The Saga of Shawna and Jason Larry

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
#1

Shawna and Jason Larry was drankin’ and got to fussin’. Shawna took Baby Bubba, and high-tailed it down the road, to her cuz’s house. But cuz wadn’t to home, so she started headin’ off back home. Then here a comes Jason Larry in the car. Jason Larry starts to hollerin’ and carryin’ on and tries to run ‘er ass down. So Shawna heads on over to the church, where her other younguns’ is havin’ Bible School. Mr. Scruggs, who was a teachin’ the Bible School, lets her hide in the Church. Then here a come Jason Larry across the field. So a bunch of the men folk goes out to head ‘im off. Somebody called the Sherrif, and some deputies come out to the church. Well, Jason Larry wadn’t gonna sit still for that, so he runs off home, and barricades hisself in there. A negotiatin’ team come up there to try and get his ass out, but it took 'em 4 full hours. Then they hauled his ass to the pokey.

The End

You can read the newspaper’s version here

#2

Yore vurshun is more colorful. I speck it’s a big deal anyway, what with all the commotion and all.

#3

Well, sure glad that this couple had a passle of kids.

#4

This here house whut Jason Larry barricaded hisself in. Wuz it one of them mo-bile homes? Reckin he finally give hisself up cause he was outta beer and done started to sober up and realized whut big trouble he done got his ass into. Specially since he done threatened to kill him a preacher man an’ all. Reckin Shawna wuz dresst in short shorts and a halter top when she went a’ tearin’ up the road with Baby Bubba? Don’t yew jist wish you coulda seed all that carryin’ on? That Jason Larry sounds like a real catch. Shawna must be so proud to be married to sich a fine man.

hq I laks yore version much more better’n that there newspaper story. It used a lot of them high falutin’ werds. I’da got out muh dictionary to look up sum them werds but I got it holdin’ up the coffee table whur one of the legs done broke off.

#5

So, are these subjects of yours?

#6

Nah, they’re just rednecks not bonafide hillbillies.

#7

What? No country song?

When I looked at your link, I read it at first as Gallitin New Sex-aminer.

#8

It’ll be out next week. Jason Larry’s gotta make bail first and then get his gitar outta hock. Shawna’s done started contactin’ some of them there record folks over in Nashville about a contract. Maw’s gone come over and watch after the younguns while her and Jason Larry’s out recordin’.

#9

Wont someone pleeze think of them hound dawgs up under the porch?

#10

When Shawna and Jason Larry’s got them a hit song them dawgs’ll be eatin’ ham bones ever day!

#11

What I want to know is when the movie or TV series comes out, who’s gone be playing these fokes?

Based on the narrative and all, I see Larry The Cable Guy as a first choice and maybe Brett Butler, too. Cept they’re too old.

Who’s better?

#12

Britney and Kevin, it’s like the part was made for them…

#13

Oll yer ack-cents ree-mahnd me of home, sniff.

The Ashes family; proudly billying the hills for over two centuries. Which is a derned lawng tahm, y’heear.

#14

So did I. Hee. {My best southern accent} Well, land sex-a-miner.

#15

I was reading the Wedding Anouncements from the same newspaper link, and saw the worse name I’ve ever seen given to a child…

I wonder if she has a sister named Bitterness.

#16

She’g got two brothers: Greed and Sloth

#17

Or maybe twins: Mildred and Hatred