How the flying fuck can you parody the Prez when he takes Official Action to promote plastic straws?Ending Procurement and Forced Use of Paper Straws – The White House
He didn’t
Sorry, I meant to say promote plastic straws. Thanks for the catch.
It’s the ultimate expression of Poe’s Law. He has become a parody of himself.
If you’d predicted this, prior to the election, you’d have had right-leaning people telling you not to indulge in ridiculous hyperbole.
When Betsy de Vos became the Sec’y of Education I shared a HuffPost parody saying that she was going to flatten all of the globes in classrooms to represent the Flat Earth as God made it. Many teachers I showed it to thought it was real but it was fake. Just let that sink in for a minute.
Posted elsewhere, but relevant here. To be clear, the screenshot below is not from the Onion. Really.
Image doesn’t seem to be showing in the quote. Here it is in all it’s Onion’ish glory:
Even 8 years ago, it was getting hard.
Satire isn’t dead just yet:
Danes offer to buy California to spite Trump’s Greenland aims: ‘We’ll bring hygge to Hollywood’
Satirical petition from Denmark, which owns Greenland, racks up 200,000 signatures as Trump eyes Arctic island
Dunno what “hygge” is yet they’re trying.
My father was Norwegian so I’d heard this tale before:
The Saga of Erik the Red states: "In the summer, Erik left to settle in the country he had found, which he called Greenland, as he said people would be attracted there if it had a favourable name.
Hygge is a word in Danish and Norwegian that describes a cozy, contented mood evoked by comfort and conviviality.
Hm. So Greenland was conquered by a shady real estate developer? History repeats itself.
Damn! If Denmark buys California, I’ll waste half my life going through Customs!
I will welcome our new Danish overlords, and their baked goods!
I need to renew my Passport if I wanna ski The Face anymore.
I can see it now; Ozempic for everyone! (One of the biggest companies in Denmark is Novo Nordisk, makers of Ozempic and Wegovy.)
In the immortal words of the Grateful Dead …
The other half found me stumblin’ around, all drunk on Burgundy wine.
And LEGO!
In 2023 I made this post that had a frighteningly large number of contributions.
Now, in just the first few weeks of his presidency, the sheer number and level of crazy of these Onionesque headlines is mind-boggling. What is 4 years of this going to bring? 
Directly from the Prez’s official website:
President’s Intelligence Advisory Board
Establishing the President’s Make America Healthy Again Commission
Rather than comment on what IS there, I’ll just mention what’s conspicuously absent:
- Firearms (leading cause of death for US children and teens)
- Traffic accidents
- Working too hard at jobs you don’t like … for ever decreasing wages … under constant threat of termination, outsourcing, or automation
- Not having access to high quality affordable child care
- Being the only advanced economy nation without Universal Health Care
- Direct-To-Consumer prescription drug advertising (only in the US and New Zealand!!)
I presume that’s all coming.
In two weeks.
And that’s ignoring the blatantly obvious irony: just like Melania’s “Be Best” anti-bullying campaign … Trump’s lifestyle choices make this astoundingly hypocritical.
But I’ll give credit where credit is due. We are in awfully poor shape as a nation. I just Do Not Trust Trump and his administration even a little bit to do the right thing(s) about it.
He is well known as the Health and Intelligence President.
Just ask him.
With a straight face.
If you can.
I got through some of the press briefing: Trump has 12X times Biden on answering questions, 4X Obama on something else and 73 EO’s that all read (at best) like the output of ChatGPT. Although I just asked ChatGPT to write an EO to MAHA and we won’t be doing this one: (#2 of 5)
Physical Fitness & Active Lifestyles
- Establish a National Fitness Initiative to encourage Americans to engage in at least 150 minutes of exercise per week.
- Provide tax incentives to businesses that implement employee wellness programs.
- Expand funding for public parks, bike lanes, and pedestrian-friendly infrastructure.
Asked for an EO encouraging Americans to cheat at golf and it’s like it knows him so well:
SECTION 2: GUIDELINES FOR STRATEGIC PLAY
To uphold the values of competition, entertainment, and self-improvement, the following best practices shall be recognized as acceptable modifications to traditional golf etiquette:
- Mulligans for All – Every golfer shall be entitled to an unlimited number of mulligans, as long as no one objects—or notices.
- Improved Ball Placement – If a ball lands in a bunker, behind a tree, or in any location deemed “unfair,” the player may discreetly relocate it to a preferred position.
- Flexible Stroke Counting – Scores may be adjusted as necessary to maintain competitiveness and self-esteem. If questioned, a player may invoke the “Presidential Privilege Clause”, asserting that any witnessed strokes were simply “practice swings.”
- Putt Until You Make It – Any putt that comes within three feet of the hole is to be considered a successful putt, as long as the player “definitely would have made it” in better conditions.
- The Honor System – All players shall be encouraged to self-report their scores with absolute discretion and may adjust as needed to reflect how they feel they performed rather than how they actually played.