Confirmed.
[QUOTE=Kalhoun]
Wait a minute…I can understand if someone is “bothering” you in some way, that you’d have to be the one ponying up the cash and initiating the restraining order. However, this is a completely different situation! The police don’t automatically institute some sort of protective order that keeps this little bastid far enough away that he can’t intimidate you and the kid? This just seems so lame to me. I’ve never been involved in a protective order situation before, but it seems to me that they’d include this as part of “serving and protecting” your family. You shouldn’t be the one that has to do it. Can someone help me understand why Norinew has to be the one to take this step once the police have been brought into the picture?
[/QUOTE]
Restraining orders are not automatically given even for victims of assault. Seems counterintuitive but there it is. It may technically be a civil matter (vs. criminal) because party a has to sue party b. I honestly don’t know.
In this case, absent the punk actually doing something intimidating or threatening, a judge still might not issue one.
[QUOTE=Kalhoun]
Wait a minute…I can understand if someone is “bothering” you in some way, that you’d have to be the one ponying up the cash and initiating the restraining order. However, this is a completely different situation! The police don’t automatically institute some sort of protective order that keeps this little bastid far enough away that he can’t intimidate you and the kid? This just seems so lame to me. I’ve never been involved in a protective order situation before, but it seems to me that they’d include this as part of “serving and protecting” your family. You shouldn’t be the one that has to do it. Can someone help me understand why Norinew has to be the one to take this step once the police have been brought into the picture?
[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I have to call the detective Monday to double-check this. I’m not too concerned about their behavior this weekend, as we won’t be here most of the time. Mudgirl is going to a party at a friend’s house this afternoon (and the punks will not be there) and tomorrow, we’re leaving for some family stuff in Baltimore.
In the first place, these parents don’t give a blue fuck what their kids are doing as long as it’s not inconveniencing them. In the second place, they have no control over these kids. Their parenting “style” is to stand on the porch and scream at them. You can imagine how wildly effective that is. :rolleyes:
I know they’ve been investigated by CPS a number of times and probably been on the verge of losing their kids, but the fact is, there are too few foster homes, and not enough places to put kids who really should not be in their environment.
You know what? I know it’s a holiday, but I’m going to call the detective right now.
[QUOTE=Drain Bead]
If you want, I can send you some PayPal money to help cover the costs. I’m sure plenty of other people will do the same.
[/QUOTE]
Check your PM’s. 
Just to address something up thread. You can photograph people in public spaces without getting permission and it is completly legal.
If he is your yard, then you have to get permission from the homeowner and since that would be you, that should be easy.
If he is in his yard but visible from the public, then you can photograph them from the public space.
So when are they going to haul him off in handcuffs?
That gives the little Craphead(s) an opportunity to cross the line and mess with your place for spite, too.
Anybody watching?
[QUOTE=LadyMack]
That gives the little Craphead(s) an opportunity to cross the line and mess with your place for spite, too.
Anybody watching?
[/QUOTE]
Watching? Yes. I’ve been a very active member of the neighborhood association for more than ten years now. I’m putting word out that we’ll be out of town for a couple of days and have my friends on alert.
Check your PMs.
[QUOTE=norinew]
In the first place, these parents don’t give a blue fuck what their kids are doing as long as it’s not inconveniencing them. In the second place, they have no control over these kids. Their parenting “style” is to stand on the porch and scream at them. You can imagine how wildly effective that is. :rolleyes:
I know they’ve been investigated by CPS a number of times and probably been on the verge of losing their kids, but the fact is, there are too few foster homes, and not enough places to put kids who really should not be in their environment.
You know what? I know it’s a holiday, but I’m going to call the detective right now.
[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I was afraid of the non-involvement but giving the benefit of the doubt. In another thread about public education, vouchers, etc. and the subject turned to what a bad system we have for foster kids etc. Too bad if it has to come to that, but clearly your kid has to come first. The parents have had other opportunities to step up…it isn’t even like this is the one infraction that’s costing them their kids.
Re: calling. I’d defer to others who have dealt with this personally, but I would think the rule of thumb would be, “Complain early; complain often.”
[QUOTE=lobotomyboy63]
Yeah, I was afraid of the non-involvement but giving the benefit of the doubt. In another thread about public education, vouchers, etc. and the subject turned to what a bad system we have for foster kids etc. Too bad if it has to come to that, but clearly your kid has to come first. The parents have had other opportunities to step up…it isn’t even like this is the one infraction that’s costing them their kids.
Re: calling. I’d defer to others who have dealt with this personally, but I would think the rule of thumb would be, “Complain early; complain often.”
[/QUOTE]
I think the parents have been talked to so many times by the police they’re sort of numb to it, really.
I called the detective today and left a voice mail.
I was so bothered by the depth of the anger in reactions to my first posting on this thread that I showed it to an acquaintance, who is an investigator for the public defender’s office here in my hometown. He was a police officer when I was editor of the local newspaper and handled many of the sex assault cases for the local P.D. I printed out **norinew’s ** OP and had him read it and then asked him, “Isn’t there another way this could have been handled?” His answer: “Sadly, no. Not today.”
Apparently there has been a societal shift in the decade I’ve been out of journalism, a shift that I missed completely – probably because I was out of journalism. The line between parenting and policing has moved, and I didn’t see it.
I apologize to **norinew ** for the insensitivity of my first post. I’m appalled at the suspect youth’s brazen aggressiveness. And I’m less ignorant today than I was a week ago.
Apology gratefully accepted.
I think all of us are caught flat-footed sometimes by changes that pass us by without us noticing.
[QUOTE=norinew]
This is going to be the very tricky part for me.
Keep those punks off my property? No brainer.
Prosecute to the fullest extent of the law? No brainer.
Give my baby whatever support I can? No brainer.
But because of my own background as a woman who was not only sexually abused, repeatedly, as a child, but as a woman whose mother did nothing to protect me, even though she knew what was going on, it’s so difficult to keep perspective, y’know? I’m really starting to think I will need counseling for this before I can decide if she does.
In the meantime, though, I’ve carried on as normal (at least in front of her; my freaking out has all been when she’s not around. Hell, I’ve got tears in my eyes right now). In addition to doing that, I’m giving her whatever “Mommy time” she feels she needs.
We’ve got a fun evening planned, with a picnic at the home of a friend of hers, and tomorrow, it’s back to day camp for her. I may have to pull her out early if the stuff starts to develop, but unless that becomes necessary, I’m going to maintain her schedule as well as I can.
I have praised her to the high heavens for the way she handled the situation. I don’t want her to feel like a victim. I want her to feel like a strong, smart, capable little girl (and she really, really is) who did exactly the right thing at the time.
Thank you all again for your kindness and support. I know I’m getting repetitive here, but I don’t know what else to say. . .
[/QUOTE]
I’m new here but wanted to say something to norinew ,
I had several step mothers and one of them was the kind of person you describe your mother as being , and I just want to tell you the strenth you have shown is absolutlly amazing and the best thing for your sweet little girl , she is so lucky to have a mom that has ‘broken the cycle’ of child negelet and abuse , comming from the background you do and being able to as you said ’ do what;s in the best interest ’ of your child shows how a person can ‘better’ themselves and teach a child to love themselves, the fact that your baby could come to you with her horrible experence and trust you to protect her ,says more than mere words could ever tell , Kat
Sending lots of supportive thoughts your and your family’s way, norinew. Keep your chin up and your temper tamped down; keep careful notes and/or take pictures if the punks or their families mess with you. I’m a muni court magistrate and former assistant county prosecutor; you’re following exactly the right course.
Quote fm Drain Bead: “If you want, I can send you some PayPal money to help cover the costs. I’m sure plenty of other people will do the same.”
Ditto, Norinew. I used to have a Pay Pal account. Please let me put my $ where my (big) mouth is.
btw, what’s PM?
Love, Phil
[QUOTE=phil417]
Quote fm Drain Bead: “If you want, I can send you some PayPal money to help cover the costs. I’m sure plenty of other people will do the same.”
Ditto, Norinew. I used to have a Pay Pal account. Please let me put my $ where my (big) mouth is.
btw, what’s PM?
Love, Phil
[/QUOTE]
PM is Private Message. If you look up top of the screen, you’ll see User CP. If you click on that, you’ll find a link for your Private Messages. Likewise, if you click on the link under my username, you’ll find a field that says “Send PM to norinew”
I’ll send you a PM so you can check it out. 
Oooops. My bad. You don’t have PM or email activated, so I can’t PM or email you. You can, however, email or PM me just by clicking under my username and choosing one of those options.
I should add, if you decide to email me, put SDMB in the subject line so I don’t mistake it for spam.
[QUOTE=Elendil’s Heir]
Sending lots of supportive thoughts your and your family’s way, norinew. Keep your chin up and your temper tamped down; keep careful notes and/or take pictures if the punks or their families mess with you. I’m a muni court magistrate and former assistant county prosecutor; you’re following exactly the right course.
[/QUOTE]
I really, really appreciate the input of a court magistrate here.
Someone in Sunrazor’s pit thread (and I think he should now qualify for un-pitting, btw), said I should just lean on my family and IRL friends for support for this kind of stuff. But honestly. . .you’re a court magistrate; Bricker, an attorney, has weighed in; a Doper whose mom is an attorney specializing in these kinds of cases has emailed me with offers of help to “connect” me to the right people here in western Maryland.
My IRL friends don’t have those kinds of connections! 
You are all being much too kind!
Long ago, people joined the Lions or Elks or Masons for connections and support.
They’re not so popular these days. Community is where you find it.
[QUOTE=norinew]
Someone in Sunrazor’s pit thread (and I think he should now qualify for un-pitting, btw), said I should just lean on my family and IRL friends for support for this kind of stuff. But honestly. . .you’re a court magistrate; Bricker, an attorney, has weighed in; a Doper whose mom is an attorney specializing in these kinds of cases has emailed me with offers of help to “connect” me to the right people here in western Maryland.
My IRL friends don’t have those kinds of connections!
You are all being much too kind!
[/QUOTE]
Luckily there’s no reason to choose “either” your friends IRL “or” those here on the SDMB. At times like these, you need all the support you can get.
How’s mudgirl doing?
Wow, I’m getting to this thread late, and backwards! (I saw the Sunrazor pit thread first.)
All I can say is I join in the consensus praising how Norinew has handled this situation. I can imagine it is all too easy to go ballistic. Norinew’s ability to always put her child’s needs first in this situation seems like exactly the right priority. I join this awesome crowd of (mostly) strangers wishing you all the good that can possibly arise from this.
I wish there were more awesome parents like Norinew, but I wish there were fewer of them that ever had to have their parenting tested like this. May justice be served, and may the blessings of your family increase.
When one thinks about it, perhaps the greatest sorrow of this whole story is that the punk kids don’t have parents like Norinew.