The Reaction is Exothermic, but the Activation Energy is Too High

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Over the past year, I have become fairly good friends with certain girl (we talk at least daily, online or in person, and discuss issues shared only with the closest of our friends). We share many common interests (both being nerdy math/science types) and, more importantly though less quantifiable, a similar way of thinking. I am a college freshman and she is now a high school senior, virtually certain to be admitted to and attend the college I am now attending (for reasons quite unconnected with me.) I have not thus far made any romantic efforts, partly out of cowardice and partly so as not to bias her choice of colleges.

However, as title indicates, I want to eventually, and this is where y’all come in. Complicating factors are the following:

-Our interactions are entirely marked by a feigned dislike of each other; feigned at least on my part, with good reasons to believe that the opposite is also true (the most obvious one being that she continues to associate with someone she apparantly despises). We can speak quite amiably on any number of subjects, but whenever the opportunity presents itself, cue insults. This makes it rather like a prisoner’s paradox; to make a unilateral effort would be risky. Hence the chemistry analogy in the title - the activation energy may be too high.

-While we were both in high school, someone, noting our closeness, asked her if I was her boyfriend. This, I think, startled her greatly; she insisted that I not speak to her in front of that person for some time. Similarly, when we attended the same summer program, she told me not to associate with her too often, so as to avoid suspicions that romantically involved. Certainly I can see justification for these claims; yet they indicate that, if not less interested in me, she is in posession of more self-control. Alternatively, they could be read to indicate that she is not interested in anything beyond friendship right now. It should be noted that these were very isolated incidents; once they had passed we were as good friends as ever.

So, my question to you is: what is the best way to approach this problem? I look forward to your insight.

Thanks for hearing me out, and any input will be more than welcome. (Apologies for the verbose, analytical prose; I’m rather reminded of this

2

Use a catalyst?

Traditional ones for this kind of reactions are any hobbies you two have in common. And don’t use so much catalyst that the reactions becomes explosive, of course.

Mind you, given your ages, it’s entirely possible that the notion of having a “boyfriend” just sounds too serious to her.

3

This is not rocket science.

1: Ask her out on a date to someplace nice.

2: Be smooth and confident

3: Focus on her not the adolescent shtick you two have going
You might still get rejected, but at least you will know if she considers you datable. Given the described scenario, unless you’re feeling a real physical attraction vibe I don’t think your chances are all that great. Snarky aggression = flirting is a cute conceit, but IRL a girl will tend to be nice to you if she’s interested in you.

4

I second the above, but I suggest you bring her to a nice neutral place far away from where your friends normally hang out. Think of it as performing the experiment in a secure glove-box, or behind a shatter-proof hood: if it goes badly, you would be somewhat protected.

If it goes well, you aren’t out of the woods yet, as the reaction could easily spiral out of control (especially with that history of pathos between you). Even in a best-case scenario, you might need a supply of blister creme to get through the day afterwards, but what’s a little pain in the name of Science…? :smiley:

5

Try throwing a dodgeball at here during recess.

6

To put a different spin on it, I’d point this out: Statistically, the odds are very much against a high school romance working out (since college causes people to change radically), so you need to decide if you can be okay with the likely outcome that, even if you guys end up dating, the friendship will never again be the same after the almost-certain breakup.

If you can accept that, then man, just go ahead and ask her out during one of these “amiable” conversations (when you’re one on one, not in front of friends).
I know it seems scary, but 10 years from now you will hate yourself if you let the opportunity pass just because you were scared. It’s better to try and know than to keep quiet and wonder what might have happened if you had been braver.

Based on how she reacted to that person thinking you guys were dating, my guess is that she probably thinks of you as a friend honestly. However, teen girls don’t always act in the most rational ways (understatement of the year :wink: ) so I could be wrong.