Tom’s wife Patty has never had an orgasm. Her husband Tom suggests they go to a doctor to find out if there’s anything wrong. So they head down to the local clinic.
After a number of tests and questions, the doctor suggests Patty may be over heating during sex, and he recommends they buy an air condioner or fan to cool them down.
Unfortunately, Patty is rather tight with the purse strings, however, so Tom suggests that a mate of his could come round to waft a towel over them during sex. Patty agrees, and that evening Tom’s friend shows up, towel in hand. Patty and Tom go at it, towel-wafting friend at the bedside. After 20 minutes, still no orgasm, so Tom’s friend suggests they swap - “I’ll shag her and you waft the towel”.
Patty agrees, Tom takes the towel and begins wafting in earnest as the friend climbs aboard. Wthin minutes Patty is screaming with pleasure and has multiple orgams.
There is a stunned, rather embarrassed silence, until Tom turns to his friend and says,
Skimpy black dress: £60
Sparkly shoes: £80
Expensive make-up: £45
Nightclub ticket: £10
Seeing the look on her face as she wakes up in a filthy flat, covered in semen, you next to her with a massive grin on your face - priceless.
There are some things money can"t buy - in which case, use ROHYPNOL.
So the president of the U.S, an African president, a priest and a boy scout are all on an airplane. The plane is going to crash, and there are only four parachutes. The president of the U.S says “I’m the leader of the free world, so I can’t die.”, takes a parachute and jumps. The African president says, “My people need me to lead them, so I can’t die either.” He grabs a parachute and jumps. The priest tells the boy scout “Take the last parachute. As a man of God I can’t let an innocent boy like you die.” The boy scout says “Don’t worry about it. That dumb nigger grabbed my backpack!”
(As a side note, I am not a racist, nor do I enjoy racism. A joke is a joke.)
Old man Fred is not feeling well and goes to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor does some work and meets with Fred after a half hour. Doctor says, “I’m afraid to say I have some bad news and some really bad news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Fred thinks about it for a little and says, “Well, I should probably hear the really bad news first. That way the bad news does not seem so bad.”
The doctor says, “I’m sorry old man Fred, but you have cancer.”
Fred is taken aback. He says, “Wow. That really is really bad news. Well the bad news can’t be worse than this. What is the bad news?”
The doctor looks at him and says, “I’m sorry Fred, but you have Alzheimers.”
Fred looks at the doctor with a big grin on his face. The doctor says, “Honestly Fred, I am surprised you took the news so well.”
How many black guys does it take to shingle a roof?
Depends on how thin you slice them
A kid who’s father is Jewish, and mother is black comes running into the house one day saying “Mommy, am I more black or more Jewish?” His mother asks “Why do you want to know?” The kid replies:
“The kid down the street is selling a bicycle and I want to know if I should Jew him down or steal it.”
“Mr Smith, I’m sorry to tell you that we’ve had your wife’s blood test back, but the samples got mixed up. All we know is that she’s either got AIDS or Alzheimer’s.”
“Oh my god, that’s terrible. What should I do?”
“My advice is drive her into the middle of town and leave her there. And if she manages to find her way back home, don’t fuck her.”