You’re a swinger? Cool! I’ll risk the smallpox. I don’t usually last longer than 1.8 seconds anyway… 
Right about here, had I been with you that night, I would’ve continued with:
Me: Oh, you’re military? Same here. I don’t believe you are. Let’s see some proof. What’s your rank? Mine’s PO1; that’s Staff Sergeant for you Army boys. Got that ID card the military REQUIRES you to have with you at all times to prove it (at this time I would be reaching for my ID card)? Nope? How about: what unit are you assigned to? The FOIA says that’s not restricted information. I’m really interested in what your First Sergeant has to say about you."
Maybe, I’d also add: “Isn’t it against some law to pretend you’re in the military when you aren’t? Didn’t I just see a cop a minute ago? Damn. Where’d that special forces guy go?”
Well, I am Special Forces, too.
And I’m an astronaut. And I own this bar, baby.
Right now, I’m undercover, me and Norm Schwarzkopf. (All his close friends call him Norm, ya know; we got purty close after I jumped on that grenade to save his life over there in the desert. Well, of course you never heard about it, dumb-ass! It was really hush-hush.)
Anyway, if you let me do ya, you can bask in the reflected glory of having done it with a really bad dude like myself.
The problem with these sort of freaks is I never know if I should agree with everything they say and run the risk that they’ll keep talking to me, or if I should disagree with them and run the risk of them storing my severed head in a mason jar.
Of course, when you’re related to the freak in question. A few months ago, I spent the weekend with my cousin who lives up north. His half-brother lives with him, and during the weekend I was there, he finally had his long over-due mental breakdown. Wheee! Lots of conversations like this:
Him: So, you think the CIA blew up the World Trade Center?
Me: Umm, I don’t know.* Why do you think that?
Him: Well, after what they did to Kennedy, I wouldn’t put anything past them.
I lacked the intestinal fortitude to ask, “Which Kennedy?”
Boy, was that ever an awkward vacation.
[sub]*Actually, I know damn well the CIA didn’t blow up the WTC. See previous “mason jar” reference.[/sub]
Hmmm…ooookkkayyyy…
I probably would have told him at that point that I had to go-the martians were signaling me from the microchip implanted in my brain.
It’s been my experience that any doofus who starts blabbing about how he was/is in the Special Forces/Green Berets/Rangers/Delta Force etc. etc. is so full of shit as to impair whatever feeble brain activity said person was capable of in the first place. The few ex-Rangers (and I’m pretty sure this is the case with the rest of the Special Forces) were pretty cagey about their jobs in the military.
Just one of Wabbit’s Law’s y’all can live by! 
And really, for a Black Ops (no pun intended), Underground-Green-Beret-Welcome-To-The-Rock sort of life he was insinuating…
he had quite a beer belly.
I knew he was lying about a lot of stuff, I just wanted to see how far he was willing to go.
Calling Urlacher a pot smoker broke the camel’s back.
jar
Probably lying about 10 inches too. Hey come to think of it he probably has a micro and that would explain alot.
Jar,
Did the scum in question provide a name from the Special Forces Wannabe’s Wall of Shame (http://home.att.net/~Lzzzbolt/Wall.htm)?
Did the scum in question exhibit any of the keys to identification as a wannabe?
Note: Bravo Sierra means BS, as in Bull Shit!
Sorry to harp on this, but it really gets my goat when jackasses go around saying they are/were in the Armed Forces when they weren’t. (BTW, if anyone doubts my military service, I am more than happy to send proof of same via the site administrators here.) One jerk in my Personnelman Class “A” school class thought it would be cute to say he was a Sergeant when he was in the National Guard. Problem was he was a Private and he made the assertion in an offical inquiry initiated thanks to yours truly. You see, the jerk was only 19 years old and this was in 1986. Yep; jerk got kicked out of the Navy.
I think Charlie Broz put it best:
What gets my goat is that the wannabes disgrace themselves and dishonour those who really served.
More on the jerk in my A school class: He was enlisted Navy, Active Duty, at the time he made the bogus claims as to prior service and prior rank, not to mention wearing awards ribbons not earned. Bad scene all around.
[[This is the story of Jarbabyj, the white girl who couldn’t win.]]
I can’t believe any of us are taken any of this so seriously. It’s really the story of Jarbabyj, the girl who talks to strange drunk men in bars.
FWIW, those who brag about their “black ops” experience are so full of BS they leak going into a turn. I’ve had the privilege to know several people who are most assuredly not wannabees, and they are nothing like the guy jarbaby described.
<Tommy Flanagan>
In fact I was just discussing this the other night with my wife, Morgan Fairchild [sub]who I’ve seen naked[/sub] and she said, ah, she said, uh. . .she said that she loves it when I don’t talk about my experiences in Grena. . .Somali. . . Leba. . .the Falkland Islands [sub]yeah, that’s the ticket[/sub], the Falklands. She told me she likes the str. . sil. . .manly type. Yeah, that’s it, the manly type. 
</Tommy Flanagan>
Zap!
If I was talking to that guy, Jarbaby, I’m afraid I would’ve shot him. Not that I’d want to normally, but shit like that pisses me off.
hey JillGat, did I ask anyone to take it seriously? At all? I was just posting a story because I thought it was funny.
And I do talk to people in bars, I find people interesting. I didn’t know it was abhorrent.
jar
Posted by Miller
Truly this is a dilemma - I am usually tempted to ignore freaks, but some of them will escalate things to MAKE you pay attention. Once they’ve got your attention, you don’t know whether to nod and smile or roll your eyes in horror.
This is where the expression “Huh.” comes in handy. Not “huh?” with a question mark. “Huh.” with a period. Almost a “Heh.” This tells the freak that you have heard him/her, so he/she need not escalate freakiness to obtain your attention, but it indicates nothing about how you feel about the freakiness.
“Miss, you are going to hell!”
“Huh.”
“Miss, can you tell me the way to the next whiskey bar?”
“Huh.”
“Miss, the cockroaches are coming for me! And coming for you! The cockroaches and the maggots.”
“Huh.”
“I’m Special Forces, you know.”
“Huh.”
“Want to see my 10-inch cock?”
“Huh.”
“Miss, you may wonder why I am wearing this tinfoil hat.”
“Huh.”
“Your tits look like great big melons.”
“Your dick would fit on a teaspoon.”
Okay, I tricked you with the last one. But you see the usefulness of “huh.” I hope we all learned something here today.
I remember a story about some punk who was chatting up ladies, telling them he was a member of SEAL Team. Problem was, he was doing it in Coronado (or it may have been San Deigo.) SEALs are trained on Coronado, or those that didn’t know.
I guess one of them heard him, knew he wasn’t anything like what he was purporting to be and called him on it. The kid knew a person or two, made a few references to a specific op or something showing that he had at least done his homework. By this time, about four or five real members of SEAL Team were listening avidly. They invited the young fellow out to the beach and, IIRC, took him swimming.
The thing about idiots who claim to be something they are not is that they don’t have a clue that someone who really is Billy Badass might be sitting next to them, quietly sipping a beer.
The old saying “it’s not bragging if you’ve done it” doesn’t quite apply here, instead, it’s more along the lines of “If you’ve done it, you don’t have to brag.”
I wasn’t talking about your story so much as the serious, angry responses it evoked in others, re. racism, his lying about being in Special Forces, etc. I don’t see this as an endemic problem. It’s a drunk guy in a bar. I don’t blame you for hanging around if you found it entertaining. As soon as I got bothered in the least though, I woulda walked away. Just sayin.
That wasn’t very nice.
I didnt see your reply in preview. Apologies.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Monty *
Ha Ha Ha! You’re describing Jesse Ventura to a T!
It’s even been proven that he was never a Navy SEAL, yet he still runs around claiming that he was!