From Homer Bad Man, in which Homer is accused of sexual harassment:
The phony pope is Brockman alright.
“…and the elephant that couldn’t stop laughing, was put to death.”
“Top o’ the mornin’ to ye on this gray, drizzly afternoon. Kent O’ Brockman live on Main Street, where today, eveyone is a little bit Irish! Heh heh, everyone except, of course, for the gays and Italians.”
“I’m Kent Brockman, on the 11:00 news tonight: A certain type of soft drink has been found to be lethal. We won’t tell you which one until after sports and the weather with Sonny Storm.”
. . . a large, bear-like animal, most probably a bear . . .
Butler: Sir, your llama just bit Ted Kennedy.
Brockman: Good!
Ahh, they’re 1920’s style “Death Rays.”
“Or you can change to another channel. [Listens to earpiece] What’s that? Oh…don’t change to another channel.”
How can I prove we’re live? Penis!
“Springfield will have its first annual “Do What You Feel” Festival this
Saturday, whenever you feel like showing up! It’ll be a welcome change
from our annual, “Do As We Say” Festival started by German settlers in
1946.”
“Hi! I’m Kenny Brockelstein!”
Early career, 1960’s
My forum name and sig line!
" I guess you could say I’m Iraqi!"
Is it just me, or do all the spineless newsmen seem to get the cute weathergirls?
Brockman: Fire, Man’s Oldest Foe. Insatiable, remorseless, unquenchable.
Wiggum: Hey, it’s out! [cheers]
Brockman: [brightly] Coming up next: Which work better? Spring clothespins or the other kind?
“Of course, it would be wrong to suggest this sort of mayhem began with rock-and-roll. After all, there were riots at the premiere of Mozart’s The Magic Flute. So, what’s the answer…ban all music? In this reporter’s opinion, the answer, sadly, is yes.”
“Uh, my producer is asking me not to talk to you anymore…”
Kent Brockman: …and the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.
Kent Brockman: What started out as a traditional soccer riot has quickly escalated into a city-wide orgy of destruction. Reacting swiftly, Mayor Quimby declared “mob rule”, meaning for the next several years, it’s every family for themselves…
Kent Brockman: Springfield has come down with a fever: football fever. If you have the fever, there’s only one cure. Take 2 tickets, and see the game Sunday morning.
Public Service Announcer: Warning. Tickets should NOT be taken internally.
Homer: See? Because of me, now they have a warning.
Kent Brockman: Senator Dole, why should people vote for you?
Kang: It does not matter which way you vote. Either way your planet is doomed. Doomed. Doomed.
Kent Brockman: Well, a refreshing bit of candor from Senator Bob Dole.
Kent Brockman: Springfield has been overrun by a strange and almost certainly evil sect, calling themselves The Movementarians. In exchange for your home and all your belongings, the Leader of this way out… and wrong religion, the Leader claims he’ll take believeres to the planet, Blisstonia. Excuse my editorial laugh.
[laughs]
Kent Brockman: But…
[pauses]
Kent Brockman: Ladies and gentlemen, I just learned of a new change in management. Welcome, Movementarians. I love you, perfect Leader… and new CEO of KBBL Broadcasting.
[At the St. Patrick’s Day Parade]
Kent Brockman: All this drinking, violence, destruction of property… are these the things that we think of when we think of the Irish?
Kent Brockman: “What are you lookin’ at?” - the innocent words of a drunken child.
“I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.”
Announcer: It’s “Channel Six Action News.” [several explosions are shown]
Bart: Ah, Action News. The last place an impressionable kid can go for TV violence.
Announcer: And now, here’s your Action Anchor*[tm]*, Kent Brockman.
Kent: [jumping in, panting] Hello, I’m Kent Brockman! Our top stories tonight: a tremendous EXPLOSION… in the price of lumber, President Reagan DYES…his hair, plus Garry Trudeau and his new musical comedy revue. But first! Let’s check the death count from the killer storm bearing down on us like a shotgun full of snow.
Weatherman: Well, Kent, as of now the death count is zero. But it IS ready to shoot right up.
Kent: Oh my God. [shakes fist at heaven] Damn you snow!