The secret to getting laid

Method: Dancing spontaneously in the kitchen with your fiancee.
Her response: :slight_smile:
Your response: :rolleyes:

Method: Telling your fiancee that you told her (female) friend that you dance spontaneously with her in the kitchen.
Her response: ;):o:o:o:o
Your response: :D:cool:

I don’t get it. I just told my wife that I spontaneously danced with your fiancee’s female friend in the kitchen. Her response wasn’t what I was expecting.

Methinks a liquor cabinet somewhere is several ounces (liters? quarts?) lighter.

**The secret to getting laid **

It has something to do with two claw-foot bath tubs sitting side by side on the lawn.

Okay, so I just told my wife that I was going to pull the tubs out of the bathrooms so we could bathe in the contents of our liquor cabinet while on the phone with Chessic’s fiancee’s female friend’s plumber (we don’t have claw-foot tubs so we’ll need instructions on how to put these acrylic shells back in when we’re through).

She’s not happy.

Could it be because it’s still really cold outside and the lawn is covered in snow? No wonder this is a secret!

The key part of this secret:


Well done! Now for confession time: did you really tell your fiancee’s friend that? Or were you just saying that to get a quick/easy lay? BE HONEST. :D:cool::o

Rolling your eyes at your fiancee when you dance with her spontaneously makes her want to have sex with you? Is that like an advanced neg?

The secret to getting laid: Be someone someone else wants to have sex with.

Method: don’t be me.

If you are then you may as well cut your genitals off because you’re never gonna be using them.

The secret to getting laid: [del]wealth[/del] confidence. At least, that’s what the Internet tells me.

Since apparently I was too cryptic in the OP, let me state it plainly.

Dancing spontaneously with your fiancee makes her smile. You get a “aren’t you cute” and that’s it. Thus the rolleyes.

But if you say “I told your friends that we dance spontaneously,” then you get the “come 'ere” wink and blowjob smilies commence, leading to a wide grin for being so cool.

Definitely did.

Hot, rich guy secure with himself: Confident.
Ugly, broke guy secure with himself: Arrogant.

It’s like women see a 6’2", muscular, rich-looking guy walk down the street and they go “Oooh, would you look at the confidence in that guy!”

I used to know the secret to getting laid. I’ve forgotten it. I’m happy to be a born again virgin.

The secret to getting laid is low standards.

Yeah. Why does one need a “secret to getting laid” if they have a significant other? Putting out is part of their job description.

According to 99% of women’s profiles on any dating site on the internet you gotta make them laugh.

If you can’t make them laugh then: NO SEX FOR YOU.

Since I’m not very funny, not very good looking, and not very rich I hit the trifecta in the not getting laid department.

You been watching too many Cyalis commercials

Back in the remote past when “getting laid” was a singular goal, the strategies that worked best for me were:

a) trolling sci-fi conventions for differently-adjusted girls who had no idea they were supposed to be completely unattainable and would hop into bed with you if were able to demonstrate a sufficiently obscure sense of humour, even if you were 5’4" and had feet like a hobbit. (Perhaps even because you were 5’4" and had feet like a hobbit.)

b) throwing psychedelic projections for head bands and at warehouse parties and having a ready supply of recreational pharmaceuticals.

These days, what seems to work is observing that (incredibly!) we may just have a narrow window of opportunity in which to manage the deed. My, how times change.

Fiancee: just about anything.

Post-fiancee: begging.