I worked with law enforcement agencies while in the Army, so close enough for government work, as they say.
The Next Poster has an itch that just needs to be scratched.
Yes, definitely. But I’d better not go into the details here.
TNP has a doctor, nurse, medtech or EMT in his or her immediate family.
No, although some family members are pretty EMT-headed.
After reading this, TNP can’t get “It’s a Small World After All” out of his/her head.
Curse you, Palindrome!
TNP craves a vacation to Montana’s Glacier Park.
Now that I’ve read your post, yes:
TNP has eaten yogurt in the past week.
Yesterday for lunch!
The Next Poster was once almost abducted by aliens.
Nope, although I knew a couple who both claimed to have had (friendly) contact with aliens.
The Next Poster has had an H1N1 (swine flu) immunization.
Nope, I’m in the low-risk group and (as long as it’s legal) lack health insurance.
TNP still remembers his/her kindergarten teacher’s name.
Ms. Teirgardner
The next poster has seen SpongeBob SquarePants at least once this month.
Yes! Holy crap. Just this evening my boys were watching The SBSP Movie. I walked into the room and was immediately sucked in. It was the part where SpongeBob and Patrick had been captured in Shell City and were drying out and melodramatically dying… gripping moviemaking, I tell you, gripping! 
TNP has a favorite SpongeBob character.
No, I don’t. I couldn’t be less interested in the whole franchise.
The next poster hate pants.
Pants are my life, (and shirts!) when it comes to garments. If I need to be naked, not so much.
The next poster has beaten a bad odor problem.
I have a pair of shoes that for some reason just really started to stink to High Heaven, unlike any other pair of shoes before, so I got some odor eaters and they helped dramatically.
TNP has just lost “The Game”.
???
The Queen album? The Michael Douglas movie? The episode of ST:TNG?
Help me, Wikipedia!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Game_(mind_game)
Ah, yes. lost it the moment I found it.
TNP, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar…
I personally know several Episcopal priests, and have shared alcoholic libations with them in public places opened for the purpose of selling said libations, but I know no rabbis, so I guess my answer would have to be “false.”
TNP has not drunk alcohol in the past week.
True, I haven’t drunk any alcohol for the past 10 years, because of the medication I take.
TNP thinks it’s a damn shame about Sarah Ferguson, the Dutchess of York.
True. But she was incredibly stoopid to be soliciting bribes (or “access fees”) like that.
TNP couldn’t care less about the British Royal Family.
Who gives a flying fuck about the Royal family? Fucking bunch of deadbeats.
The next poster will tell an outrageous lie.
YOU RANG?
At least, pretty much. I watched the Lady Di/Princess Di movie on TV. (They flash-forward to her holding her baby from the wedding scene, to give you and idea how far back it goes.) And I watched the movie about the Queen at a theater. Other than than, zip. - Jack
Outrageous lie, Dio?
The Bible has no significant contradictions.
Ooops! Missed the edit, too!
The next poster will “disagree”! :p: