Posted by someone using a 2 in their username in place of the word “to.”
I’m all for correct grammar, spelling, and usage, but the last girl I dated seriously(who I met on OkC) constantly and consistently swapped lose and loose. It irritated me, but there are more important things in love. See Dan Savage’s “The Price of Admission.” Also, autocorrect, anyone? Also also, POF eats OkC’s dust when it comes to dating sites.
It’s the ones that end with “4u” that put me off. Please, be your own person and live your own life first; you must have some identity beyond just who you can be for me.
Does “POF eats OKC’s dusts” mean that POF sucks in comparison. If so, then I agree. I’m not well experienced in dating sites but I’ve noticed, from my few weeks on some of them, that OKCupid is pretty good. The grammar the girls use is top notch and even the quality of the women is better. Again, I’ve only had a somewhat cursory experience on POF, but not only did most of the women there seem “ghetto,” their writing was atrocious and, in fact, even the official messages from POF were badly written.
I was a part of this conversation some years ago and would like to jump back in. I was fairly cynical back then and don’t think I’m any more positive. I hope I don’t annoy too many people:
I’ve given up on dating sites but I think maybe I want to give them a chance again. At the least, it’s a supplement to meeting some nice girl in the real world. There’s nothing like the rush you get when you go up to some pretty lady on the street and just start talking to her and she actually smiles at you. Of course, the drawbacks are the times some women look at you like you’re a flasher just because you say, “Hey, what’s up? Nice day we’re having,” or whatever.
I see a lot of “experts” talking about how you should say this and how you should say that, how you should use one website instead of another. One self-proclaimed expert said that using OKCupid is a problem because a girl is going to know you’re cheap. Well, OKCupid (apart from the fact that online dating sites basically suck for all men) is a pretty good site and even fun to use. You get to put up a profile and then there are questions you can answer which, in my opinion, can say a lot about a person. One of the first things I look at, even though I’m not gay, are the three main “are you okay with homosexual questions”: should gays be allowed to adopt, should they be allowed to marry, is homosexuality a sin. It’s a pretty big turnoff when they answer no, no, and yes and it tells me I don’t want to be with judgmental people like that. Also, I know a woman who says that welfare is mostly bad and that people with low IQs should be banned from reproducing is not someone I’d want an intimate relationship with.
I haven’t subscribed to eHarmony yet but I figure it’s got the whole 10 men for every woman problem figured out and may work better than most sites. Match.com is probably like OKCupid except you have to pay for the privilege of being ignored by 999 out of ever 1,000 women that you approach.
I went on a date with a nice lady some months ago. I really thought I hit the jackpot. Here’s this pretty, smart lady who was willing to meet with me even though I had one grainy picture up of my face. She had a sense of humor and seemed to appreciate me for some reason from my profile. Well, we got together. I thought it went okay. Maybe she was expecting Bruce Wayne in person, though. She didn’t want to date after that. That was too bad. Then my uncle died the next day and so when a pretty girl smiled at me in Manhattan later in the week, I didn’t approach her like I should have. I was kind of down, you see. And so, I’m back to square one.
I don’t know what the ratio for men to women is on these sites, but I’ve read a point somewhere that made a very good point. Women on these sites are so popular that they can be very picky about who they date. If they’d normally go for a guy on their level, now, being spoiled by all the attention they get online, they’d be more likely to pass them over. Yeah, I know. Women get a lot of creepy comments. Well, they have a delete button and I’m sure they know how to use it. Not every person on there is a creep. I know I’m not. I know the others commenting here are not. But, the typical rule is if you contact a woman on these sites, you will be ignored.
I think men should just boycott these sites, at least those who get no replies. If you’re one of the few successful ones, then by all means keep at it. But if you are on there for six months and excited for that one reply that may go on a date with you, don’t you think you’re giving the process too much credit? If enough men boycott these sites, then these suckers will change their system so that it can actually work. You know, you can go there, contact about a hundred women and get dates with ten of them (which is the going rate if you go up to girls on the street and chat them up).
But the typical man is not going to do that, not when he can hit up “hotties” on Match.com. One guy once complained on a site that the girls on eharmony are ugly and he hates that you can’t search there. To this guy, Match.com had a lot of “hotties.” Did any of these hotties ever get back to him? Well, no, but people still play the lottery even though they won’t ever really win.
It is inspirational though when you hear about a guy who’s been on a site for a year and finally meets someone. Persistence does pay off. But I wonder if I want to put up with the insult of being outright rejected. Personally, I would rather be ignored on these sites than to receive a message. The last thing I’d want is fifty messages in my inbox getting up my hopes only to read one, “Sorry not interested good luck on here” after another. But being ignored still sucks, especially when you put some kind of effort into responding in an original way.
Maybe meeting a woman on these sites is like finding a needle in a haystack. I think it’s more like finding a grain of earth sand dropped on the moon. But what’s the alternative: being embarrassed as you go up to some nice lady to strike up a conversation and her boyfriend driving a Bentley rolls up and picks her up? Both kind of suck, really.
I’ve already mentioned my views on homosexuals (I’m totally for them). Anyway, trying to be funny on my profile, I wrote, in response to the question of what my favorite “shows” are: “I’m not gay so I’m not really into Broadway shows.” Being the genius that I am, I didn’t realize they meant television shows (but that’s besides the point). So I contact some girl and she gets back to me right away and calls me a homophobe and a lowlife for using the word “gay” in a derogatory way and that I should “grow up.” There’s all levels of sensitivity out there. If someone thinks I’m a homophobe because I made a common, harmless joke about Broadway shows, there’s nothing I can really do about it. But it does sting to be insulted like that. But I moved on.
You know what I really find amusing – when some pretty girl who’s a doctor (or in some other field that’s supposed to help people and which requires a decent amount of intelligence to thrive in) answers affirmatively the question: “Do you think the world would be a better place if people with low IQs were not allowed to breed?” but completely bombs the question of on what hand a glove would fit if you turned it inside out, as well as insisting that “Wherefore are thou Romeo” means “Where are you Romeo?” even making my correct answer (“why”) red and unacceptable.
Sometimes you just have to laugh to keep yourself from banging your head against a hard object.
I mean, what do I know? But I make a point of having lots and lots of photos of myself on my profiles-- face shots, body shots, different kinds of clothes and hair styles. And all photos taken within the last year. I want there to be absolutely NO confusion about who or what I am.
When I do the online dating thing, I won’t message back guys who have one grainy photo. That’s weird. We live in an age of cameras on every cell phone-- take some clear pictures of yourself and we can talk.
So, perhaps you’d be received better with more and better photos. That way, there’s no surprises for the ladies who DO take you up on your date offers (though I’d be awfully suspicious of how desperate a woman must be to go out with a guy who only has one grainy photo of himself up).
I don’t know if women are doing this (I don’t look at their ads) but I am amazed at the number of men who don’t have one decent photo up.
any they have are far away (part of a crowd at something or even just on their motorcycle) and/or grainy, as you say.
no face shot at all, what are they thinking?
That they know they are ugly. 
That’s a tough one because, on the internet, it might not come off as a joke, and I certainly wouldn’t ‘go there’ on my profile, but a nice little come back would be ‘project much?’ (IOW, you’re implying that’s she’s the homophobe for getting so insulted by the comment).
The Romeo question is a funny one. I looked it up so I know my answer (why) is correct, but that also means that to 99% of the people that look at my profile, it looks like I’m wrong. I should just unanswer it. Right or happy and all that. Though I have seen a few people that answer it and then explain why the answer is why, I’ve thought about doing that as well.
The glove question makes sense to me, but I’m good at visualizing things.
The question that really gets to me is why so many people answer that the Earth is bigger then the Sun…C’mon.
I think it’s funny when a girl has like 5 pictures up and as I scroll though them I’ll think
1)she’s kinda cute
2)She’s still cute, but her hair is over her face
3)Okay, but her hand is in front of her face, hey she’s got a scarf wrapped around her face in #1 also
4)Okay, in this one someone took a picture of her while she was chewing so she covered her mouth
5)She’s kissing a dog…which is over her mouth.
So, coincidence or is there something wrong with her mouth (or left eye or ear or whatever is hidden in all her pictures)?
But yeah, also, if every picture if you is so instagrammed (or so small or sideways or three pictures that are all the same picture), I can’t tell what color your hair is, that bothers me too. Just give me a few, nice unedited pictures, that’s all I ask.
And, as someone said upthread (or maybe in another thread) if you say “A few extra pounds” and you just have head shots, you’re not doing yourself any favors. I’ve seen people that say “a few extra pounds” that probably weigh 140 and people that say “a few extra pounds” and weight 260. A Few Extra Pounds/Curvy/Athletic and Toned are all used pretty loosely, if you’re not going to describe yourself accurately, you might as well leave it blank. It’s really only used so that other people can find you. For example, my search leaves out ‘thin’, if you’re actually a few extra pounds, but mark the box that says ‘thin’ you might never come up in my search since I’m not looking for someone that 5’7’’ and 115lbs.
I’m just not very photogenic. When I look in the mirror, I think I look okay. But when I take a picture, I just seem to blow up forty pounds. The camera is just not kind to me. But I try to find the best representative pictures of myself, but they are few and far between because I am not in the habit of standing in front of cameras too often. I’m always afraid my smile is going to look fake so I just sit them out.
The trick to taking good pictures is to take a lot of pictures. Everyone comments about how naturally photogenic I am, but it’s all a big lie. I’ve practiced taking pictures enough that I know what angles are most flattering to me. Pop yourself in front of your web cam and take like, 100 pictures. Figure out what works for you.
Remember: even models at photoshoots don’t look stunning in every single frame. There’s a reason the photographers take 1000 pictures a shoot. . . and use 4.
This is a video from a Youtuberwho is a model/actress about how to look skinny in pictures. Obviously, she’s got a very specific look she’s going for and she’s a she, but you can see from watching this for just a few minutes how much a minor change in pose can completely alter a photo. She’s still her, she’s just taking more flattering photos. You’ve got to figure out what works for you, but that’s only happening through practice.
Ok…I’m scared as crap to do this but here goes. I’m having little success with online dating. One year…about 10 conversations, and one awkward date. I’ve maybe messaged about 50 people. I’m on four dating sites. I set it down for awhile but now I’m back it as my work and living situation have changed. Here’s my OKCupid page…let me know what you think. http://www.okcupid.com/profile/MusicMotionMind?cf=profile
(hides in corner)
Looks fine to me. I guess it’s kind of like looking for a job, you just have to be persistent and power through.
On the pictures:
In the group shot, tell us which one you are. For example Team Canoe (I’m second from the left). It’s not a big deal, but it’s a pet peeve of mine (and most people as far as I can tell) when people have all these pictures and you spend all this time trying to figure out which one is them.
In the swing picture, tell us who the girl is. If I was a girl and saw that, I’d be thinking “eww, I don’t really want to see a picture of his ex girlfriend”. Anytime people put up a picture with someone of the opposite sex, I’d like them to tell us who it is (best friend, roommate, sister/brother/cousin). So, maybe you could add in if that’s your dance partner, friend, whatever, just so people know that it’s not an ex.
Thanks…fixed!
Actually, it sounds like the Match.com algorithm works really, really well. After all, it’s trying to point you towards someone you actually know you once had a very strong and mutual attraction with. From Match.com’s perspective, that means it’s doing an excellent job of connecting you with potential mates. Not the program’s fault that it doesn’t know the two of you had a pre-existing relationship.
You can’t expect a return without an investment. The rates you are getting actually aren’t that bad. You are getting 1 conversation out of every 5 messages, which is pretty good. 1 date per every 10 conversations is a bit low- are you wasting time with drawn out chats, or are you moving to meet after confirming mutual interest? I bet you could get that rate up to 1 date per 5 conversations. In my experience, 1 in 5 is also the golden ratio for good dates per awkward ones.
So if you take a year to send 50 messages, it’ll take you two and a half years to have a single good date! But if you can take half an hour send out 10 messages on weekdays, that should translate into 2 dates per week, and hopefully a couple viable options each month.
Remember, online dating is a tool for meeting people. It works best when used as one.
Thanks, yeah I was living with my parents for the last year, due to a live in relationship ending. I wasn’t too agressive as I felt that was a deal breaker for many women. I’m on my own again now, so I’ve been more agressive. I’m trying to contact at least one person a day and see what happens. I try to send three messages max before moving on to a face to face meeting.
That’s a good point about the possibility of a woman being somewhat desperate if she contacts me with just one picture up (for the record, I have about four or five pics up now). However, on the other hand, maybe it could just be that she’s not picky like the majority of women (and men, I’d venture) are on these sites. I had a little back and forth with this woman that I eventually met in person and she appreciated my sense of humor so I thought we might hit it off. Besides, she was a professional and intelligent, got back to me even though I had one picture, so I figured she wasn’t too caught up on looks.
Now, I’m just wondering if any girl that gets back to me and agrees to meet up with me has some kind of desperation. That sort of gets built into your psyche when you get ignored by 99 out of 100 women that you contact. It’s really silly to think about, though, but I can’t really help it.
I’m really surprised because I haven’t put that much effort into contacting women over the past month, but out of ten to twenty that I’ve gotten into contact with, I’ve gotten a couple of in-person meetings. What bothers me, though, is how the hell do I work up the nerve if I don’t feel a connection after meeting in person and have to turn her down? I’m not cut out for that. Sometimes, I wish that I just wanted to have sex. I could try to hook up with as many women as possible and go from there. But actually wanting to make an intimate connection with someone makes it all the more difficult if there has to be a rejection, whether it comes from her or from me.
I made an agreement with one guy that no matter what, we would just end the first date with a friendly hug. If we didn’t like each other, then we could tell each other by e-mail the following day, that there was no chemistry. If we did like each other, then maybe we could break the whole friendly hug rule, lol. But that way, you don’t have to end the date awkwardly.
I know how hard it is to tell someone you’re not attracted, even just after they send a picture. How do you say, uhh, ok, yeah, never mind…which is why I wanted to meet someone I met online recently, so that I could meet him, have one drink, and then the following day say, oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t feel the chemistry.
(P.S. Get this – one guy I went on a date with, who I didn’t find attractive, but I didn’t know how to tell him, so I had sex with him anyway, e-mails me the next day, and says I didn’t feel the chemistry! Guess he didn’t know how to tell me either!!)
I’d probably wind up getting married just to avoid having to hurt anyone’s feelings! Then, at our golden anniversary, I’d come clean.