the guitar one. . .

Did you just get the same email I did? Haha! It’s a good choice, too, because it goes with you. You can’t just say “leave that in the car” if it gets too annoying. It’s their clothes.

Yep. My name is TruCelt, and I am a Geek.

:wink: