Years ago I let some of my girlfriends talk me into going to a club with them. I didn’t want to go because I was broke and wouldn’t be able to buy beer, but they convinced me to go out dancing with them at least. After we’d been there a while, I thought I’d try the whole “flirt with a guy and try to get him to buy me a drink” thing. I know, that’s a bitchy thing to do when you’re not actually interested and just trying to get free booze. I was young and selfish. And I was about to get what I deserved.
I had never hit up a guy for free drinks before. I picked a nice, friendly looking guy. I decided on the direct approach. I sat next to him, smiled, and said “Hi, wanna buy me a drink?” He smiled, pulled a camera out of his pocket, and said “I’ll buy you a drink if you let me take a picture of your pussy.”
Me: blink blink Er … sorry, nevermind!
I hightailed it back to my friends. I’m not sure what exactly I though was going to happen, but that certainly wasn’t it.
It wasn’t so much anything he said, as it was he was my manager. After a meeting, he kicked everyone out of the office, asked me to stay behind, and proceeded to hold my hand then rather aggressively come on to me. Did I mention he was also married? Because he was, and I was in the middle of a serious relationship. To be honest, I can’t even remember exactly what he said, but I do recall the intense gaze, the touching (you work with me, asshole - hands off), and something about a foot rub.
I so went HR on his ass. I have never cringed so heartily at a come-on in my entire life, and crude come-ons are part of the territory when you’re a dame.
Bar in a small town in western Maryland about twenty years ago. I was there with a buddy to hear the country band, whose bass player we both knew. So I wasn’t really looking to meet anyone. (FWIW, I’m a straight male).
But as I walked across the bar, my path was blocked by a drunk-off-her-ass, ugly-as-sin-dipped-in-misery trailer-trash woman.
“Well, Gawdayyum!!”, she bellowed, learing at me. “That’s the first health-looking thing I’ve seen here all night!”
I glanced nervously at my buddy, who cracked me up by deadpanning, “Do you want me to find another way home?”
A (supposedly straight) male friend shoved his finger in my ass once in a crowded bar (lucky shot). I don’t know what the deal was there, but let’s just say I decline invitations to see his band play. Never really liked him before anyway.
Another female friend flashed me her boob in a fairly busy bar she was performing in. While she was performing. And while I was taking pictures of the band (yes, I can cite this, but I will not). Not a come-on really, she’s just really really flirty. It’s fun once you get used to it.
I was propositioned in a bar in downtown Indianapolis in the early 90’s using much the same line of reasoning. Only difference was I’m a guy and part of her selling point was that, ‘I can’t get any more pregnant.’ She was kind of surprised that I didn’t take her up on her offer.
There was a guy who worked in my office who got away with saying ALL kinds of inappropriate stuff to women, even though he’d been told numerous times that he was going to get fired if he didn’t stop. He came up to me one afternoon and said, “I’ve never had sex with a fat girl. Care to enlighten me?”
I don’t know what my husband said to him when he found out what this model citizen said to me, but the jackass never spoke to me again, much less looked at me. He retired about 2 years later and “strangely enough” not ONE woman in the office showed up at his retirement party.
No, I guess Uncommon Sense meant that he wasn’t just going to lie back and take it, and however aggressive and enthusiatic his propositioner was planning on being, he was going to give back as good as he got, with interest, 'cos he was as into it as she was, plus some.
This is the part where you apologise for being pissy.
With no prior clue that he was even remotely attracted in me (he seemed to go for tall blondes - I am a short brunette) I got a text message from a male friend (who I generally liked but not that much) that simply said ‘Hey myname, do you want to maybe have sex?’
I turned him down - but he tried again in a few hours so I had to ring him and do it more forcefully.
Pretty much what Umbriel2 said. I know it’s kind of stupid, but part of me can’t help but wonder, “What, I’m not good enough to get groped and/or crudely propositioned?”
I mean, of course, unless you count the drunk and/or high lady who said to me one time while I was trying to help her find something in the catalog, “You smell goooood.”
I’m not going to include stories where unwanted touching was involved, because those are less like come-ons and more like assaults, and therefore not as fun to tell.
For Halloween, I was going to be the Oracle of Delphi (I was teaching high school and we were reading Oepidus, so it was topical) but I needed a snake. I was at the Salvation Army looking for a toy one. An elderly man asking me what I was looking for, and when I told him, he said, “I got a snake for you, right here!” and then grabbed his junk and smiled. I could not get out of there fast enough.
Oh, as for the unwanted touching thing? One of the things I miss most about college fraternity parties, and I realize this might make me a violent cretin in some eyes, but one of the things I miss the most is being the non-drinking bouncer at parties so that when guys did that kinda shit at my parties I could respond.
It made me happy to know that at least at one frat house in my town, being caught with roofies or delivering unwanted gropes would lead at minimum to a high-speed face-first introduction with my front sidewalk. Last I checked some of the guys were keeping up that tradition, at least.
There was the boss who said “would you like to have a threesome with me and my wife.”
I was walking along with a friend and her husband. We ran into an aquaintence of his. He introduced his wife. The guy looked me up and down and looked at my friend’s husband - “Well, is she taken.”
There was a guy from a bar - I was there for a bachelorette. He wrote his phone number on a $100 bill. I bought drinks for my friends.
When I graduated HS my boyfriend and I went to New Orleans to celebrate. We were sitting the enjoying the band when a couple joined us. They ordered us drinks. “Only top shelf” the woman said. I didn’t understand. They chatted us up for a while. They finally mentioned “we’re swingers” and also happened to mention they were looking for partners.
I happened to casually mention (OK, obviously as a response to their comment) “I’m only 17.”
I will say that although at the time I thought they were old and weird for hitting on me and my boyfriend I will say that at the mere mention of “under 18” they politely excused themselves and didn’t say a word about the fact that we didn’t buy the next round - hell we weren’t old enough to know we were supposed to!
As someone in her 30s now I cringe… Damn I thought they were old.
Heh. A similar old joke: A whore walks up to a guy in a bar, and whispers boozily into his ear, “I’ll do anything you want for twenty bucks.” He hands her the money and whispers back, “Paint my house!”
Harlan Ellison allegedly once said to a beautiful woman, “What do you say to a little fuck?” She replied with a sweet smile, “Hello, little fuck!”
I remember reading an article about New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who was quite a hound back in the day. A friend marveled at how direct he was in propositioning women, and asked, “Don’t you get slapped a lot?” Bloomberg shrugged and said, “Yeah, but I get laid a lot, too.”
Hahaaaaaaaaa
once in a club I had just made it to the bar and was ordering drinks for some friends and myself when this cute as hell blonde poked her tits at me and said “You should buy me a drink”
to which I replied with an incredulous look “are we Fucking?”
you know if she had actually had a come back to that I probably would have bought her that drink, as it was her jaw dropped, she looked like she wanted to say something but then she just turned around and walked off.
the bluntest pick up I can think of receiving was from a gay guy on election night.
Him “You’re like a giant Jesus, I want to take you home and impale you”
me “…”
if only I was into guys.
