My girlfriend is up for a promotion. If she gets it, it will really help her happiness, self esteem, and current financial problems.
But it will pretty much put a bullet in the head of our relationship. We only get to see each other outside of work (at work all we can really do is talk) once a week, and that’s only for Saturday afternoon. If she gets the job, her days off would change, and I’d hardly get to see her at work anyway. We’d get maybe 4 hours a week of us time. Not nearly as much time for the trips and things we were starting to plan.
If she doesn’t get it, I’m afraid she’ll be very depressed. She’s had some hard knocks recently in her life, and having to pay the lion’s share of the bills for her and her mother is frustrating. It would really depress her, and that would make me very sad as well.
I hope she gets it, and so she gets happiness, even though it will end us. Mostly. There’s a part of me that selfishly hopes she doesn’t, even though I’d never tell her that.
Maybe I’m overthinking this. Maybe she’ll be sad for a while and then bounce back. I hope so. But I’m so conflicted.
That’s rough…How long have you been seeing her? Perhaps it is ultimately a good thing anyway, as painful as it is now, since only ever having one set afternoon a week to be able to spend time with someone, to me at least, already stinks as it is.
The right thing often hurts. Sometimes the payoff comes much later.
You sound like a nice person and if the two of you have mutual trust and commitment you may be able to make it work.
If not, welcome to the introduction to learning that the risk to love eventually involves loss. What it’s about. You make a choice to safely stay uncommited and not hurt. Or you make the choice to care and possibly suffer. It gets easier as time goes on.
Conflicting schedules can be dealt with. If you only have so much time together, maximize what you have. Trips and such can wait. If she’s in that much financial trouble, this will take a huge load off her shoulders. This will make the time you do have together a lot less stressful. It can be worked out if you really want it to.
On the flip side, if you really don’t want her to get the promotion and will be constantly saying “poor me” instead of “good for her” after she gets it… then you both need to find someone else.
No no, see now she has Saturday and Sunday off, I have Friday and Saturday. I have a part-time job on Friday and so must keep that day for the time being. If she gets the promotion she’ll be working from 10-7 at night with Wednsday and Thursday off. We only get a little PTO time. With the current schedule we have all of Saturday and much of Sunday to do stuff, instead of, say, just trying to cram things into a Saturday afternoon or taking a Thursday off now and again.
I do want her to get it, I just am selfishly annoyed that wanting the right thing for her will screw up our schedule, and ashamed of that annoyance.
While doing the right thing may quickly kill off your relationship, it is much better than having it die a slow a extremely painful death of regret and recrimination. Would you rather separate as friends, or as enemies?
If it were me, I’d hope for her promotion and see where life goes. Who knows, if she’s making more now and becomes financially solvent then eventually maybe she can pay for more fun activities, meaning you can quit your Friday job.
I think y’all can continue the relationship in spite of your ‘together’ time being cut.
When I dated my now-husband, we both were single parents of pre-teens and often only saw each other for a couple hours’ time per week. We did that for about four years and have been happily married for the last six.
Don’t give up so easily. You can do it. After all, you are the Love Rhombus.
No, she’ll make more. But Saturday and sunday are busy nights, and being a senior supervisor means you gotta be there. We work in a casino, btw. I wasn’t trying to be all mysterious about it.
My previous SO lived 2500 miles away, in a different state and time zone. We hooked up online and dated for three years, during which we met in person only twice and relied on near-daily online chats to keep things going. Eventually, he moved in with me and we lived together for two years.
My current SO works at the same place I do, but a different shift. I live a mile from the office; he’s an hour away. Some days, when I’m getting up to go to work, he’s just settling into bed. To make it work, I sacrifice sleep and he drives more than he likes.
It might be hard, and your heart will ache, but relationships like this can work if, circumstances aside, you’re happy together.
Sorry that you’re facing this difficult change, though. Try to keep in mind all the good things she stands to gain from the promotion. And talk to her about this-- you may find she has a we-can-make-this-work attitude, which is comforting and can get you thinking the same way.
I still don’t understand. She’s working from 10 at night to 7 in the morning? I.e., the overnight shift? What hours are you working? Can you switch your schedule so that you work nights too? Even if you don’t have the same days off, can you still be getting off work at the same time?
After all, you are the Love Rhombus.