Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe.
Always have a back-up plan, not matter how unlikely its necessity may appear.
If it doesn’t smell good, don’t eat it.
Even a clock that doesn’t run is right twice a day.
Don’t stand when you can sit; don’t sit when you can lay down.
If you’ve got one foot in the past and one foot in the future, you’re pissing all over today.
I learned that from my grandmother as, “Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.” Very useful when someone for whom you have little use, or with whom you often disagree, stumbles on the truth.
Another variant: Even a blind pig sometimes finds a truffle.
Shun advice at any price.
That’s what I call good advice.
–Piet Hein
“Hit 'em where they ain’t.”
–Wee Willie Keeler
Remember the number to 911, you may need it someday.
Corollary: symptoms of heartattack or stroke always deserve a 911 call.
When the light turns green always look both ways before proceeding.
I’m sure this saved my life some time ago.
Per Guy Clark: Always trust your cape.
Per Edna Mode: No capes!
Some things in life are too important to be taken seriously. So take them with a grain of salt.
And some tequila.
The thing about a tank is: anything that flies can kill it.
You get what you pay for
also
Golfing advice from my grandfather…if someone putts the ball short of the hole - Never up, never in. Or when addressing the ball on the tee - Stomach in, ass out!
Baseball - See the ball hit the bat
Keep calm and carry on.
Very heavy objects: Never lift when you can push, never push when you can pull, never pull when you can roll.
Never argue with a mug.
No, it’s easier to get permission than forgiveness. At least in my experience.
Clean up your own messes.
The secret to success is doing what you have to do better than you have to do it.
“Everything in moderation, including moderation.”
― Oscar Wilde
Eat your vegetables, they’re good for you.