To the white trash, ass monkeys who kicked out my friends so they could move in upstairs from me: YOU SUCK! I hate you Mr. Ass Monkey building manager who’s never fixed anything around this dump but took the time to come by last Saturday, rip up the back bathroom floor and just left it like that for over a week now. I hate you, Pugsley, son of Ass Monkey, because all you did when you were here was whine about your dad making you help him and then, mysteriously, my son’s toy was gone from the kitchen table after you left. I hate you, Mrs. Ass Monkey, because you were stupid enough to take Mr. Ass Monkey back after he’d been arrested for “something domestic” (the court site isn’t more specific on the details, unfortunately), leave your apartment in your parent’s house and move back in with him. I hate your daughter, Wednesday, because she’s as much of a punk as Pugsley—when they lived here before she set the tree stump out in front of the house on fire (fortunately no serious damage resulted and it was put out quickly). I feel sorry for your ten year old daughter because she’s destined to turn into an ass monkey like the rest of you fucktards! And I hate your little dogs, too!
I just wanted to say that someone needs to join the board and use the screenname Pugsley, Son of Ass Monkey.
Tsk, tsk…sullying the Good Name of Addams with these unholy comparisons. I won’t have it. En garde!
They’re loud and they are trashy,
Their clothes are way too flashy,
They’re up there smoking hashi,
Ass-Monkey Family.
They set the yard on fire
lauramarlane’s life looks dire!
A gun she might aquire–
Ass-Monkey Family.
So get too-short skirt on,
Your wife-beater T-shirt on
We’re gonna put a hurt on
Ass-Mon-key Fam-ily.
Thanks, Eve, that made me laugh!
An update, though: the lady next door just told me she had to throw Pugsley out of her yard because he was talking about his penis in front of her seven year old and three year old. Oh, and he was grabbing the boobs of the teenage girl that lives upstairs from her. I told her she should inform the girl’s father–I hope she does. This boy really creeps me out! I’ve already warned my kids about him. I hate having to be on guard all the time!
Oh, and sorry about that, Dijon Warlock, but if you saw this kid you’d see what I mean. There’s just no other way to describe him.
Laura aren’t there landlord/tenant laws where you live? Is this a privately owned building? Or is it owned by a large management company and assmonkey is the employee/tenant/manager?
I’m sorry you’re going through this, good luck!
The landlord is in Texas. I’ve never spoken with him, don’t even know him–although I did a little research at town hall and on google and discovered his name, address, phone, etc. Thing is, he really doesn’t care about anything except getting his monthly rent. Ass Monkey has told him he wants to buy the building–who knows if this will ever happen because Ass Monkey is currently working the occasional temp job. Sure there are landlord/tenant laws and I could make a stink about the numerous things that aren’t working in this dump, but the rent is low and my SO and I are hoping to find a house soon. Unfortunately, I don’t know when that will happen but we don’t want to be tied down to a lease right now. So, I’m feeling very stuck in a nasty situation and I’m just hoping it’ll get better soon 
Aaaarrrrgggghhh! Today they trashed my flower bed to bring in their skanky furniture through the second floor window! Every day brings a new Hee Haw episode!
Sounds to me like Pugsley is a victim of sexual abuse, too. They often act out by being sexually provocative to other children.
Ughgh, Okay, they sound way worse than anyone in my neighborhood!! Would you be able to report pugsley’s actions to child protection services?
I strongly recommended that the woman who witnessed the event should have at least told the girl’s father. I don’t know if she will and I don’t feel there’s much I can do at this point since I didn’t see or hear any of this myself. But I will be keeping a careful eye on things and will definitely report anything that happens to the appropriate authorities. Given that Pugsley’s dad is on probation for the domestic thing and resisting arrest, I’m sure the police would respond quickly if I needed to call them.
Jeez, and here I was irritated because the girl who moved upstairs from us plods around a little too loudly on weekend mornings.
I might just have to give her a hug next time I see her.
Well, they plod, too, but in this case it’s five pairs of human (or what passes for it) feet and two pairs of dog feet. Today I discovered that they let their dogs crap in the side yard–right where my kids walk through to go visit their friends–and they don’t clean it up.
From one Rhode Islander to another, laur I had to chime in. I have great neighbors (except for the soon to be evicted Downstairs Bitch who parks in my spot that I pay $25/mo for) but I feel your pain. For such a small state we sure have a high percentage of… colorful… characters.
Thanks for letting me vent, everyone! It hasn’t been too awful so far, but school’s not out yet. I’m sure the kids will be left on their own while their parents are at work and that’ll be when the real fun begins. I’m more worried about my SO who is home all day working on his software while he tries to find a 9-5 job–it’s not going to be easy for him to work through that! Housing prices here are so outrageous now that even if I do get a RIHMFC loan, it probably won’t be enough to cover anything in a decent school district.
And now for the update:
This weekend they put a nice litte park bench on the porch–right in front of my bedroom window. Twice we’ve asked the little ass monkies to move on because they were sitting right outside our bedroom window and we’d like some privacy. Tonight we’re going to tell Mr. Ass Monkey that we’d really prefer they not park themselves right outside our bedroom–my SO is going to do this because he can be nice. I mean, if I’m in my bed and I sneeze one of them will bless me. Polite, I know, but if I want to have loud noisy sex I’m all inhibited about it now!
I already told my SO that if they don’t comply I’ll switch to playing my cds, or perhaps pop in a porn DVD on my computer–which is right next to the window–and just let it run for a few hours for their enjoyment.
Now that there is an occasional nice day, the Kallikacks out back have dragged their barbeque right under my windows, and spend the weekends (and weeknights . . .) scorchin’ a bunch of . . . well, it smells like old grease-covered socks. I swear, I’ve come home to find my smoke alarm ringing away, and the cats with damp hankies over their faces.
That’s awful! Are they even aware that it blows right into your apartment?
The Ass Monkeys have never set off my smoke alarm–of course, if that tree stump had really taken off, things would be very different right now!
The porn DVD may not have the desired effect Laura - you’ll probably end up with the whole Ass Monkey family sat outside your window with beer and pretzels…
(Oh, and I too feel your pain. I don’t share an alley with the peasants who’ve moved next door to me, but they do insist on picking up their noxious dogs’s shit in plastic bags and then throwing it on top of their garage roof. Sure, it’s their garage and they can store bagged canine faeces on it if they desire - Englishman’s home is his castle and all that - but it’s next to my garden dammit…
…and they’ve called their aforementioned dogs Posh and Beckham - hell, the property prices are falling already.
…and they have Christmas lights like the Griswold’s in National Lampoons. Except more common, more lowbrow and more vulgar.
…and they have managed to individually destroy every fence panel in our back garden by either (1) piling a huge mountain of rotting armchairs, abandoned carpet and scrap wood again it (2) building a flower bed against it till the damp rots through it…then piling rocks against it (3) hanging something that weights slightly more than the collective weight of his grossly overweight family against the weakest fencepost.
…the only time Posh and Beckham stop howling is when the peasants come home to shout at them and beat their children. I think the dogs are hoping the RSPCA will come to take them away. Their cat already tries to come and live at our house at every opportunity - my SO wants to kidnap it if we move house.
…and they have a fruit machine in their porch.
…they feel the need to use their pressure washer on everything (no doubt including children and dogs). This doesn’t bother me until they use it on my brick drive, and blow the sand out of all the joints.
…clearly feeling the pressure of storage space on top of their garage they have taken to getting their dogs to shit on my front garden when we’re out (my SO has quite a lot of time off work - and has caught them in the act when they think we’re out)
…the aforementioned pile of rotting armchairs, scrap wood, abandoned carpets at the back of their garage has started to attract fly tipping, further enhancing the local environment.
…god alone knows how much they smoke (judging by the number of fag packets thrown on my front lawn alone it’s quite a lot), but it is sufficent to seep through the shared wall and pollute my house.
…they have let their roof deteriorate to the extent that it seems to have become a local bird sanctuary, which has it’s charm if you like Sparrows and Starlings, but not when you want a lie in and a million birds are chirping just the other side of the wall.
…they have acquaintences who are worse than them, including the charming woman who spends her time parked across my drive, who leaves soiled nappies in the street and empties her ashtrays in the gardens of my other neighbours.
…they do apparantly carry out some form of DIY on the inside of their house. I know. I hear them doing it at two in the morning. Presumably they can’t do it any earlier as they are busy yelling at each other at the top of their voices.
…my parrot has picked up awful language from them as well. Luckily their diction is far, far worse than eve the parrot, so it’s quite hard to decipher.
Erm…sorry to hijack your thread Laura. I just needed to vent.