These just keep floating into my consciousness…
Homer: “Marge, do you have other men in this house? Radioactive men?”
and
Mayor Quimby (in reference to incriminating photos: “You can’t scare me! That could be anyone’s ass!”
From last night’s episode:
Burns: “Smithers, remove my belt!”
Smithers: “With pleasure, sir!”
Damn, I love this show…
The curator of the Springfield Historical Society: “You are banned from this Historical Society! You, and your children, and your children’s children! For three months!”
Todd Flanders, praying before bedtime " . . . and thank you for sending Lisa to save us from the moth you sent us."
Grandpa: “Time for bed, Bart.”
Todd: “I’m not Bart, I’m Todd Flanders.”
Grandpa: “Don’t backtalk me! Lisa, get me a switch!”
Rodd: “Yes, sir!”
My favorites are often the signs which appear in front of buildings:
“Springfield Historical Society–Where The Dead Come Alive (Metaphorically Speaking)”
“Painless Dentistry (Formerly Painful Dentistry)”
“Fallout Boy Auditions Here (Well, Not Here, Inside)”
“God Welcomes His Victims”
When there’s a radioactive leak, Mr. Burns jumps into the escape pod. Mr. Smithers tries to get in with him, saying “But there’s two seats”. Mr. Burns replies “I like to put my feet up”.
When Homer’s making moonshine, Marge asks him what he’s doing. He says “Marge, I’m not going to lie to you.” Then he walks away.
In one of the Halloween episodes (best place to look for hilarity) the school is slowly killing of students and feeding them to the remaining students. The first to go is Gunther (I think). The students know he’s gone, but don’t know what happened to him. Principal Skinner say something like “Don’t worry, he’s still with us in spirit. You might say there’s a little bit of Gunther in all of us. In fact, you might even say that you’re eating Gunther right… umm, I think I’ve said too much.”
After the Brad Goodman lecture, Lisa cries out “But he’s just peddling easy answers!” and someone says “and how!”
-Ryan
" ‘Ideas on Earth were badges of friendship or enmity. Their content did not matter.’ " -Kurt Vonnegut, * Breakfast of Champions *
How about after the Brad Goodman lecture, when the audience is chanting “Be Like the Boy! Be Like the Boy!” and Granpa and Jasper yell “We Like Roy! We Like Roy!”
“Owls will deafen us with their incessant hooting!” W. Smithers
The German student’s name is “Uter.”
And one of my favorites is also a Halloween episode, specifically, the story in which Homer keeps going back in time due to a malfunctioning toaster.
Chaim Mattis Keller
Chief Wiggum:
“Mmmm, engine-blackened eggs. If we can keep these down, we’ll be sittin’ pretty.”
I want to install some of these sound into my OS compand sounds, but can’t figure out how. anyone point me in the right direction on Windows 98?
The Simpsons has so many hilarious quotes and characters that it could never possibly equalled. I want to start a religion based on the Simpsons.
Mr. Van Houten: “Milhouse, give him back his soul, I’ve got work tomorrow.” [when Bart tries to get back the soul he sold to Milhouse]
Homer, seeing Mr. Van Houten’s album: “Can I borrow a feeling? Hahahaha”
Mr. Van Houten: “Go ahead, laugh.”
Homer: “But I already did.”
Homer, after Marge leaves him over his gun:
“You know how to cook?”
Milhouse, excitedly: “Do I?”
The previously mentioned time-toaster segment episode was not only funny, it was the only time I’ve seen the consequences of time travel accurately portrayed… no sci-fi I’ve ever seen has.
Best episode, besides Hallowe’en and Pulp Fiction: the spin-off showcase or spin-off extravaganza (I forget), featuring Chief Wiggum’s arch-enemy saying, “Down in the bayou, we have a little something called… BLUH!” [throws Ralph at chief, jumps off riverboat and swims away]
Homer: $10,000 for the elephant? We’re gonna be millionairs!
All of the Itchy & Scratchy titles. Sundae Bloody Sundae & The Last Traction Hero come to mind.
South Park isn’t even in the same league.
Too many funny scenes to count! One of my favorites would probably be in the Halloween episode where Homer is trying to get a last minute B-day presant for Bart, and he goes to this occult shop. I just love the conversation between Homer and the shop owner (I can’t remember word for word)-
Homer: I’ll take…that one.
(Homer picks out a talking Krusty doll)
Shopguy: This doll has been cursed
Homer:Ooh, that’s bad.
Shopguy: But it comes with a free frogurt!
Homer: That’s good!
Shopguy: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: Ooh, that’s bad.
Shopguy: But it comes with your choice of topping!
Homer: That’s good!
Shopguy: The topping contains potassium benzoate.
(Blank look on Homer’s face)
Shopguy: That’s bad.
Homer: Can I go now???
Love that scene. I also love all the Troy McLure videos…I could go on forever.
I forgot to add the ending to the ‘soul donut’ episode-Flanders/Devil:“Let the accursed donut be forever upon your head.”
Cut to Homer with a donut for a head and picking at it and eating it.
Marge: “Homer! Stop picking and eating your head.”
Homer: “But I’m so tasty.”
Cut to the cops with coffee waiting outside the Simpson house.
Wiggum: “Don’t worry, boys. He’s got to come outta there sometime.”
Oh, how about when Chief Wiggum arrested Ned Flanders and snarled, “Nyah, where’s your savior NOW, Flanders?” A wonderful in-joke about Edward G. Robinson’s similar line in a biblical film! The Simpson’s gets away with some hilarious anti-religious stuff that amazes me sometimes.
Oh man, what a classic last night–the episode in which Sideshow Bob takes a job with brother Cecil. When Bob “reminds” him of his “problem with trying to kill people”:
Cecil: “Oh, I had no idea! For you see, I have been on Mars for the last ten years. In a cave. With my eyes shut and my fingers in my ears.”
Bob: “Touche.”
Also, when Bob finds Lisa and Bart rummaging through his dumpster, then shows up at the family’s doorstep:
Bob: “Madam, your children are no more . . .than a pair of ill-bred pests!”
Homer: “Even Lisa?”
Bob: “Oh, especially Lisa. But especially Bart!”
Since we’re on a Wiggum kick, how about when Bart got tired of the superdog, Laddie, and gave him to Wiggum.
Wiggum: For real? Gee thanks Mister, I’ll play with him every day, and feed him and everything.
Also: That’s some nice flutin’, boy.
“Owls will deafen us with their incessant hooting!” W. Smithers
Another bit of the episode with Sideshow Bob and his brother Cecil.
At one point, Bart jumps on Cecil’s back and yells, “Guess who?”
And what does Cecil answer?
“Maris?”
I prefer rogues to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest.
Alexandre Dumas the Younger (1824-1895)
I think the funniest Simpsons joke is from the episode when Krusty fakes his death. Remember when Lisa asks “Have you seen this man?” and blows up a balloon of Krusty and the pirate answers “Arrr! That’s handsome Pete! He dances for nickles”? And then the midget version of Krusty comes out, doing a jig. I love that! Especially when Lisa gives him a nickle at the end. . .
Actually, Miss Tangerine, Lisa gives him a quarter, which prompts Captain McAllister to say:
“Arrr, not a quarter! He’ll be dancin’ for hours!”
DAM. and I thought i had no life.
thanks you all have just raised my self-esteam. who needs shrinks when you have this
J/K i can’t get enough of the simpsions