A cautionary tale for people who always believe what they see on TV:
A time machine sends our fearless board member to Athens Circa 400 BC.
Accepting his fate of being trapped in the past, our hero realizes that as a follower of the original Aeschines, he at least knows about the history of the period and seeks Socrates at the Lyceum:
Socrates was in class, teaching new students on debating when Aeschines enters abruptly:
Socrates- Yes?
Aeschines- I am here to become one of your followers Mr. Socrates…. Wait a moment! I mean: to become one of your teachers! My name is (increasing voice to a thunderous level) Aeschines!!!
The students looked around wondering if furies were in the grounds, (pay attention: I said furies not furries but with this AeschinesI wonder…)
S- (Looking calm) - which Aeschines? The philosopher oratorical artist; The Demosthenes nemesis; The Arcadian, disciple of Isocrates; The citizen of Mitylene, scourge of the Orators; The Neapolitan, the favorite (Ahem) of Melanthius; The Milesian political writer; Or, the one that makes statues?
A- Uh… the first one! No, uh, the second! Ugh, does it matter? Ooh! I get it! You are insulting me now!
S- Thin-skinned eh? You may join us and we will decide if you are worthy of our Lyceum! Let us begin by learning this: “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.”
A- Uh, excuse me Soc? I think in discussions one has to give the notion to our opponents that we know everything! One has to protect one’s position just like a tyrant keeps his country!
S- Ah! However, you should know that “Beauty is a short-lived tyranny.”
A- What do you think you are teaching here you dork? You are wrong!
S- Aeschines, insulting teachers will get you nowhere here! You better explain your motives now or be banished from Athens forever! Take the podium and explain!
Socrates gives the podium; Aeschines conceals (badly) his gleefulness for the chance and takes the stand.
A- Ever heard of Plato, Aristotle?
Dreaderus Robertus – (raises hand) Yes! I think they attend the evening classes…
S- Hush farm boy! Let him continue…
A - Morons… Mr. Socrates, I have invented Rhetoric! With my amazing gift of the language, I can put any enemy into submission! One does not need the truth, evidence, or facts to get in the way of making a point! This is the way of the future!
S- But that method leaves the ignorant in the same condition, remember that there are no bad people only ignorant ones, one has to give information to our discussion foes so they will be less ignorant after all is said, and then they’ll be better persons after a debate!
A- (Looking sheepish) Well… you see… I must beat them without giving them information! So many times in the past, they have made a monkey out of me because I don’t know much about the subject matter, and my cites then are lousy!
S- “Employ your time in improving yourself by other men’s writings, so that you shall gain easily what others have labored hard for.”
A- (Getting angry) That takes too long! I want to kick their rears now! “I can do it with one butt cheek tied behind my back”!
Everybody was rolling his eyes after trying to picture that feat! (“Good!” thought Aeschines)
S– Please! Even Plato, one of “those moron students” said “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”
Timon– “The speeches of Aeschines do not convince any one”
S– Now. be gone from my school, you ignorant!
A- (Losing it) Ignorant! Hah! I am a scientist from the future! You are going to worship me in a few days, after you discover all my foreknowledge!
All the students and teachers now saw Aeschines as a silly madman and began to make hissing noises, taking that as a unanimous vote, Socrates and other teachers started to move towards Aeschines.
A- I’m not moving from here!
S- If you don’t, you will feel the might of the “Force of Truth” boots!
A- Hah! I know my movie and TV truths and you guys did not have boots! You sandal footed skeptos! What are you going to hit me with? The lyre?
S- No, boot to the head! [SH-ZOOMP!]
And so, Aeschines learned the hard way that boots were used first in ancient Mesopotamia and then improved in ancient Greece! That, and also that Socrates still kept his military gear around!
A– Owe! Leather boots can hurt!
Billus and Teddus- Excellent!! A new slave for us dude!!
S– No, that will be enough for this ignorant being. "Let him who would move the world first move himself.”
Aeschines got up and left, admitting defeat only for this time. The chronicles are hazy on the fate of this Aeschines. So far, he is known to history as Aeschines ignoramilus the 9th one, it could be that he changed his ways, and the discovery of unknown documents will change his history.
-The End?
With apologies to the Frantics and to the Ancient Greek philosophers, except one.
…
Well, that settles it: an entertainment OP has showed that Aesquines is so far: glad for his ignorance and that he is debating only for rhetorical points, case closed.
Originally, this was going to end worse for Aeschines, but his last post on that thread showed that maybe he was seeing this coming; time will tell if this roast will need an update.
[sup]Butt cheek tied behind his back?[/sup] :rolleyes: