The stealth brag thread

No idea how this will go over, but like most bad ideas, it seems good at the present. Come up with the best stealth brag you can think of - real or completely made up. I’ll start with:

I’m at the end of my rope with the current health care system. I’m a mid-50’s male with good insurance but can’t get my doctor to write a prescription for Viagra. I have explained to him in embarrassing detail my chagrin at the regularity with which one of the BaDaboom triplets has to be chosen sit out, but he still says that getting it up 3 times a night, every night is not considered “medically necessary”.

So which one is worth a second go-around?

We have enough medically induced sex freaks out there so “so sad, too bad” for you! :p:p

When are we going to hear that teenage boys have come into possession of that pill and dies a horrid “hard on” death??? :p:dubious::smack:

Seriously though, isnt Viagra being abused enough-How many men really need it? What happened to it being needed medically and not by want of a hard one for, what…4 hours?

What woman is going 4 hours with you or are we all so charismatic that we bounce from one woman one minute and another one 5 minutes later??? And more yet for 4 hours until a small population of your neighborhood women have had or more likely NOT had orgasms? :eek::eek:

In the spirit of the thread title:

I am so tired of having nothing to do at work. The projects they assign me are so easy, I finish them in no time, and the boss doesn’t seem to be able to keep up with my productivity!!

(At my last job, this wasn’t so much a stealth brag as an indictment of a lousy boss. I would tell him in the morning that I needed something to do and if I was lucky, he’d get back to me after lunch. I had days there where I was occupied maybe 3 out of 9 hours. I had to quit - I couldn’t stand the idleness.)

:confused: triplets x once each = 3 times. I think. Not something I’ve ever tried IRL! :stuck_out_tongue:

The brag is twofold - guy aged mid 50’s can 1) still have sex at least twice every night, and; 2) still has the opportunity to do more every night. Stealth part = needs Viagra to ensure ability to perform more than twice every night).

You said one of the triplets had to sit it out yet you were going 3 times a night. You did one of them twice. :smiley:

No, no. He needed the Viagra so that he could always satisfy all 3 of them every night. Get it?

Sadly, no. No I don’t.

Well, at least your sisters do. :wink:

Apparently, that was the stealthiest brag ever - a veritable B-2 of braggadocio. Or, as she said, “I didn’t even know it was coming 'til it was already gone!”.

Back to the spirit of the title.

I"m literally trapped in bed right now. I have a cat curled up against each side of my hips and another sprawled across my feet. I was fortunate to be able to reach my laptop to lament my sad state of affairs.

Back to the OP.

“When can I get to that? Well, now that I’m retired how about right this minute?

Last weekend I had to buy ice. Because the icemaker is broken. In the downstairs fridge. On my boat. :cool:

Oh my. You only have two decks?

I’m sorry dear, I was speaking of our lifeboat. Not the main craft of course.

I’m never sure whether to take the Maserati or the Bugatti to the grocery store each week. The dove tongues and truffles fit into both trunks, but the chauffeur says there’s no room for the case of Moet in the Mazz. What to do? I suppose I could just have the champers flown into the air strip directly from France. . .

This is the second year in a row that Stevie Wonder had to cancel on my annual Christmas party. Of course he feels bad about it and has us over to his place for a quiet New Year’s, but still.

When oh when are they going to get 100 pound weight plates at the gym? The squat bar only holds six on a side.

And don’t even get me started about constantly being interrupted by women who ask me out to lunch to get advice about sex.

Regards,
Shodan

I should know better than to sit around for thirty minutes right after a marathon. Stiffened up just like a board. Note to self: Do some light jogging while waiting for everyone else to finish.

I feel like I’m being whooshed, but on the chance you’re serious:
OP: “Doctor, I would like some Viagra, as I have three sexual partners but am only able to obtain an erection twice a night. I feel bad having to ask one of them to sit out, and would like to be able to get a third erection so I can satisfy all three every night, instead of only two per night.”
Dr: “Sorry, OP, I cannot justify giving you Viagra, as your ability to obtain two erections per evening is indicative that you do not have medical need for this product. I realize that you would like to have a third erection each night, but that is not considered medically necessary so does not qualify you to receive this medication.”