Right now I’m feeling
sexually repressed
ambivilant
creative
confused
frustrated
bored
curious
dull
uncaring
unconventional
truthful
romantic
energetic
tired, yet not sleepy
depressed
I can’t say I’m happy. I’m certainly not sad. I don’t have a care in the world right now which scares me because that makes me care, throwing me into this whole emotional paradox that I can’t escape from. I’m pretty sure I need a vacation. I’m sure I need to win the lottery. I damn well want my book to be published despite the fact that I haven’t yet written page 1 of it yet. Maybe I should just get a story published first. Or just go back to working at a newspaper.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m average. That doesn’t inspire me. I think I’m going to rename myself Joe.
Who knows? maybe I’m just having my period. It would be kinda weird what with having my penis block that blood flow, but hey, stranger things have happened.
I’m pretty sure it’s the sexual repression though. I’m just too damn lazy and scared to do anything about it. Sigh. Why do I have no qualms about airing any and all dirty laundry to the world but I can’t pick up the phone and ask a girl out on a date without feeling self-conscious and embarrassed…assuming I make the call in the first place.
Maybe I should add melodramatic to the list.