Make time to read.
I’m not convinced.
It ain’t over till it’s over.
Don’t do anything that you don’t wanna see in the papers.
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
Unless you’re in a country where the emergency number is different, and always check what that number is before you go 
“Antique” is just a fancy way of saying “old”.
(Okay, it’s not advice in itself, but it was part of my grandmother’s belief that we should use all tools if they still work for us.)
This was on coffee mugs and tee shirts all over London. What is it all about? (And I just noticed your message count:
Total Posts
666)
When you make a policy decision, whatever your motives behind it, phrase the announcement so it sounds like anyone who complains is the bigger jerk for doing so.
Prove to me that a seagull can destroy a tank.
Quite simple, really…the seagull lands harmlessly on top of the commander’s hatch. And then it explodes.
“Never go with a hippie to a second location.” - Jack Donaghy
“A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.” - Dave Barry
That’s why there are so many of them.
This post is the most hilarious thing I have seen posted on this board in a long, long time. My hat is off to you.
Never look at internet porn at work. They will always find out.
Always remember that you are an individual- just like everybody else.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly’s to the bone.
C’mon. Everyone knows that penguins explode, not seagulls.
Advice I got from my best friend on my wedding day:
“NEVER call her a bitch.”
Speaking of wedding days…From my twice divorced father, on the topic of marriage:
“The fucking you get ain’t worth the fucking you get.”
“The punishment which the wise suffer, who refuse to take part in government, is to live under the government of worse men.” – Plato