From the perspective of someone whose only had one partner, I think you’re overstating what you’re missing. Besides, that cuts both ways: if you’re someone who hadn’t planned on marrying the first person you have a serious relationship with, then meet the right person when you’re 19, it’s hard to be certain that you’re doing the right thing, even when your gut tells you that you are. So, what are your options? Break up with someone who’s great for you, because you haven’t sown any wild oats? Or deal with it and trust your gut, and hope you’re right?
I trusted my gut and I’m glad I did, (We started dating 9 and a half years ago, we’ve been married for two years, and things are great!) but it wasn’t easy to know intellectually that I was making the right decision, since I had no basis for comparison.
I guess my point is, you miss out on a lot of confidence and experience, as well as self-knowledge, when you haven’t been with more than one person. Those experiences are valuable, too.
Also, you get someone who knows what they’re doing, which is a huge plus. I mean, seventy two virgins–it’s great and all but after maybe two, you’re begging for a real pro, am I right?
Or you get someone who is so bad in bed, s/he never had a longterm relationship that allowed intimacy and trust and therefore (perhaps) a different type of adventurousness to develop. It cuts both ways.
Well, someone who’s literally waiting for marriage would kind of scare me…going through the basics and so forth. It could be a steep learning curve, and I wouldn’t want them to kill themselves if the relationship ended and they were now impure or something.
Kill themselves over sex? How bizarre. I don’t think many newly de-virginized folk are offing themselves. (afterall, if they are set on waiting for marriage, they wouldn’t be in bed with you or anyone, right?)
I’m just saying that lots of partners does not equal expertise or even good, basic technique–it might even argue against that. (of course being a virgin almost ensures lousy basic technique, but there are no bad habits to unlearn, either! Bright side to everything.)
I think what Freudian Slit was getting at was not that people were offing themselves left and right, but that setting such a high standard can lead to MAJOR psychological problems when the standard is not met for some reason.
I knew more than a couple of people in college who interpereted the “waiting for marriage” as “waiting for the person you’re going to marry.” So they stayed in bad relationships because they felt like they had already committed themselves to the person for life. Really sad situations. Some of them were clearly headed for lifetimes of misery.
(Of course waiting for actual marriage alleviates this problem, but brings with it some other issues, as we’re discussing.)
Yeah…like, what if you want to commit yourself to someone and then you realize they’re just not that compatible with you? It seems cutting your losses would be that much harder for you.
That chip on your shoulder must be seriously heavy.
A person isn’t allowed to express an opinion about a topic without being on the receiving end of your pissiness? I’m thinking he might have struck a raw nerve with you. Really, it’s okay that you’ve given it up a few dozen times. It’s ok, I promise.
I’m a guy. I’ve never asked this question by a date/girlfriend and I’ve never been asked.
I have no problem sharing the info, but it just seems unnecessary. There’s no number (high or low) that’d be a deal breaker for me, so I don’t know why it would matter. I usually develop a decent sense of a person’s past if I’ve been dating her for a while, so while I may not know exactly, I will roughly know that she’s been with “many,” “some,” “none,” or “helluvalot.”
Pissiness? I was just trying to be concise. When someone claims they don’t want to appear judgmental, then says something that I find incredibly condescending, I figure they might want to be aware that the things they are saying are exactly contrary to their intentions. We’re in IMHO, right? Well, here’s my MHO: when someone makes a choice for them self, and you tell them how “sad” it makes you, you are essentially passing judgment. Not exactly the type of thing you’d want to do if you “never meant to come off as judgmental.”
Thanks, Sleeps With Butterflies. I thought this thread was dead.
They’re probably right though. It is stupid for me to have such old fashioned views in regards to sex. And I don’t know why I should even care what other people do; it’s not like it’s my life. As long as they’re happy, that’s good enough for me.
