In Jamaica for a wedding, about 20 of us. Our first night there, about four hours after we checked in. It was at a dance club at the exclusive resort that we were staying at. A very attractive woman (Jamaican gal) enters the place by herself and a few of us noticed her right away, she was pretty hot. She ends up dancing to most of the songs sort of mingling with us, yet keeping her distance. At one point, after making eye contact with me several times, she comes over to the bar, lights a smoke and says, “How 'bout if I take you up to your room and fuck your brains out.”
I say (and this is the honest truth), “I think it’ll be ME fucking YOUR brains out, honey.”
And the rest, shall we say, is history.
She did try to wrangle another guy along for a threesome before we left for the room but the guy (I didn’t know him) declined. More for me!
Back in college, I was living in a roach motel apartment and got a knock on my door. It was some asian dude wanting to sell me artwork or something. He was every bit the stereotype, with the large round glasses and buck teeth and choppy-chop style of talking. I couldn’t really understand what he was saying, but I could of swore he said “You buy this painting and I suckee your dick, OK?”
I said no thanks, not interested, thinking he couldn’t have said what I thought he said. He wouldn’t give up though. He held up another picture and said “OK, you buy this painting and I suckee your dick, OK?” I said “Why don’t you try the apartments across the street?” He said “They tell me to come here! Buy this one and I suckee your dick, OK?” I slowly closed the door on him and locked it.
To this day I can’t think if he actually meant something else than “I suckee your dick OK?”
Wow.
I ju… I think… she …
Wow.
[In Chinese, first Chinese dude to his buddy] “Hey man, you have lived here for years and speak English - how should I politely greet English customers for my original artwork?”
[Buddy, who is a bit of an asshole] "Well, the most polite greeting is to say the following after each sentence - please memorize this phrase … "
Oh, thank you, that makes so much more sense. Through the clothes, yes. I haven’t seen Mallrats.
KtK, why does it depress you? Because of how bold people are?
Slightly off topic but the story that most depresses me around here is…some Doper posted a story of how his friend was dating this girl. Anyway, they were sitting around somewhere, talking about the new girl, who was there, and the friend said something like, “she’s really hot - you wanna see?” and proceeded to lift up the girl’s blouse and flash her tit to her boyfriend’s friend, with no prior consultation or any indication that it was OK. I guess she just laughed kind of uncomfortably.
Some stories stick with you. Occasionally I think about this girl, who is a member of a third-party story, and whom I will never meet, and wonder who she is doing.
That had to be it…the guy seemed so clueless, but you can never tell.
[emphasis added]
Erm, hopefully not that guy, anymore. Classic typo, though.
Whoa. Seriously. And really I wasn’t thinking of that at all. “Who” and “How” are fairly close together in spelling…but yeah, that’s a great typo.
I don’t have any that were directed specifically at me. Weirdest I’ve ever had was a group of five very drunk obviously college-age chicks across the street from me at 2:30AM when I was in college, who were yelling the same thing at every guy who passed:
“Hey, Sarah’s pointing at the central member of their little coterie never had an uncut dick and she has to tonight. Are you circumcised?”
I just kept walking, although at least one wag yelled back, from a balcony, “If she’s never had one how will she know if I’m lyin’?”
EPIC typo.
I’m soooo glad I don’t have an anecdote…oh, wait, I do. When I was was young and single, an older co-worker who had just bought a house “jokingly” invited me over to his house to help him with some “plumbing” problems in the crawlspace under his house. He off-handedly mentioned that the lack of clearance in the crawlspace meant I wouldn’t have to worry about any deep strokes…:o
And the next line is “And he says I am much better at it than my father!”
I was on the elevator at the department store where I was working at the time. An older, but respectably dressed gentleman gets on. We are the only two on the elevator. The doors close. He says, “You look like a football player. Wanna blowjob?”
Me: “Ah - no thank you.”
My mother taught me well to be polite. Perhaps too well.
Regards,
Shodan
I wonder what you would have been offered if you had looked like, say, a hockey player? Or a chess player?
Not the boldness in itself, I suspect, but rather that, like me, Knead is bummed at never having been the recipient of a pick-up line.
So the one with the dick is the only one doing the fucking? I guess the person without the dick is just a receptacle, then.
Somebody call a doctor. Or a mason. Bricker’s been broken.
In other words, be careful what you ask for. You might get it.
Somebody has to say it: That’s a dangling modifier.
I was at Fantasy Fest in Key West when a gay guy approached me and explained how he liked portly gentlemen. All I could think of is how far down the sexual sexual food chain I had fallen.
I will direct you to a website that has crude, vile, base lines, as well as extremely ineffectual ones. It is NOT safe for work. It usually has some sort of picture in each entry. If the picture is of a cuddly kitten or fuzzy duckling, then the post is going to be particularly obnoxious. Don’t say you weren’t warned. For added safety, I will break the link.
Thirty seconds after meeting me, a girl asked, “How’s your love life?” I told her it was pretty much nonexistent (as it was at the time). She said, “Why, did your dick fall off?”
I had nothing to do with her after that. (Except for having sex with her a few times. We hung out for a while.)
I don’t think that’s what he meant.