I’m another one who didn’t know what to say, only because my first instinct was to reach through my computer and strangle those punks…but that’s not helpful.
I hope everything goes smoothly and well and that Mudgirl comes through the whole situation with no lasting trauma. She did so well coming to you right away! Atta girl!
I suppose you’re absolutely right. It’s a whole 'nother thing when you “know” the victim as you and SuperVenusFreak know mudgirl.
Again, though, I’m glad you didn’t sit around trying to think of the “exact right thing to say” instead of just jumping in and lending your support!! I’ll see you in September?
WhiteRabbit and BlueKangaroo, thank you, thank you, thank you, for your words of encouragement and support!!
{{{{norinew, Mudgirl and family}}}} It’s wonderful to know you have a trust, where your daughter can talk to you and know you are there for her, i come from an end where i didn’t have that.
I’ll send all by best mojo your way!
good on both of you! keeping your wits about you and keeping mudgirl on an even keel.
i do think you are very qualified to be the queen of the uk! you are very good in tight spots and able to do the right thing at the right time. i think you should look into it, the job does come with some nice flash and clothes.
keep things normal and low key at home. we are here for you when you need to get it out, and rail at the world.
Abso-freakin’-lutely!
(((norinew))). Jayjay just told me about this. You and mudgirl are in my thoughts. If you ever have need of the Gay Amish Hit Squad, you know where to find us!
That’s what I’ve heard is actually damaging, much moreso than the incident itself. The adult context is (sometimes, anyway) worse than the one a child is living in.
norinew, I’m so sorry. I hope that posting here is helping you. I agree that you’ve managed beautifully, and I don’t see how you could keep your 8-yr-old under wraps 24/7. Those families raising those delinquents need to be dealt with.
I was thinking that I hope mudgirl has the same empowerment in the interview process (CPS, police, whoever) that she knew she had while those nasty boys were coercing her. That is to say, make them let HER say “time out” when she’s had enough of their presence.
I hate to bring this up, but Ryan sounds like a thug. Did you get more information? Was Tyrone the instigator, or was Ryan? Cause I wouldn’t be surprised if one kid was the thug and the other got caught up in it. Who knows, maybe Tyrone was the instigator. The reason I ask is mud girl’s “a little of both” response.
And I gotta say that you rock. You’re doing all the right things. And I fess up things on the dope that I wouldn’t to neighbors and friends all the time. It’s a great place to take a weight off. Stay strong.
Rough go but you are doing great. Hang tough…
I think it’s really important to do this. I have a friend whose son went through the same thing, at knifepoint. It was extremely traumatzing for the boy. His father went berserk, grabbing kids who fit the description and dragging them home for his son to ID. Well, the cops finally found the kid and when it came down to it, my friend didn’t want his kid to testify in court. I truly feel that the kid felt that he’d been thrown under the bus. He grew up to be a very troubled adult. I don’t believe that this one incident caused his troubles, but I cannot help but think that this “abandonment” didn’t leave some sort of a negative mark on him. He has never been able to adapt to normal society and has a terribly strained relationship with his father today. The lesson he learned is that bad acts can go unpunished. I’ll always wonder if he might have turned out differently if he had seen some sort of justice with regard to this incident.
I absolutely agree. Mudgirl did exactly as she was advised to do: she took it to an adult, who listened; and the adult called the police. I can’t imagine how she (or any child) would come to grips with an adult ignoring her problem and trying to minimize it (as Sunrazor would seemingly advise — don’t get me started on that ill-considered post).
Naturally, for mudgirl’s sake, the two boys should be arrested and investigated. They should also be convicted and punished if (insert weaselly legal words here) the allegations should prove true. I have no reason to doubt mudgirl’s story, but despicable as the behavior is that they were accused of, they are innocent until proven guilty.
It’s hard to know what to hope for. I certainly hope that nobody else was hurt by the two of them, but secretly there would be something very satisfying to think that mudgirl was the brave little voice that got two serial abusers locked up where the other victims were too ashamed or frightened to speak for themselves. No, I’ll just hope that nobody else was hurt.
They’re considered innocent until proven guilty. Doesn’t mean they are innocent.
Wow, norinew. I’m shocked at the situation, yet amazed at how well you were able to handle it. As a father of a 9 yo girl, myself, I can’t even imagine the kind of restraint it would take to keep calm and follow through as smartly as you did.
Just wanted to throw out my best wishes to you, your daughter and your family. I hope you can get this resolved fast and at least find some justice.
That’s right, OpalCat. So I’m going to use language that considers them innocent.
That doesn’t mean that I because I describe them as innocent in a legal sense (i.e., not yet convicted) I don’t personally consider them innocent in a real sense (i.e., culpable, responsible, liable).
How’s the kid now? Is she afraid to go outside or afraid to run into these boys (assuming they are still out and about). I think that may be a tough hurdle for her (wondering if these boys will try to intimidate her). Can she avoid them?
I’m sorry for what you are going through. I know for a fact that if I were in your shoes I would be sitting in a jail cell right now.
(((((((((norinew)))))))))
(((((((((mudgirl))))))))))
I just saw the picture of **mudgirl **and all I could think of was, “She’s not much older than my daughter.” Then I started crying out of sheer rage and still can’t stop. I admire your self-restraint, norinew. When I think of anyone hurting my child like that, well, I can tell you there wouldn’t be enough of the perpetrator left to take into custody once I got my hands on them. :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: Sorry if this sounds like I’m jumping into the mob mentality, but for me it’s more of a case of automatically jumping into Mama Bear mode.
I was gone most of the day yesterday and left her with her father. He reports that she was clingier than normal. I don’t know whether that’s because she’s more accustomed to me being around, or a manifestation of the event. Maybe a combination of both. She’s kind of clingy this morning, too, and I’ve promised her some special “private time” later.
As for her avoiding the boys, she probably can steer clear of them. I will check tomorrow on what it would take to get a restraining order, and of course our house and yard are private property, so I certainly can keep them off of our property.
Monday thru Friday this summer, she’s in the day camp program at the park, and they wouldn’t be there. I’ve also warned her that if she’s playing at a friend’s house and one of the boys shows up to come home immediately and tell me.
As for those of you who say you’d be sitting in jail because you wouldn’t have been able to control yourself, well, I’ve felt that way, too. But it’s amazing how much self-control you can find if it’s in your kid’s best interest for you to show self-control. If I was sitting in jail, I wouldn’t be doing mudgirl any good at all.
Great Zeus. What a nightmare for a mom, AND for a daughter!
Warm thoughts and hugs and support from me to y’all.
norinew, I’m so sorry this happened to mudgirl, but I just wanted to say that I can’t imagine any better way of handling it than how you did.
While I sympathize with the “kill” instinct, a girl with as much good sense as mudgirl has (and I can’t even begin to give you the appropriate kudos on that!) is likely to deal with this very well, and *not * be especially traumatized. I know that others have mentioned it as well, but one of the hardest things about dealing with sexual assault can be the assumption of those around you that it’s such a huge, tragic, life-changing event that it must have left you somehow psychically damaged.
While obviously some people **do ** experience real and lasting trauma from a sexual assault, not *everyone * does. Honestly, people treating me like an emotional invalid, whispering their condolences and being careful what they said in my presence made me feel much more frustrated and helpless than the assault had.
IMO, the best thing you can do for mudgirl is to take your cues from her. Give her what she needs, but don’t go overboard.
I wish you and mudgirl and your family peace.