The punks who assaulted my daughter (long)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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[QUOTE=phil417]
I’m know I’m going be unpopular for these questions: (1) Were there any other kids in the yard besides your daughter and these two teen boys? (2) If not, WTF were you thinking? Where was your head that you thought your little girl was ok w/two teenage boys in the area?
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I hope you were a better teenaged boy than you seem to think every teen boy out there is, Phil. Must’a done for several very nervous years, otherwise.

My family must have shepherd ancestry or something (hopefully, not shepherd dog); all of us up to the second-cousin level have histories of babysitting huge groups of kids; there been times when my we found ourselves being tagged as a “safe person” by a kid who was looking for his mommy (mommy was found, every time); back when we used to all go to the same public pool, our group was known as a good place to start looking for your kid, as it was both highly likely that he might have gravitated there and, if not, a good place to find a bunch of responsible kids who’d go help search. While most of my memories of this are from when the oldest ages were in single or barely-double digits, I’m reasonably sure my brothers and most of my cousins could be trusted with kids when they were in their teens (the one I wouldn’t have trusted, it would be cos he’s a prankster, not for abuse reasons).

Norinew, thank you. You’ve done a great job with Mudgirl. I hope this whole mess can be solved with minimum damage to everybody.

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{{{Norinew}}}

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{{{{{Norinew}}}}}

I hope that I become at least half the parent you are right now.

MT

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Best of luck to you and mudgirl, Norine. I want to kick the living crap out of those little bastards on your behalf. You are an incredibly wonderful mom and I hope I have just a fraction of the self-control you’ve shown. And the fact that your little girl trusted you enough to tell you what happened is a testament to your excellent parenting.

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Oh, wow. There’s no words to say how sorry I am that you and your family are going through this, so I’ll just echo the others. You’re a good mom, and you handled this thing perfectly. You guys’ll be in my prayers.

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I know this is gonna’ get me pitted, but I have to say it.

I think calling the police was an over-reaction. One kid’s father was obviously concerned, and the kid obviously knew right from wrong because he’d ratted himself out the only way a teen-age kid knows how to – minimizing what he’d done. I think you at least owed it to the other parents to let them do their own parenting. Just because a kid does a punkish thing doesn’t mean his or her parents have failed … yet. Ban the kids from your yard? Sure, you have to know your daughter is safe. Get pissed as hell and unload your anger on the punks? I’ve stood by while my sons were verbally scalded by a neighbor who’s head received a rock hit into her yard in “batting practice”.

Your daughter obviously had the presence of mind to call time-out and report to you what had happened. That’s because you taught her that, and she did exactly the right thing. Do you really need drugs to deal with that? Frankly, I think your daughter is better able to cope with the situation than you are. Get a grip – it won’t be the last time a boy will try to get her to do something she knows she shouldn’t. I think you can be completely confident that she will not allow anything to happen to her body she doesn’t want to have happen. If she tells you each time, great. But if you call the cops each time, you’re going to give her a warped view of how to deal with inappropriate behavior.

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[QUOTE=Sunrazor]
I know this is gonna’ get me pitted, but I have to say it.

I think calling the police was an over-reaction. One kid’s father was obviously concerned, and the kid obviously knew right from wrong because he’d ratted himself out the only way a teen-age kid knows how to – minimizing what he’d done. I think you at least owed it to the other parents to let them do their own parenting. Just because a kid does a punkish thing doesn’t mean his or her parents have failed … yet. Ban the kids from your yard? Sure, you have to know your daughter is safe. Get pissed as hell and unload your anger on the punks? I’ve stood by while my sons were verbally scalded by a neighbor who’s head received a rock hit into her yard in “batting practice”.

Your daughter obviously had the presence of mind to call time-out and report to you what had happened. That’s because you taught her that, and she did exactly the right thing. Do you really need drugs to deal with that? Frankly, I think your daughter is better able to cope with the situation than you are. Get a grip – it won’t be the last time a boy will try to get her to do something she knows she shouldn’t. I think you can be completely confident that she will not allow anything to happen to her body she doesn’t want to have happen. If she tells you each time, great. But if you call the cops each time, you’re going to give her a warped view of how to deal with inappropriate behavior.
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There’s inappropriate behavior, and then there’s rape of an 8 year old girl. Under the law, at least in my state, that’s what took place here. It’s a felony of the first degree, same as murder or robbery with a gun. I work in juvenile court and have defended 13 and 14 year olds charged with similar crimes many, many times…and I still think that what norinew did here was entirely appropriate given the circumstances. Juvenile court is designed to get these kids the help and counseling they obviously need. Are you seriously thinking that accidentally hitting the neighbor lady in the head with a rock is on the same level as sticking your dick in her mouth without her consent?

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[QUOTE=Sunrazor]
I know this is gonna’ get me pitted, but I have to say it.

I think calling the police was an over-reaction. One kid’s father was obviously concerned, and the kid obviously knew right from wrong because he’d ratted himself out the only way a teen-age kid knows how to – minimizing what he’d done. I think you at least owed it to the other parents to let them do their own parenting. Just because a kid does a punkish thing doesn’t mean his or her parents have failed … yet. Ban the kids from your yard? Sure, you have to know your daughter is safe. Get pissed as hell and unload your anger on the punks? I’ve stood by while my sons were verbally scalded by a neighbor who’s head received a rock hit into her yard in “batting practice”.

Your daughter obviously had the presence of mind to call time-out and report to you what had happened. That’s because you taught her that, and she did exactly the right thing. Do you really need drugs to deal with that? Frankly, I think your daughter is better able to cope with the situation than you are. Get a grip – it won’t be the last time a boy will try to get her to do something she knows she shouldn’t. I think you can be completely confident that she will not allow anything to happen to her body she doesn’t want to have happen. If she tells you each time, great. But if you call the cops each time, you’re going to give her a warped view of how to deal with inappropriate behavior.
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Her eight-year-old daughter was sexually assaulted by a pair of teenagers.

Calling the police is never an overreaction in the case of sexual assault..

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[QUOTE=Sunrazor]
But if you call the cops each time, you’re going to give her a warped view of how to deal with inappropriate behavior.
[/QUOTE]

Dude, this wasn’t a teenage boyfriend trying to cop a feel off his teenage girlfriend’s breast when she didn’t want him to. It was two teenage boys making a grade-school girl give them a blowjob. Goddamn worlds of difference there.

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[QUOTE=Sunrazor]
I know this is gonna’ get me pitted, but I have to say it.

I think calling the police was an over-reaction. One kid’s father was obviously concerned, and the kid obviously knew right from wrong because he’d ratted himself out the only way a teen-age kid knows how to – minimizing what he’d done. I think you at least owed it to the other parents to let them do their own parenting. Just because a kid does a punkish thing doesn’t mean his or her parents have failed … yet. Ban the kids from your yard? Sure, you have to know your daughter is safe. Get pissed as hell and unload your anger on the punks? I’ve stood by while my sons were verbally scalded by a neighbor who’s head received a rock hit into her yard in “batting practice”.

Your daughter obviously had the presence of mind to call time-out and report to you what had happened. That’s because you taught her that, and she did exactly the right thing. Do you really need drugs to deal with that? Frankly, I think your daughter is better able to cope with the situation than you are. Get a grip – it won’t be the last time a boy will try to get her to do something she knows she shouldn’t. I think you can be completely confident that she will not allow anything to happen to her body she doesn’t want to have happen. If she tells you each time, great. But if you call the cops each time, you’re going to give her a warped view of how to deal with inappropriate behavior.
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If you knew an 8-year old girl was sexually assauted and did not call the cops, you would be guilty of a crime yourself.

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[QUOTE=Sunrazor]
I think calling the police was an over-reaction.
[/QUOTE]
If the boys were also 8 years old, maybe. But they are full-fledged teenagers and this is very dangerous behavior and a serious crime.

They need to be charged to make sure that they don’t abuse any additional victims. Chances are they’ve done it before and that they’ll do it again without some consequences and treatment.

If the kid just gets a scolding from his parents (and who knows if they’ll even do that), chances are he’ll keep offending. Getting him attention NOW is the best course of action, and will likely save future victims.

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Holy fucking shit! That’s terrible, norinew, but you are doing a bang-up job of handling it so far. At least aside from the Xanax and drinking. I can only imagine how you’re feeling, but you need to be there for your family, too.

I won’t be the one pitting you, but you absolutely could not possibly be more wrong. Whether these are bad kids or if they just did something wrong this once and will grow up and be decent people, I don’t know. But it sure as fuck wouldn’t be right for norinew to let the boys be boys here. Teaming up and coercing a little girl like this makes me think they’re seriously twisted and if she let it drop, they could hurt somebody else. I also can’t imagine trying to explain to her daughter that she decided not to press charges.
It does sound like her daughter is holding up very well, and I hope it stays that way. But my limited experience tells me that the pain of what she just went through isn’t going to show up right away; it’s going to settle in over time.

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[QUOTE=Sunrazor]
I know this is gonna’ get me pitted, but I have to say it.

I think calling the police was an over-reaction.
[/QUOTE]

Overreacting would be the poster who implied (while not actually saying so) that under NO circumstances should teenage boys be alone with girls (even while the girls mother is yards away.) This was not an overreaction.

Note the word “forced.”

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I should clarify that the Xanax is mine, my prescription, and not only am I not taking more of it than prescribed, I’m not taking as much of it as prescribed. I probably should not have drank the wine last night, you’re right. But while I wouldn’t drive (because I don’t take those chances) I was in no way wasted, inebriated, etc. And I should note, I felt that my Xanax was the best way to not freak out in front of mudgirl, which would have made things worse for her. I have a lot of baggage, as the victim of ongoing child sexual abuse, and I’m having a harder time dealing with this than she is.

As for Sunrazor’s comments, I won’t pit him, either. If someone else wants to, well, whatever. I don’t think I over-reacted at all. I will address some of his points, though.

You don’t know anything about this boy’s parents. This boy goes around stealing stuff from neighbor kids, has been banned from all local shops for shoplifting, and all the father does is make excuses. I don’t trust them at all. I think he did the only thing he could do under the circumstances, circumstances being that he knew I called the cops. If he hadn’t seen a cop at my porch, he’d still be walking around saying “Who? Me? Nah, you got the wrong kid”

I absolutely think the parents have failed. Not because of this specific incident. Three of their five kids have been kicked out of school because they aren’t controllable. One time, one of the older kids (who was about 12 at the time) spit orange soda at my middle kid (who was about 13 at the time) in our freakin’ yard. I dressed the kid down about it, and his father gave me such a hard time about the incident (at the bus stop) that a while later, the principal of the school called me. Apparently, kids had gotten off the bus talking about the incident. The principal was of the opinion that I should press verbal assault charges against the father. I didn’t do it.

Damned right I’ll ban them from my property. These days in Cumberland, that includes the right to tell them they cannot walk on the sidewalk in front of my house.

See above. I don’t trust the father to stand by while I unleash my anger.

Plus, see DtC’s post about me being guilty of a crime for not reporting it.

If these kids are doing this at 13, what the hell are they going to be doing when they’re 20? And who have they done it to in the past that hasn’t reported it? I’d rather have them branded for what they are.

If you disagree with that, well, we all have variable mileage, don’t we?

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[QUOTE=norinew]
I should clarify that the Xanax is mine, my prescription, and not only am I not taking more of it than prescribed, I’m not taking as much of it as prescribed. I probably should not have drank the wine last night, you’re right. But while I wouldn’t drive (because I don’t take those chances) I was in no way wasted, inebriated, etc.
[/QUOTE]

And I should’ve been clearer too. I understand taking one last night when it must’ve been near impossible to sleep and I don’t want to be bossy about how people cope with things. I just meant be careful that you don’t start leaning on it.

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[QUOTE=Sunrazor]
I know this is gonna’ get me pitted, but I have to say it.

I think calling the police was an over-reaction. One kid’s father was obviously concerned, and the kid obviously knew right from wrong because he’d ratted himself out the only way a teen-age kid knows how to – minimizing what he’d done. I think you at least owed it to the other parents to let them do their own parenting. Just because a kid does a punkish thing doesn’t mean his or her parents have failed … yet. Ban the kids from your yard? Sure, you have to know your daughter is safe. Get pissed as hell and unload your anger on the punks? I’ve stood by while my sons were verbally scalded by a neighbor who’s head received a rock hit into her yard in “batting practice”.

Your daughter obviously had the presence of mind to call time-out and report to you what had happened. That’s because you taught her that, and she did exactly the right thing. Do you really need drugs to deal with that? Frankly, I think your daughter is better able to cope with the situation than you are. Get a grip – it won’t be the last time a boy will try to get her to do something she knows she shouldn’t. I think you can be completely confident that she will not allow anything to happen to her body she doesn’t want to have happen. If she tells you each time, great. But if you call the cops each time, you’re going to give her a warped view of how to deal with inappropriate behavior.
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This is the single most inappropriate and ill-thought-out advice I’ve ever seen on these boards. How bad would the crime have to be to make it worth calling the cops? What if he shot her, but it was only a flesh wound?

Yeah, if she calls the cops each time her daighter is sexually assaulted, then… what? WHAT? What the FUCK do you think is the appropriate response to sexual assault?

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[QUOTE=Marley23]
And I should’ve been clearer too. I understand taking one last night when it must’ve been near impossible to sleep and I don’t want to be bossy about how people cope with things. I just meant be careful that you don’t start leaning on it.
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Totally understood now. Thank you for clarifying.

I know that my family needs me, all the more so because my husband works out of town Tuesday through Friday. Believe me, I don’t get trashed when I’ve got kids relying on me!

Wait, that came out wrong. That’s not to say I do get trashed when they’re gone for the evening or something. . . :stuck_out_tongue:

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You sound like a great mom, and you should be proud mudgirl stood up for herself like she did.

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First of all, NorineW, let me join in the kudos and sympathy. What an incredibly shitty situation, managed as well as possible.

I do have a few questions, though, and I realized after typing them that a few of them might come out sounding critical, which isn’t intended.

What does your 17-year old daughter think of this? For that matter, (as she’s a doper herself?) what does she think of the fact that you’ve discussed it on a public message board? For that matter what do you think your 8 year old daughter will think in 10 years if this thread still exists? I think there’s an interesting discussion to be had, outside the context of this thread, about revealing personal information about children which might still be there when the children are grownups…
Oh, and how in the name of all that’s holy is this possibly not a Pit thread?

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[QUOTE=Sunrazor]
I think calling the police was an over-reaction.
[/QUOTE]
really? Because you don’t think that they’ll just come around again another time because she seemed like an easy target the first time? Or is it that you don’t think they’ll just be better at picking a younger or less outspoken child next time? (Not rhetorical)