She’s very emotionally sensitive, but she’s handling it well. She has good friends and a counselor to discuss it with, and of course, she can always talk to me. She’s outraged, though, and wants to hurt them. And she’s generally not violent.
She understands that you guys are a coping mechanism for me, and I’m doing what I have to do to deal with it.
Hopefully, she’ll realize that I was (am?) a member of an online community where I can discuss things I can’t necessarily discuss with my IRL friends (I don’t want this around the neighborhood yet). I hope that she would be glad her mom had an outlet when she needed one, and I think she would think it was cool that Dopers were so supportive of the situation (she’s been to a number of DopeFests, which is how she ended up already having a username, lol). If she thinks otherwise, I hope we can discuss it.
I truly, honestly believe Sunrazor must have misread the OP.
norinew I can’t imagine how tough this must be for you given what you went through as a kid yourself. It’s hard when those issues come up to live in the present and not the past. It’s bad enough coping with this as a parent, but as an abuse survivor… that must be something else. If someone did something like that to my kid I think I’d probably lose my mind on the spot. I am really impressed – and impressed you taught your kids good coping skills and reactions. You did the right thing and we’re proud of you. (((Hugs)))
I won’t give a formal warning because your comment is directed at Sunrazor’s post and not him personally. But poster to poster, I’m going to throw it out there that the most important thing here should be supporting norinew and her family.
Agreed, if I had a daughter, I’d have to be prevented from going over to those punks with my good friend Mr. Mossberg and have a little…“discussion” with them
Norinew and Mudgirl have shown admirable self control and maturity
as for the punks, throw the book at 'em, it’s slammertime, time for them to get a vacation at the Juvie Straight-Bar-Motel
Here is what the mother reported hearing from the daughter- the eight-year-old daughter:
When a pair of teenagers forces the daughter to “suck on their private parts,” it’s over - what you’ve got is some degree of sexual assault/battery on a minor. The correct response is to report the crime, and see to it the alleged miscreants learn, in a hard, clear way that forcing sex is a crime. And the daughter needs to be reinforced in that she was correct in resisting and reporting. Mom and Daughter did well. If the alleged miscreants are guilty, they need to be dealt with severely, as they apparently have a history of disruptive, annoying and predatory behaviour. firm action now might salvage them.
Bingo. Advice here has been and will remain focused and appropriate. The Pit often encourages little more than rabid frothing. That, right now, does no one the least bit of constructive benefit.
Doggone it, I DO support **norinew ** and her family! But good grief, do we have to pop pills and drink wine to deal with this stuff? Look, guys, I was a newspaper reporter for more than two decades, I covered more sexual assault cases against children than anyone on this thread, unless you worked for law enforcement or the courts. I already said Mom did a great job raising the child, and the child did a great job stopping something wrong when she did. I’m just saying that where I come from – and I don’t mean geographically, but culturally – when kids get out of hand, the parents handle it. What do you guys think it means when we small-town folk say “it takes a village to raise a child”?
Okay, you don’t have to agree with me, and obviously none of you do. It’s not the first time I’ve had to defend an unpopular opinion. But let me ask you this before you demonize somebody else’s child: What do you think gave those boys the idea in the first place? Why would they try that right in the girl’s own back yard? I don’t for a moment doubt the veracity of the eight-year-old girl’s account. On the other hand, when I was asked to put a “Believe the children” bumper sticker on my car, I refused because I knew that there are always more facts than what a child can know.
If she wants only hugs and support, she needs to go to her family, that’s what families are for. But if she comes here, she has to know that there are people out here who disagree with the way she handled the incident.
I will say this, however: Since she called the police, she’d better be tough enough to handle the process without chemicals and alcohol. What she’s about to experience is not going to be fun.
Holy fucking shit, Norine. As if sexual assault by teens on an 8 year old isn’t bad enough, this is Mudgirl we’re talking about! My unhelpful suggestions involve a sturdy filleting knife.
(((((NorineW))))
Sunrazor, would you like another shovel? Assuming that the OP is accurate – and for all I respect Norine, her post is anectode not evidence – the situation went FAR beyond “kids getting out of hand.” You’re welcome to your opinion, but kindly take it one forum down.
Sunrazor, it is completely inappropriate of you to equate sexual assault of a small child by teenagers to “kids [who] get out of hand”. You were wrong, you were called on it, and I suggest that you drop this now.
(I would pit you myself, but I don’t think that’s what norinew wants.)
I think the boys were ok with this behavior because of bad parenting. That is why it would be better to call the police.
What is it about the parents of these two boys that you think makes them better suited to handle this than the police? Especially since the only thing you know about them is that their kids think it is a good idea to sexually abuse an eight year old girl.
Let’s not try to demonize her for drinking. It can be done responsibly.
As far as toughness goes, succumbing to a glass of wine after her kid has been sexually abused, with first hand knowledge of what sexual abuse is like, puts norinew far ahead of what most people can handle. Norinew, sucks that you have to go through this. Remember that things will get happy again.
Sunrazor, may I point out, very gently, that despite your experience as a reporter you are neither a police officer nor a lawyer; that the police officers norinew talked to considered this to be serious; and that, after speaking with mudgirl alone, the police officers decided that this was a matter that had to be investigated?
I suggest you rethink your opinion in light of the fact that the police consider this to be a probable crime. And remember that any sexual contact with an 8 year old is a felony. They weren’t playing doctor here, and the boys are definitely old enough to know better.
Bloody hell Norinew, that’s just, gah, words just fail me. I hope the swine who did this get the full force of the law thrown at them. You and your entire family have my sympathies. Especially Mudgirl. Damn. Words are just failing me. Just damn.
{{{{{{{{{Norinew and Mudgirl}}}}}}}}}}
As for unhelpful suggestions, I could always detour en route to Boston next week to use a couple of lead bricks to ensure the two swine can never do anything like that again…
I’m sorry this happened. You both did exactly the right thing, and with any luck this will all be no more than a minor, though unpleasant memory. Childhood is full of crappy things that happen, and there is no reason why this incident has to be more significant than that.
I know someone who was involved in a similar incident (though with closer ages). By the time he was older he had pretty much forgotten that it ever happened, until decades later he got a tearful phone call from the perpetrator saying that it’s something he’s never forgot and he’s spent his whole life battling feelings of guilt and shame. So yeah, there is justice in the world.
Sunrazor, I too briefly thought the same thing until I looked at their ages. If it were a couple of twelve year olds I’d say it was something that got out of hand and might be best for everyone involved if it was resolved without the drama of the police. But an eight year old and a fourteen year old is a different thing entirely. This is a small child in her first years of elementary school and a young man of high school age. This is a young man who preys on people smaller than him, and the risk that he will continue to do so is too great. If it was something that got out of hand he needs a very clear understanding of why he needs to never do anything even vaguely like that again. And if it is part of a larger pattern, he needs whatever help, isolation or surveillance will keep him from doing something to another little kid who might not be so lucky.
I’m curious: what kind of punishement will these 14-year olds most likely be facing? The comments in this thread mention everything from: “their lives destroyed” to “jail” to “counseling”. Would they, for instance, go on record as “sexual offender”? Would that label stay with them the rest of their lives, and how would it affect their chances at obtaining education and jobs?
I see Sunrazors point, insofar as there are three kids involved here. One is eight, two are fourteen. While I’d hate to see the eight-year old traumatized, (and kudo’s to norinew for how she handled her daughter) I’d also hate to see the fourteen-year old’s lives destroyed.
If they weren’t born psychopaths, or incredibly dumb, there is a big likelyhood that these boys, too, are victims of at least bad parenting and probably more serious stuff as well.