Merry Pop Ins appears at the front doorstep of the Banks family, becomes the children’s nanny, and ingratiates herself into the family through cheerful songs and seemingly magical, bemusing, acts. When a kite flying incident nearly decapitates one of the children, they decide to investigate the goings-on of Merry. They discover that their new caretaker is actually an advanced scout for the Pop Ins, an alien species that is preparing to attack the earth using fantastic technology that would seem magical to humans (flying umbrellas, cartoon penguins, dancing chimney sweeps, etc.). Merry must now choose between protecting her new family or her duties to her planet though the 3rd act song SuperKillAFragileKidExplosionsAreDestructive should be a clue.
Next: Revenge of the Burp
Jimmy’s a normal teenage high school geek with one difference: he’s a wizard. He doesn’t have a lot of magic yet, but he can (and does) make the jocks who give him a hard time chronic fits of burping. Then he meets the cheerleader of his dreams, who won’t give him a tumble. She burps herself to death, and Jimmy becomes completely unhinged, and finally unleashes a humongous borborygmus which totals the town. Only Jimmy survives and is heading for YOUR TOWN.
Next: Bicycles For Breakfast
Harry Horner lives on a very large lot, in a house that is always locked up, closed, shuttered, and surrounded by large trees. He only comes out once a day, before dark, to ride his bike to the local restaurant, get some food to go, and bikes home.
Neighborhood kids tell all sorts of stories about “Hairy Horror,” which are shown in the movie in great, graphic detail. Whenever one of them dies, there is always a scenario that “Harry did it.”
Eventually, when Harry is not seen for several days in a heat wave and a nasty smell comes from is house, the police investigate and find his body, crushed by a load of restaurant take out containers.
Next: Pray The Gay Away
It’s 1692 in Salem Massachusetts and after a series of accusations against some townfolk, Witchfinder general Rowland Gay comes to town. Gay has a reputation for being unyielding and closed minded, and the fine folk of Salem take an instant dislike to him - except for the people who are eager for convictions, that is. In fear that he’ll help convict innocent people who are being targeted for being unlikable or as revenge for petty slights, several of the good Christians of Salem begin a campaign to pray that Gay is sent away. To their delight, it works and Gay packs up his bags and leaves Salem. Unfortunately the state soon sends his replacement, Cotton Mathers…
Next: Oh baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby!
Baby Jones (played by Kate McKinnon) thought she had it all – looks, personality, and a top position at a big New York ad agency but things suddenly change when she meets Baby B. Jones (Rebel Wilson). Baby takes Baby on a crazy race across town to meet Baby Johansen (Shirley MacLaine) who holds a mysterious letter from Baby D. Jones. They travel across the country meeting more Babies along the way (Ellie Kemper, Penelope Cruz, Melissa McCarthy, Tiffany Hadish, and Judy Dench playing both Baby “JoJo” Peachtree and Baby Smoothe). They finally get to the palatial estate of Baby D. Jones (Sean Gunn in a mocap suit) who tells them that they are all sisters and the one who marries her true love first will inherit her fortune. Who will win true love and the fortune? Critics agree “Oh Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby! is a movie… to see” and “Oh Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby… has… fun…” It’s madcap meets mayhem that will leave the men of America saying “Oh Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby!”
Next: Joy Benoist’s Coy Boy Unvoiced
Cory Boyd stalks Joy Benoist, constantly talking to her, calling her, showing up at her job, shops she visits, restaurants she goes to, moviehouses she is at, standing outside her house for hours house, and just being a big pain in the ass. The police say they cannot do anything about it until Cory dojes something illegal. “Like kill me?” Joy replies.
Cory breaks into Joy’s house while she is preparing dinner and threatens to “give you 12 inches.” She responds “I’ll give you 12 inches” and slashes his throat with a butcher knife, cutting his vocal cords. The police arrive and lock Joy up. The New York Post headline the next day is JOY BENOIST’S COY BOY UNVOICED.
Next up: The Hat in the Cat
The Hat in the Cat
A documentary film crew follows 3 junkies from different backgrounds through the dark underbelly of San Francisco’s Tenderloin District. Through interviews, each tells the story of their journey and what they have had to do to survive and to feed their habits.
Up Next: Entropy
Nothing trumps this tale of a man’s journey from the head of a corporation worth billions of dollars to a washed-up, crazy politician. Not based on a true story, despite what you may think.
Up Next: Bugs and the Bunny
Bugsy “Bugs” Alfredo is the king of the New York mob and he’s got everything he could ever want, except true love. He meets dancing girl Barbara “Bunny” Carbona one night at the club and begins pursuing her in order to woo her. Bunny initially refuses his advances saying that she’s “not that kind of girl” but warms up to him when he starts giving her expensive gifts and nights out on the town. Turns out that she’s actually Barbara “Babs” Glue and she’s deep undercover for the feds looking to get the dirt on Bugs’ gang but she’s also kind of falling for the big palooka. Will she remain loyal to her job with the FBI or will she follow her heart’s desire?
Next: The Fishmonger’s Wife
The tale of Simon Peter, told from the viewpoint of his Jewish yenta of a wife (since the Bible mentions Peter’s MIL, he was married). Lots of Yiddish humor, but she does cook a nice brisket for the Last Supper, and gives her husband a good talking-to about denying his friends “No matter how mishegas they are.”
Next up: The Lady’s Got Potential
In a modern retelling of My Fair Lady, the partners at Higgins and Doolittle make a wager whether Eliza, the down and out meth head could succeed on Wall Street or not. She flounders a bit but Higgins discovers that he has feelings for her along the way. Things turn south at a swanky party where she is tempted by smarmy stockbroker doing lines of coke in the men’s room and she makes a scene after getting high. Higgins and Doolittle try to forget her and move on because they have an important business meeting to attend. They unfortunately stumble along and are going to lose the client until Eliza bursts into the boardroom and makes an eloquent, passionate speech citing successes of the company until the potential clients stand up and applaud. One of the clients says “The lady’s got potential!” as Eliza and Doolittle embrace.
Next: Of Loins and Coins
A poor couple Leon and Cleo find a very rare and valuable ancient coin depicting Jesus of Nazareth. To keep it safe while they walk to the coin buyer’s store, the coin is stored in Leo’s shorts. Hijacks ensue as they only can in any movie set in New York City, and the coin keeps falling out of Leo’s too big shorts and has to be rescued. Fortunately, the couple makes it to the coin store and emerges wealthy.
Next up: Annie’s Going To Sing Her Song
This adaptation of the Broadway play is a sequel to Annie Get Your Gun that critics say “no one should watch” and includes seven new “horrific” songs written expressly for the soundtrack. In this movie, which Richard Roeper calls “as riveting as a car wreck” Annie hangs up her guns and pursues a musical career. But when a rival siren tries to take her place at the Grand Palisade, will her guns continue to collect dust? Find out before this film gets the bum’s rush at your local theater.
Next: Silly Old Bear
Silly Old Bear
Retired Chicago Bear fullback Ranko Steinmenski is at a loss for what to do with the rest of his life, but a chance encounter at a child’s birthday party leads to a new career as a birthday clown. You’ll laugh and cry as that Silly Old Bear learns how to block out an act and make way for fun!
Next: Why Did it have to be Tuesday?
Doris and Dennis Day both fall in love with and propose to Tuesday Weld. She turns both of them down because she doesn’t want to be “Tuesday Day.” In the end, all three of them enter into an unmarried relationship
Next up: Have a Cow, Man
Have a Cow, Man
The latest super-hero spoof movie from the Wayans brothers and company stars Dan Castellaneta as Sart Bimpson, who cruises the crime-ridden streets of Shelbyville at night as COWMAN–mooing and cudding for Truth and Justice. Expect numerous lawsuits.
Next: Mad Max-a-go-go
Mad Max is roaming the desert wilderness with only an Australian cattle dog and a few rounds for his shotgun as his only companions. He is ambushed by Humungus Boogie and his gang, and after a vicious car chase, his main ride is stolen and he is left for dead. Fortunately, he is rescued by Righteous Grass and her group of peace-loving nomads. They were peace loving until they also fell victim to Boogie’s raids on their gas and stash so they are planning a retaliation to get their stuff back. Max tags along and after another far out chase, they end up in Humungus Boogie’s lair where the villain shows them that all he wanted to do was showcase Max’s car at his righteous disco. He’s real jazzed to show him his keen pad and they all dance together and enjoy some of Righteous Grass’s stash. Righteous Grass wants to thank Max for helping them out (and maybe become his main squeeze along the way) but sees him racing off into the distance alone.
Next: Chuck White: Suburban Detective
Chuck White (Morris Chestnut) walked into his office in Huntington Woods, he had no idea that his day was about to take a turn. Mrs. Thistlewood is horrified that her son Aiden has been accused of vandalizing Molly Hill’s 2019 Subaru Forrester. and she’s sure he can prove that it’s her son’s friend Jacob who sprayed the paint. Just when Chuck thinks it’ll be an easy case, three of Aiden’s classmates show up dead, apparently the victim of tainted drugs at a medicine cabinet party, and everyone says that Aiden brought the deadly pills to the bash. Will Chuck ever find his way out of the cul-de-sac so he can investigate before someone else ends up dead?
Next: Don’t Take it Personnel
Rupert Blackadder is a recent addition to the Personnel Dept. of Howitzer University, a military school/conservative think tank. Rupert’s a bleeding heart liberal. Hilarity ensues.
Next: Call Me, Ishmael
A woman, engaged to a man she does not want to marry but he needs a green card and she needs to pay off her gambling debts with the money he’s promised her when he gets it, picks up Ishmael in a bar and has one whale of a good night. During the activities, she explains her situation re: the engagement. As she’s leaving, the man hands her the cash needed to pay off her debts.
She gives him her phone number, but he never calls. She spends the rest of her life a lonely, bitter old woman and dies of a mob hit.
Next up: Grooving With Whoopi