The SDMB Soap Opera

Well, unfortunately Boo Boo and little_tiger’s soap opera has died out. So I figure we might as well start a new one. Murder, backstabbing, infidelity and hidden parentage will be the norm in this thread.

I myself am the local psychiatrist. My evil twin is locked up at Brentwood Asylum. But more importantly, I’m currently being blackmailed by…

. . . Eve, who has sent Ukulele Ike out on a secret mission to uncover the truth behind Trion’s commiting the supposedly “evil” twin in Brentwood.

But Eve herself is very nervous, as . . .

Trion, you don’t have to look far hon. The clients will be lined up at your door in no time. For a cut of 60/40 (60 for me of course) I’d be glad to assist.

…Swiddles, friendly girl-next-door by day, evil club-hopping maniac by night has the truth about Eve’s secret…

. . . That she is not really the heiress to the throne of West Virginia as she has led Ukulele Ike to believe. To prevent her secret from slipping out, she has carefully arranged for Tymp to . . .

…call in a band of ex-military survivalists to off Swiddle, thereby keeping the secret hidden. But, Mullinator, the wacky neighbor from next door has stumbled onto the plot, so he…

… starts a torrid affair with Swiddles in an effort to thwart the killers. But one morning, he receives a blackmail letter from ignatius who has found a box containing a can of reddy-wip, a small bag of dog chow, and a pair of handcuffs sitting on Mully’s back porch. Intrigued by the possibility of finally…

…holding a sword over Muly’s head he quickly forward photos of the back porch swag to Falcon who posts them on her web page. Seeing this outrageous detritus, aenea

…tells Sealemon88 about it, hoping to get his help. But what she doesn’t know is that she is actually talking to Sealemon’s other personality; the evil, unscrupulous personality known as…

. . . finding someone who shares his interests, BratMan007 (the ex-military survilvalist sent to off Swiddles) decides he may want to get to know Swiddles a little better rather than just kill her and begins a plot to . . .

sorry, this was inresponse to ignatiusjreilly’s post, but it took forever to load.

… as BratMan007 plots to take Swiddles to the just-outside-of-town, romantic, little B & B owned by JavaMaven1, little does he know I keep tabs of all the dirty little extra-curricular activities that happen under my roof. Who else paid off ignatius to leave that little love-gift for Mullinator? But, JavaMaven1 is nervous, because someone in town knows about what is in the basement of that B & B…

…the body of **caseywyn , Barista to the rest of you, who denied ** Javamaven ** her daily dose of double expresso straight-up one faithful morning. ** Javamaven, driven mad by her dropping caffeine levels, took the life of the innocent barista and now lives in shame. But her secret is soon to be discovered by…

Persephone, the eccentric living on the edge of town. She harbors a desperate love for Sealemon88, and she’s willing to do anything to get him in to her little love nest. She picks up the phone to call him & tell him about the secrets in the basement of the B&B, when all of a sudden, in walks…

…Pepperlandgirl who has been stalking her for the past three years, convinced that Javamaven was responsible for her husband’s death in the…

…Robbery at Labyrinth Incorperated, where he worked as a researcher for the sinister Arkon, who, unknown to all plans…

…was in a torrid love triangle with JavaMaven and caseywyn, while he was developing a new strain of high-caffinated coffee beans. Little did he know that this new strain causes…

Intense intestinal cramping. This new blend of coffee, while purging the GI systems of millions worldwide also…

…caused birth defects resulting in…

Doctor Jackson. Though cruelly deformed by the java beans, Doc Jackson serves his community well, accepting as payment for services rendered such items as chickens and…