I think:
Some of our recent trolls are the creations of very regular, very well-known posters on this board. I’m just not sure who.
The money wheel that determines who makes the Showcase Showdown on “The Price is Right” is rigged. It can be slowed down to land on a winning number for a contestant the show’s producers deem would be good to have in the Showdown.
Feel free to post your own paranoid observations. Just try not to disturb us too much.
OK, who are you guys and why are you staring at me like that?
I think:
Milossarian is a government agent who started this thread so he can determine who has conspiracy theories that lie to closely to the truth about various govt cover-ups and conspiracies so that he can monitor us.
I am the Appointed Happiness Officer of this thread. It is my job to make sure all Citizens in this thread are duly medicated, as Alpha Complex standards dictate.
Long live the Computer.
(Now, let’s just see who’s a big enough nerd to get that one.)
All those bastards chasing me…that’s what gets me!!!
Bastards!!! Following me around trying to steal my brain waves. Its my pants…my PANTS!!!
Dog wafers, candy dishes, big salmon.
Flarn, breen, zoop, grack.
Oh yeah…and that showdown wheel thingy.
Plishingly blap,
Graeme
Am I the only person who got Flypsyde’s joke about the Paranoia RPG?
If you want real paranoid rantings read the Illuminatus Trilogy by Robert Anton Wilson.
HUGS!
Sqrl
Never underestimate those guys in the toll booths collecting your money!! The know everything about you by the time you drive through the booth.
Oh yeah, Hot Dogs 10 to a pack, buns 8 to a pack!
Sili
I’m not paranoid, they are out to get me! 
Easiest way to get on Price is Right: well endowed female wearing purple, jump and flounce around a lot. You’ll be in the showcase showdown before you can say “But they are real!”
AOL/Time Warner and others are in a great conspiracy to dumb down the population further, to the point here AOLers will let AOL send them stuff that the marketing drones want sold, and even helpfully charge it to their credit card. “No Click” shopping anyone? Of course there will be misbillings (when profits are needed) and getting AOL out of your system will be impossible, cause it will be it’s own OS, and impossible to reformat your drive or sign up with anyone else.
I think you are, Sqr-L-Cub. These other clones are obviously Commie Mutant Traitors, and the Computer will have them exterminated before the end of this daycycle. I, as your duly Appointed Happiness Officer, must insist you take your Happy Pills and drink plenty of Bouncy Bubbly Beverage.
And remember, Citizen, the Computer is your friend.
The government is purposely trying to increase road fatalities by not adopting my system of painting all of the lines on the road with glow in the dark paint.
(I think some of the people from the Chicago fest heard me ramble a little bit about this)
Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get me.
I have fond memories of this from my RPG days. (Note: Not “rocket propelled grenade.”) We had a cutthroat group; it got so I’d send a folded note to the GM every single turn. The other players had no idea the notes simply said stuff like, “Nothing special for now. But look at me and grin.” I wonder if that’s why I got killed a lot.
Regarding my own paranoid perceptions: I sometimes think I’m the only one who can see the fnords…
Snipers on rooftops. They’re all over the place. Look out!
I’d have replied sooner but I was afraid I’d fall into some kind of trap door if I opened this thread.
Whew
But if it wasn’t here, maybe it’s under the next one. Eeeeeee!
The Amish are conspiring to spy on me. Granted, they use spyglasses instead of infrared night vision gogles, old fashioned listening tubes instead of high tech bugs, and instead of using the Internet to get information, they root around in my trash, but still, it’s the principal of the thing.
Just last night I saw one of them follow me home. He tried to fade into traffic, but his horse and buggy made too much noise. I woke up this morning, and found that one of the bastards had whitewashed my fence!!
I think Milo just started this thread so he could get a list of names to show to the Grand Visiers.
Flypside- as High Programmer Junk-U-RDO-5, should you make disparaging comments about me again, I’ll have to let R&D know that you’re very enthusiatic about the prospects of testing their latest grenades.
Trust no one.
“What I don’t like is that when you hit your 900th post, they tie you down, and while Tubadiva distracts you with the fan dance, Ed Zottie inserts the Cecil Chip into your brain; But they won’t catch me, nope; I…”
“No! NO! Let…ME…GO!!!”
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
::In Monotone::
“Cecil is my master…death to trolls…”
WAVE just adjusting my scope for 500 yards.
Osip
Of course I got it, Flypsyde! and I don’t even like RPG’s!
I played PARANOIA once, but not being any kind of RPG’er, I was bored with it after a while…
THE COMPUTER IS NOT YOUR FRIEND.
I AM.
There is no master anywhere.
The fnords can’t eat me.
Is a thought in Cecil Adams’s head a real thought?