This guy definitely checked my profile after I sent him that message, because OKCupid’s home page lets you view your recent ‘Visitors’. He visited my profile the day I sent it, and for whatever reason elected not to reply. shrugs
I am an at least mildly attractive 24 year old female (yes, with boobs) and I’ve written plenty of people, both men and women, and never gotten a response back. It happens. Maybe he doesn’t like your profile, maybe he isn’t attracted to you, whatever. I suppose it would be politer to write back and say “sorry, not into you,” but what would be the point, really? If I don’t get a response, I take that response for granted and I just move on to the next likely looking profile. No sense in worrying about it. You have to get a lot of "no"s before you get the “yes.” Hell, my last relationship was with someone I met on OKCupid and he said I was the first person to ever reply to one of his messages. :eek: We had a fun, if short time together… so you never know when it will click.
I’m currently talking to a few nice guys on OKCupid–since I’m moving soon I changed my profile to the city I’m moving to, just to check out what’s available, so to speak, and a few interesting people messaged me. But I won’t actually be there until late August… I’m really enjoying our emails back and forth so far but I don’t know if I can keep it up that long without any plan of meeting someone… not sure what to do about that, but no sense in worrying yet I guess.
So here’s some more of my sweet sweet moves. I was prowling on craigslist and I was sending out emails to ads. I got a response to one, it wasn’t actually spam, but it was a girl that needed ‘help with rent money’ :rolleyes: She seemed nice enough so I decided not to be judgmental and I said I wasn’t looking for that, and good luck with her search.
Then I get another email later that night from another ad that I’d responded to. All it said was “no thanks”. Dammit it was her again! So I replied back “You should try posting an ad in the Erotic section, you’ll probably get more replies that way” and sent it off.
That’s when I realized it was a completely different email address. :eek::smack::smack::smack: So yes, I told some random chick after she turned me down that she should be posting in the whore section instead. Go me!
Let us know if that works out.
I found this to be a problem with Eharmony. Then, when I let my membership lapse, I would still get “matches” and be notified that I was receiving communication requests - but I could not respond to them, even to say “I’m no longer a member”. I wrote to EH about this, and their only response was that I should sign back up.
I am on Match now, and recently I sent an email to a guy, but didn’t hear anything for two weeks - then I got a response saying, “Well, I decided to join just so I could read your email.”
I also agree that sometimes the other person is just not interested, and it’s not worth it to have to compose a polite email saying “no thanks”. Match has a function for that, supposedly they will send an email to the sender saying politely that you’re not interested, but offering other matches. I’ve never been on the receiving end of one of those yet (I either get an email back, or no response at all).
Here’s my latest dilemma in online dating:
I’m on Match now, and I’ve been contacted by a few gentlemen who I am completely uninterested in (for whatever reason - age, distance, appearance, interests, etc.). But I’ve also been approached by a few men who seem to be intelligent and pleasant enough, and we seem to have some things in common; but yet I am not in the least attracted by their picture. I know that most people look better in person, but I just don’t sense any physical attraction.
Is it a waste of time to meet them anyway, or should I just cut it off from the beginning? I’m trying to be open-minded and avoid being shallow; but I don’t have many free evenings to begin with, and it seems unfair to waste his time and mine if it doesn’t seem likely. Then again, I wonder if, in person, he could win me over with his charm and enthusiasm.
**Divine - **
In my opinion, if they are intelligent and pleasant - give them a second chance. Think Albert Einstein and Cyrano DeBergerac here. The souls and minds can be so beautiful - and neither are captured well in 72dpi.
If you want a different result in your dating life, you might need to try a different method. And declining an opportunity based on looks might be the method to change. Just a thought.
Good luck!
–Mel
Well, see, when I was on EH, I DID go out with quite a few men who were not physically attractive to me. And then we’d spend a pleasant evening, it was fine. But as someone on another thread so eloquently said, “Yes, yes…But does he make you want to take off your pants?”, and the answer would be, well…No. There comes a point when you have to either start to explore a physical relationship or walk away. It makes for some very uncomfortable good-night kisses. How can g-you get past that? Isi it possible to pretend that I’m enjoying a physical relationship and hope that eventually it’s true? A “fake it 'til you make it” kind of thing?
I get past that by having the first meeting be something like a get together for coffee during daylight hours (even if it’s just after work). I do this whether I think I’m going to be physically attracted to the guy or not. Because even if the pictures do it for you, and the email is good, doesn’t mean you’ll click in person and there’s nothing worse than committing yourself to spending an entire meal with someone that you can’t stand to be around (for whatever reason).
If it’s just coffee (tea/soda/whatever), you can merge that do a dinner after if you’re getting along and the chemistry is there. If not, at worst it’s 20-30 mins and you’re on your way home. Plus there should be zero expectations of a “goodbye kiss” after a 20 minute meet-and-greet.
For myself, knowing that some people just can’t take a decent picture to save their lives (I’m one of them), I judge pictures less harshly. If I think there is any possibility that the picture is just a bad photo then I’ll either start communication or be receptive to it if the profile adds up. But it’s still a risk (on both sides - just because someone thinks they may like my picture, doesn’t mean they’ll like the real deal) which is why I like to do the meet-and-greet as soon as possible. Less chance of either party “wasting” time.
I think I may have misread your post, Divine.
Unfair or not, if I’m not feeling a spark after two dates I move on. For me sexual attraction isn’t going to grow quick enough when I’m getting to know someone “from scratch” to develop a romantic relationship and I want to avoid those awkward goodnight kiss situations.
What am I supposed to make of someone who emails me from 400 miles away? There’s no photo and all their email said was
Seems to be a scam to me. Maybe I should run with it.
ETA: that woman that I screwed up with hasn’t emailed me back. But I have started talking to another woman. I’m going to try and not screw this one up.
What does everything think of this? It was the entirety of someone’s profile. Ignore the grammar and spelling for a moment and just read the words. I googled it and the entire passage, exactly as shown, shows up in someones myspace profile as well
ETA, I just noticed something. I saw this when it came up as my Daily5, but looking at her actual profile, it appears to have been cut and pasted from somewhere. Based on the weird spacing.
Is this profile for a man or a woman? I’m confused. “I like to surprise women with gifts” “the man in my life” and also “am I one man woman”. Is it a bi female? Does the myspace page seem to be the same person?
It sounds rather disjointed, like a stream of consciousness.
thise and othiss? I have no idea what “thise” is supposed to be. I’m guessing “othiss” is supposed to be “others”. Right?
The profile is a woman in Milwaukee who, as far as I can tell, is straight. The myspace profile is a guy in Colorado. They don’t appear to be the same person.
I tried this exactly once (not online dating, but a friend-of-a-friend deal) and it was an absolute, unmitigated, complete disaster. Maybe for some love can “grow over time,” but for me, I know if it’s there or not within 10 minutes, and if it’s not, no amount of trying on my part will force it to happen, no matter how good he may look “on paper.”
I’m not saying you are necessarily like me. But I would absolutely not recommend this to anyone. The fallout was brutal.
On the other hand… this is what I’m like with men. With women, I become good friends with them, and the love thing sneaks up on me some months later. But again, I’m not “faking it” at all – I’m being friends with them. And if it happens later on, great. If not, there were no expectations anyway.
I wonder if he stole it from her, or she stole it from him.
Either way it’s not appealing.
Where did you get this idea from? I’ve found it to be the precise opposite. People put up the most flattering photos of themselves.
Well, I don’t have a cite for it; but I think you would agree that most people don’t have professional photographers, makeup artists, hair stylists, lighting experts, etc. when a picture is taken. IME I have just found that people are usually much more attractive when they are animated, talking, laughing in person, then they are in some static, frozen “moment” in which the picture was snapped. And, since I have seen some decidedly UNflattering pictures on dating sites, I wonder, “Do they really think this is a good picture to attract dates?” so I figure they must look better in person.
You’re right, Melon, people do try to post the most flattering pictures they have of themselves, which is another question I have about online dating - Why do men post pictures of themselves from a distance, sitting on a motorcycle, in a convertible, on a boat, etc., where the main focus of the picture is the toy and not the man? I HATE these pictures - I want to see what the guy looks like; I’m considering dating the man, not the boat. Maybe some women are impressed by the cycle or the boat, but to me it seems contrived, where he’s consciously TRYING to impress me with the toy. Do you really want a woman who would go out with you mainly because you have money to buy toys?
No, but for every picture I have up there are a dozen others not good enough to make the cut.
1.) It shows that they have money.
2.) In general pictures of you being active (even if it’s just you sitting in a car) are superior to pictures of you sitting in front of your computer (like mine). It shows that they have lives (like with the boat).
I would understand your gripe if that was the only picture they had up. But most people have several.
If I had money to buy toys; sure.