I also just wanted to offer up my support. You have handled this well. My oldest is starting Kindergarten in the fall and you’ve given me a good lesson to pass on, “No Go Tell” is something that she’ll be completely familiar with by fall.
I wish the best for you and Mudgirl and I hope that this is resolved as easily as possible for your family without further damage. I’ll continue to keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.
I’m thinking it’s possible that this mother might be molesting this boy-or else someone else in the family is, and she’s in complete denial.
A civil case? You mean there’s a nonzero chance these little scumbags will escape the filing of criminal (juvenile) charges?
I don’t really know anything about this particular case yet. I do know that Punk Number One’s family has been investigated by CPS numerous times, and have not had their children removed. I do know that this punk is still stepping onto our property even when he’s been “talked to” by the detectives. I do know that there have been numerous other cases where justice was not served by the public defenders and the system in general.
All I’m saying is if this turns out to be one of those cases, we’re prepared to take it to civil court, to protect our little girl as well as future victims.
I’m with Guin on this one. While children are innately sexual, this is over and beyond the bounds of normal behavior, and it’s a big red flag that someone has been using him for sexual gratification.
If I were the teacher, I’d already have called CFS on him.
norinew, I’ll join the ever growing chorus. You’re doing a fantastic job. While this should never happen to anyone or anyone’s child, you should be cited as a case study for how to handle this in a healthy, responsible manner. Mudgirl, too, should be praised to the heavens for being so self-possessed and clear-headed.
While I do discipline my kids when they need it (mudgirl can still tell you about the one time she got a spanking, even though it was four years ago), I strongly believe in encouraging positive behavior with praise. So, yes, I’ve praised her again and again for handling this situation just the way she was supposed to.
When she told her whole story of what happened, it turned out that the point at which she said “Wait. Time out.” was the first time in the encounter when she felt “safe”. She said it was like “looking before you cross the street; you check to see if it’s safe first”, and that’s when she broke away from the encounter and found me to report it.
I’ve also used this as a “springboard” if you will, for further discussion on handling assaults, and just handling situations that make you feel uncomfortable. She felt uncomfortable considerably before she called a halt to the situation because it seems she was waiting to see if she was being unreasonable, since these were “older” kids and she assumed they knew something she didn’t.
I fully understand her waiting until she did, and have reassured her time and again that it even though she did have some genital contact with them, she did nothing wrong.
I feel good about all the praise I’m getting for my mothering skills, but honestly, it’s pretty easy to be a good mother when you’ve got a good kid!
Remember, too - there’s a world of difference between having charges filed, and having the defendants convicted. If charges are filed but the trial results in an acquittal, per the double jeopardy rules, the punks cannot be held criminally liable for their actions.
And while I have no reason to doubt norinew or mudgirl’s version of events - per what we have been told, the situation is one girl’s unwitnessed testimony against that of two older boys. It’s not impossible for me to believe that a jury might decide, for whatever reason, that mudgirl fabricated the story. Especially if the jurors suffer from CSI disease - and they are stuck only with two (or three) conflicting verbal accounts of an event that left no physical evidence.
You know, based on the things I have read from you, I think we might have more than a little in common. The funny thing is, I have said this exact statement so many times that you would not believe. My kids are amazing.
I said that exact comment to a friend who put it in perspective for me – my kids are as awesome as they are because I am as great of a mom as I am 
I’m not perfect, but I do my best, and apparently it’s pretty good. Perhaps you need to get that perspective, too? 
Chicken and egg, norinew.
Some people are naturals at it, too. Maybe it comes from being well-parented yourselves. Good kids don’t just “happen,” as the neighbor boys from across the street prove.
Oh, Dear Og, honey, it does not come from my parents. My mother’s idea of parenting me involved dropping me off at a known child molester’s house while she went out with her boyfriend and my father (her husband) was at work. I think in many cases, the people who had the worst parents become the best out of a need to make sure no one gets as screwed up as they are (at least in our own minds).
Forgot to add the “YMMV” :smack:
Are you me?? You may have gathered from previous posts, I have similar experiences from my childhood. Yes, one factor in the way I raise my kids is that I don’t want to be the kind of mother my mother was!
Has JD the Elder been on your property again?
He’s only been on the property twice that I’ve seen. I was thinking as I wrote that it was awkwardly worded and sounded like he’s continued to come onto our property, but so far as I know, it’s only been the two times.
I need to check later today to make sure he’s been officially notified of the restraining order (we were advised not to say anything to them about it). However, given his past irreverence for the law, I’m not optimistic that this will keep him away. It is, however, one more weapon in our arsenal against him! Wish us luck!
One thing that I always remember is all of the fire safety commercials and things like that where they say that you have to practice a route out of the house and everything. Just like that is why we always had so many fire drills- when you are panicking it is easier to follow the plan than to come up with something right on the spot.
Reading this whole thing made me realize that all again. Not only did Mudgirl know what to do, but now I’ve got an example.
I mean, this is a thing I’ve never seriously thought about. Truthfully, I’ve never had to, as I’m hardly more than a kid myself. I only knew the “get away and go tell someone” side and never thought about what the adult would have to do.
This felt to me as almost a textbook example of “what to do”. NorineW, I think what you’ve done is amazing. I know that you’ve heard pages of this, but I don’t think it can be said enough. Your whole family is wonderful.
I can say truthfully that I don’t know how I would ever react in a similar situation, but your reaction and handling will be what I think of in the future.
I wish you and your family well, and I hope everything will go as smoothly as possible in the future.
It is also nice to see that, no matter how awful things are, SDMB is there with both help and a friendly hand. This is why I started reading and why I didn’t mind paying. This communities is one of my favorites thanks to the people like those in this thread. Y’all rock.
yeah
And I’ll bet I’m not the only Doper parent who had a serious chat with a small child. We’ve discussed it before, but it needs to be reinforced.
I agree. I can’t believe the teacher didn’t inform whatever child protective agency exists in norinew’s state. (If in fact she didn’t, she may have.) Teachers are mandatory reporters; if they see a red flag they are required by law to report it, and that note is a giant red flag.
I suspected that the punks had been served with notice of the restraining orders, because:
I left the house at about 8:55 this morning to take mudgirl to day camp. When I came back at about 9:05, the punk across the street was sitting on his porch, with his father. They were both staring daggers at me. I didn’t respond or react in any way. I noted their attitude, looked at them blandly for a second, and moved along with what I was doing. I could almost feel the father wanting to confront me and then not quite daring (have I mentioned I’m pretty sure he’s physically abusive to his family? It would follow that he’s a coward, too). So I suspected the restraining order had been served. I got into the house and then called the court house.
Yep. The punks now have notice to stay away from my daughter, even if she’s not on my property.
Now, lest you worry this means I’m going to let my guard down, well, don’t. I’ll still be keeping an extra-close eye on things (again walking that fine line between watching closely enough and watching so closely I induce paranoia in the poor kid).
Fish Nya, yes, I’ve heard pages of this positive reinforcement, as well as numerous emails, PMs, and other forms of support. It all helps! Thank you!
The note was given to maggenpye’s daughter, not norinew’s.