There’s only so much you can learn in school. The rest comes at you fast, and you’ve got to be even faster to stay on your feet.
No matter how hard you try, you can’t buy a beer in Easton Maryland after midnight on a Saturday. No kidding, the whole damn town just shuts down. There was a place I thought I could get a drink, the bar of the historic hotel in the middle of downtown. But there was a lot of blood on the floor, and the police were taking statements from people, including the bartender. So he was too busy between talking to the cops and moping up the blood to open up a beer for me, even though I was a guest at the hotel. Four star my ass.
If someone who is related to the woman you are going to marry makes you tunaburgers, couscous with lemon sauce and tomatoes, and cucumber soup, just shut up and eat it. Nothing you can say will ever get her to believe that you are allergic to one thing in each of those dishes. Especially when your fiance chokes it all down, and then sits there and makes pukey faces at you when our host isn’t looking.
-If you are at a fundraising dance for special needs kids, and the theme is Beach Party, no matter how beachy you dress, the best you can do is come in second place if one of the other contestants is a special needs kid that benefits from the fundraiser and dance. Just smile and applaud, and try to find someone who can actually use those Bowie Bay Sox tickets. 'Cause you know you ain’t gonna drive four hours in the middle of the workweek to watch a farm club you never heard of.
- Oh yeah, and Michael Jackson is buying a house in the same neighborhood and Dick Cheney and Karl Rove. Pretty weird, huh?