Ladies, please! Control yourselves! Much as I enjoy watching women fight over me, I’ve gotta insist you cease with these shenanigans and tomfoolery. There’s enough of me to go around. For Darwin’s sake, try to refrain from acting like a pack of wild dingoes! I realize the almost hypnotic power of my sex appeal, but let’s be fair. There are plenty of other dopers who’d probably like a shot at this whole virtual marriage thing, too. Come on! Take pity on some of these poor schlubs who are no doubt feeling very unwanted right now, such as iampunha. Throw the poor guy a bone, for Chrissakes! I regret having to do this, but I may just have to take myself out of the running until some of the others get a shot. No, no, it’s OK. It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make for the good of the community. Don’t cry for me, Marge and Tina. I will survive.
Well, I’d like to put myself up on the marriage auction block… Now everyone, don’t rush!
(Sound of crickets chirping)
Uh, actually, you can rush… if… if you want?
(More crickets Chirping)
(Sits down, head in hands.)
Gotta stop putting myself up for a let down…
I would be honored to marry you 
Robin
Totoro, sweetie, will you marry me?
Heh, I KNEW the sympathy ploy would work… er, I mean…
I’d Be Honored!
(Jumps up into the air, fist raised. Freeze frame, and fade to black…)
Wait, it’s not a movie! Cool!
Odie cleans up the spilled drinks and glasses off the bar, and picks up the rice on the floor
Sorry, pun, but I’ll have to decline.
wanders back over to bar and gets drunk
If I were a yenta, duh duh duh duh duh…
::looks away from Welfy::
Falcon, meet Odieman. Odieman, meet Falcon.
::smiles::
::looks back at Welfy::
i think spoofe is cute and funny, he reminds me of someone i used to know so…
I would like to ask SPOOFE Bo Diddley if he would be my SDMB virtual husband.
Tiggeril, please forgive me . . . it’s been a long week and I forgot to ask my favorite U of C-ian to marry me.
Marry me?
Keith pours Falcon a drink and toasts to “old friends like us” He hugs her and she leaves the bar. Keith goes back and cleans up the bar some more.
I should have noticed this thread sooner, now I have to wait a few days for my intended virtual bride to get back from her trip. Ah well, such is life.
Odie - game of double solitaire? I’ve been sitting here since the top of the page and you wandered on by.
Or we can go birdwatching.
::shuffles cards::
::deals::
Sorry I didn’t see you there. I’d love to go birdwatching with you if you answer two questions:1) How the heck do you get in a position to be bit by a screech owl? and 2) You don’t get followed and attacked by bands of maurauding birds (ala Tippi Hedron) do you?
:Odie puts the cards away and takes you by the hand:
- I was weighing the owls in the rehab facility (any screech-owls under 110 grams stayed in that facility, anything over 110 got moved to the next rehab stage area. One of the little guys decided to clamp down on the skin between my left thumb and forefinger [I was not using gloves (these guys were small and already panicked - gloves tend to make them even more skittish, so we were told not to use them)]. Anyway, it bit and held on. And on. And on.
I can swear in many languages, including six I made up on the spot.
Anyway, it finally let go. The scar is pretty faded (didn’t do much damage, only the pain).
He was big enough to go to the next stage anyway. At least he still had a fear of humans.
Now the osprey adventure, that’s another story…
- No, I am not followed by birds, but I have had a couple of them get sick in the car on the way to the rehab center (I now have one car for good and one for animal transport – and a couple bottles of Febreeze for good measure).
Let me get my field guides and binoculars - we have burrowing owls and caracara down here. 
I don’t mind another wife if you don’t. Of course, if you don’t want to get married, a quick honeymoon would be fine with me too. 
I would marry you in a heartbeat. Was that a proposal?
Maybe not the most romantic proposal ever, but yes it was.
I haven’t changed my sig in a few hours, so Silly Rabbit shall we wed?
Let’s tie the knot, dollface…
Hurry up… I need a honeymoon…
and drops to one knee beside the bar ::
O Fair and gracious Lady Owl I thank Sweet Providence that you have not yet given your troth to another! Long has my heart swoon’d from gazing upon your luminous winged form ghosting by night across this Dope-ish landscape. Fain, would you annoint this humble knight with the blessing of your hand in sweet matrimony?
:: Opens his eyes to find the maiden gone. Spies her, arm-in-arm with Odieman gleefully springing out the door ::
:: Turns to Miss B. ::
Sweet Lady Haven, truly I heard your plaintive call for a Knight in Shining Armor and forthwith I have come. Though I have not made your acquaintance before, might I offer my chivalrous services? My life and honor are at your disposal.
:: Again opens his eyes to find the fair one vanished. Looks around only to spy that Crunchy Frog has bogarted the object of his attentions. ::
Dammit, I’m gonna just HAVE to start trimming back on my loquacious platitudes. Or else learn to type faster…
:: Shucks off the armor and climbs, clad only in his red union suit, onto a barstool. ::
Bartender, one grande White Russian, por favor.
:: Realizes that the bartender has left with Miss Owl. Sighs and pours his own drink. A double. ::
(Groggily) Yo! Lady Mishtress Glory Pherpezonee! Yer humble footstool is here on thish barsoldier! ‘low me to hic offver my shervizes. I’mm notta yooo-nuck but I hic play one on the boards, ‘parently. Jus’ point me to whare you keep yer harem and I’ll kepp a good ol’ eye on 'em. Yew-betcha…
:: Falls off stool. Lands on armor. ::
Ow. Thad’ll prolly hurt in the mornin’…