The Straight Dope Awards Show

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

It’s amazing to me that any work gets accomplished in Hollywood. In between awards shows and all. First the People’s Choice Awards, then the Golden Globes, not to mention the Grammy’s, the Emmy’s, The Tony’s, the Oscar’s, the MTV Awards, the VH1 Awards, and the Nickelodeon awards!

So I was wondering why we didn’t have our own awards show! It’ll be the “Straight Dope E-Awards Show” and we’ll give away a crystal bong.

So, please, cast your votes and I’ll check the cost of renting Radio City Music Hall…and please, no wagering.

  1. Best actor in a good movie:

  2. Best actress in a really bad movie:

  3. Director who should’ve picked another career.

  4. “Must see TV” that we really, REALLY must not.

  5. Hunkiest male in entertainment

  6. Chick we’d most like to shag.

  7. Best prop in a movie.

  8. Music soundtrack that rocked (even if the movie sucked)

  9. SD Poster who SHOULD be writing sit-coms*.
    and finally,

  10. The Broadway musical that made me want to put a bullet thru my head.

*The winner of this award will be our lovely host/hostess for the evening.

2

well, the nominations so far that I can think of:

  1. Best actor in a good movie:

Nicholas CAge- bringing out the dead

  1. Best actress in a really bad movie:
    Angelica Heuston, Agnes Brown
  2. “Must see TV” that we really, REALLY must not.

my choice- Sienfeld (but Its not Must see anymore… am I right?)
6) Chick we’d most like to shag.

there’s something about Christina Ricci…

  1. Best prop in a movie.

The coconuts in “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”

  1. Music soundtrack that rocked (even if the movie sucked)

Judgement Night… or Benny and Joon

  1. SD Poster who SHOULD be writing sit-coms*.

Satan
and finally,

  1. The Broadway musical that made me want to put a bullet thru my head
    Whistle down the wind. -Lloyd Webber can go blow Goat ass for all I care

John Larrigan

“82.35% of all statistics are made up on the spot”–Vic Reeves

3

I’ll put in my own vote. Note that these movies aren’t necessarily this years. We don’t have any of those pesky technicalities.

  1. Best actor in a good movie: Kevin Spacey in American Beauty
  2. Best actress in a really bad movie: Annette Bening in “In Dreams”
  3. Director who should’ve picked another career: (tie) Stanley Kubrick and David Lynch
  4. “Must see TV” that we really, REALLY must not. (tie) “Veronica’s Closet”
  5. Hunkiest male in entertainment: Daniel Day-Lewis - I’d lick his boot straps
  6. Chick we’d most like to shag: I’m a hetero, but I’d consider walking the other side of the line for Juliette Binoche or Elizabeth Hurley.
  7. Best prop in a movie: The pot of boiling water in “Fatal Attraction”
  8. Music soundtrack that rocked (even if the movie sucked) City of Angels
  9. SD Poster who SHOULD be writing sit-coms*
    PLDennison

and finally,

  1. The Broadway musical that made me want to put a bullet thru my head.

Cats.

4
  1. Best actor in a good movie:
    Kevin Spacey, American Beauty
  2. Best actress in a really bad movie:
    Annette Bening, Valmont OR Minnie Driver, The Governess
  3. Director who should’ve picked another career.
    Harmony Korine
  4. “Must see TV” that we really, REALLY must not.
    (I don’t even watch TV…)Walker, Texas Ranger
  5. Hunkiest male in entertainment
    (This is SO not easy…limiting to two) Kevin Spacey and Joseph Fiennes
  6. Chick we’d most like to shag.
    *Angelina Jolie[/i[
  7. Best prop in a movie.
    The big cool spellbook in Practical Magic
  8. Music soundtrack that rocked (even if the movie sucked)Mortal Kombat
  9. SD Poster who SHOULD be writing sit-coms*.
    UncleBeer

No vote for the Broadway thing…the last theater production I saw was One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest…performed by the Lincoln High School Drama Department in 1993.

“…being normal is not necessarily a virtue. It rather denotes a lack of courage.”

5
  1. Best actor in a good movie: Daniel Day-Lewis in anything, except The Unbearable Lightness of Being, because that wasn’t a good movie.
  2. Best actress in a really bad movie: Cate Blanchett in Elizabeth
  3. Director who should’ve picked another career: Tim Burton
  4. “Must see TV” that we really, REALLY must not: Veronica’s Closet
  5. Hunkiest male in entertainment: Liam Neeson
  6. Chick we’d most like to shag: Adrienne Shelley (made a couple Hal Hartley movies and disappeared … tragic)
  7. Best prop in a movie: erm … I’ll have to come back to this one.
  8. Music soundtrack that rocked (even if the movie sucked): Trainspotting. Though the movie didn’t suck!
  9. SD Poster who SHOULD be writing sit-coms*: APB9999, based on his Noah’s Boy Ham story.
  10. The Broadway musical that made me want to put a bullet thru my head: Any Broadway musical! Yuck!
6

Best actor in a good movie :
(honorable mentions - Kevin Spacey in “L.A. Confidential”, Bruce Willis in “Sixth Sense”)
winner - Kevin Spacey in “Usual Suspects”

Best actress in a bad movie :
(honorable mentions - Christina Ricci in “Opposite of Sex”, Neve Cambell in any “Scream” flick)
winner - Mena Suvari (sp?) in “American Pie”

Director who should have picked another career :
whoever the hell made “The Big Hit”, freakin awful film

“Must See TV” that we really must not see :
“Mad About You” (was this show actually funny at some point ?)

Hunkiest male in entertainment : my sis says Mark McGrath, lead singer of “Sugar Ray” - I’ll take her word on it

Chick we’d most like to shag : (honorable mentions - Christine Ricci, Jennifer Love Hewitt) winner - Alyssa Milano, mmmm mmmm good (the ONLY reason to watch “Charmed”)

Best Prop in a movie:
(honorable mention, the ax in “Misery”)
winner - those pesky tabs of X in “Go”

Best soundtrack : absolutely “Judgement Night” one of the first attempts to fuse alt. rock and rap, and a truly terrible movie

Broadway musical that made me want to put a bullet in my head :“Oklahoma” where the wind goes whipping cross the . . . AHHHHHH - BANG!

“Solos Dios basta” . . . but a little pizza won’t hurt.

7

  1. Best actor in a good movie: Hmm…I don’t really watch good movies…Nicholas Cage in Con Air.

  2. Best actress in a really bad movie: Karen Kopins in Once Bitten.

  3. Director who should’ve picked another career. Alan Smithee

  4. “Must see TV” that we really, REALLY must not. Full House

  5. Hunkiest male in entertainment. Harrison Ford.

  6. Chick we’d most like to shag. If I was a guy: Deborah Duchene

  7. Best prop in a movie. Indiana Jones’ fedora.

  8. Music soundtrack that rocked (even if the movie sucked) Cocktail. Has to be good, as it’s one of only 2 soundtracks I own.

  9. SD Poster who SHOULD be writing sit-coms*.
    Mullinator
    and finally,

  10. The Broadway musical that made me want to put a bullet thru my head.
    Cats. And I didn’t even see it.

8

What! Both of these men are gods, as far as I’m concerned. I would certainly be a duller, shallower person were it not for both of their directing, especially Kubrick.

That said,

  1. Best actor in a good movie: Jack Nicholson in As Good as it Gets.
  2. Best actress in a really bad movie: Drew Barrymoore-Scream
  3. Director who should’ve picked another career: Woody Allen
  4. “Must see TV” that we really, REALLY must not: I don’t watch much, but how about Xena. Talk about stupid!
  5. Hunkiest male in entertainment: Tom Green ::snicker::
  6. Chick we’d most like to shag:Easy! That would be…(oh, in the movies?) I’d have to agree with Chris, Angelina Jolie
  7. Best prop in a movie: The pills in The Matrix. I liked the simplicity of the concept.
  8. Music soundtrack that rocked (even if the movie sucked): Zabriskie Point? :wink:
  9. SD Poster who SHOULD be writing sit-coms*: Sentinel. From reading the remiscing thread, he seems to have enough heart to bring a little genuine sensitivity into the crap-world of sit coms.
  10. The Broadway musical that made me want to put a bullet thru my head: I’ve never been to one, but Cats sounds like it would make me wretch.
9
  1. Best actor in a good movie: Tom Hanks in anything, but especially Saving Private Ryan and That Thing You Do.
  2. Best actress in a really bad movie: Natalie Portman in Phantom Menace
  3. Director who should’ve picked another career: The guys who “directed” Blair Witch. If you have no contact with your actors, that is not directing.
  4. “Must see TV” that we really, REALLY must not: Malcolm in the Middle. I’m not going to watch a show if I know I could never eat while it was on.
  5. Hunkiest male in entertainment: Pierce Brosnan.
  6. Chick we’d most like to shag: If I was a guy, Kate Winslet. Curves are where it’s at.
  7. Best prop in a movie: Wouldn’t call it a prop, exactly, but I loved Carl’s Jr., with it’s star motif, in American Beauty.
  8. Music soundtrack that rocked (even if the movie sucked): Mystery Men.
  9. SD Poster who SHOULD be writing sit-coms*: Satan.
  10. The Broadway musical that made me want to put a bullet thru my head:Saturday Night Fever.

Remember, I’m pulling for you; we’re all in this together.
—Red Green