The Nurse From Hell

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

When I was paroled for good behaviour, the Nurse From Hell was assigned to visit me three times a week to change dressings, check vital signs and monitor for fluid in the lungs. I’m happy to report that this Gorgon will be paying me her last visit on Wednesday. She always spoke to me in an accussatory tone, and never once laughed at my witticisms.

My wife called the service to ask if it was permissable to give this Medussa a gift as a token of appreciation, and was informed that it would be okay if the gift was inexpensive. I voted for a slap upside the head, but was shouted down.

My daughter thinks a Bonsai tree would be nice, and my wife likes the idea of a silk kerchief. I’m leaning toward luring her to the backyard, whacking her over the head with a shovel, and burying her beside the rose bushes, but they said no to that as well.

They’ve asked me to put the question to the TM.

Kerchief or tree?

(Ask me if I care.)

2

I like the plant idea, but give her a cactus. One with long, pointy spikes.

3

How about a book of medical humor?

4

Wally, any creature that fails to laugh at your witticisms is clearly not human. If your family will not permit you to carry out your duties to rid the world of this monster, I say go with the noose, I mean kerchief. Mostly because I can’t think of a way for her to “accidentally” kill herself with the tree.

5

How about a nice pretty handkie that says Harley Davidson?

6

For a nurse a coloctomy bag would be both a practical and professional gift.

7

A pretty hankie tastefully wrapped around a one pound of of toxic waste?

Crystalguy

8

Once again, I vote for sea monkeys. The perfect gift for every occasion!

9

I vote for sea monkey shit.

The perfect gift for some occasions!

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

10

How about a box of candy? I don’t like the idea of a kerchief OR a tree.
Frankly, if I didn’t like her, I would get her anything. Jack-Q-Squat.
Zette

“If I had to live your life, I’d be begging to have someone pop out both my eyes. Just in case I came across a mirror.” - android209 (in the Pit)
Zettecity
Voted “Most Empathetic”- can you believe that?

11

How about a copy of “Triumph of the Straight Dope”? And if you can get your wife and daughter to look the other way, maybe you can trip her on the way out.

12

I vote with Arnold on the cactus idea. Plants are good “token” gifts, and you can make sure to poke her with the spikes as you give it to her.

13

I’ve always found an Ant Farm to be the perfect gift for every occasion. Since you don’t like her, be sure to give her an unlabled box of loose ants as part of the gift. :smiley:

“Mrs. Krabappel, are you trying to seduce me?”

14

Ask yourself this Wally: If you were a bonsai tree, would you want this woman pruning you every day?

Any similarity between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

15

Well, if it’s between a plant and a scarf I’d have to vote for the plant. But I think a bonsai is a bit high-maintenance as gifts go, whereas a nice potted Poison Ivy makes a lovely and functional addition to any decor.

Dr. Watson
“Number of employees it takes to answer a letter received by the Secretary of Health and Human Services: 55.”

16

Hey Wally, do you care?

17

Not even a little bit.

18

Get her a venus flytrap.

Tell her to sic it on the bug that crawled up her ass.

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

19

How about a medium-nice kerchief, wrapped around a box of those coconut chocolates, the kind everyone hates?

You could always add your own special touch to the chocolates…

This is my new sig. Thank Wally. It was his idea.
“I made my husband join a bridge club. He jumps next Tuesday.”

20

But what if she can’t find shoes to match the bag? :stuck_out_tongue:

Prairie Rose