The Stripper, the Bachelor Party, and the Wedding that Wasn't

[Typo_Negative]

@An_Arky

Groom didn’t spot the setup.

Yup. There was only reason to tell one of the girlfriends. He *knew *it wouold get back to the bride-to-be.

[New_Beginning]

@I_of_the_Tiger

I also have a story about a Stripper, a Bachelor Party, and a Wedding that Didn’t Happen. It’s a bit too convoluted to fully explain without backstory, but the outline is not what you expect:
The Bachelor Party was thrown for the bride. The rest of the attendees were male. Nothing even remotely untoward happened, it was a fun night.
The Stripper was not at the bachelor party. That was another night. Both bride and groom were present. The groom got a private dance. I had to physically threaten a local celebrity.
The Wedding that Didn’t Happen was called off the day before, by the groom. And yet, if either of the prior events didn’t happen, they would probably have been married, at least for a year or so. Not longer than that.

As you promised, not what I expected. And not particularly interesting without more backstory / explanation.

[lieu]

How about if instead of a bachelor party, the prospective groom and the maid of honor (definately not “made of”) spend the night before the wedding locked in a carnal embrace. Then, in front of all the guests at the wedding the would be bride turns to the two of them, outs them to all and calls the whole thing off.

Juicy fruit right there. A friend was telling me the following Monday about attending that service. Lots of "oh my god"s in that story.

[aaslatten]

@lieu

How about if instead of a bachelor party, the prospective groom and the maid of honor (definately not “made of”) spend the night before the wedding locked in a carnal embrace. Then, in front of all the guests at the wedding the would be bride turns to the two of them, outs them to all and calls the whole thing off.

Juicy fruit right there. A friend was telling me the following Monday about attending that service. Lots of "oh my god"s in that story.

Oh yeah, my friend was at that wedding as well.

[Miller]

@lieu

How about if instead of a bachelor party, the prospective groom and the maid of honor (definately not “made of”) spend the night before the wedding locked in a carnal embrace. Then, in front of all the guests at the wedding the would be bride turns to the two of them, outs them to all and calls the whole thing off.

Juicy fruit right there. A friend was telling me the following Monday about attending that service. Lots of "oh my god"s in that story.

Gotta respect the bride’s awesome theatrical sense on that one. Even more if she was able to hold it in until the minister got to the vows.

[bup]

@aaslatten

Oh yeah, my friend was at that wedding as well.

Yeah, a friend of mine was there too. That was the same wedding where 9 months after the white bride’s bachelorette party (and the groom was white too), she gave birth to a black baby!

[Skald_the_Rhymer]

@Bumbershoot

Not so with the prospective groom and the bride-to-be. She was so upset she called off the wedding, and the relationship came to an end. And in an odd twist, the fellow who hosted the party ended up in a relationship with the former bride-to-be!

I suspect that was not an accident.

[Munch]

@Hello_Again

You would be totally cool with it if your wife/gf laid down on the floor while a totally naked man used his cock to remove money from her mouth?

I don’t think you’ve ever seen a penis.

If you have seen a penis and it was capable of what you’re talking about, you need to track that man down and marry him. In the meantime, please find another comparison - because “picking a bill off of someone’s face with their labia” is incidental contact, and not on par with having a cock shoved in your mouth. At the very least, it certainly is NOT “licking twat” as you so elegantly put it.

[Skald_the_Rhymer]

@Munch

I don’t think you’ve ever seen a penis.

If you have seen a penis and it was capable of what you’re talking about, you need to track that man down and marry him. In the meantime, please find another comparison - because “picking a bill off of someone’s face with their labia” is incidental contact, and not on par with having a cock shoved in your mouth. At the very least, it certainly is NOT “licking twat” as you so elegantly put it.

Part of me thinks that, in response to this, I should post a picture of my left penis, which is indeed capable fo what your describe, being 12 inches long, bifurcated, and prehensile. But most of me thinks you guys aren’t old enough.

[Knorf]

Personally, I think bachelor parties are a bad idea.

I got married last summer, refused to have one, and didn’t miss it.

[Harriet_the_Spry]

@Munch

I don’t think you’ve ever seen a penis.

If you have seen a penis and it was capable of what you’re talking about, you need to track that man down and marry him. In the meantime, please find another comparison - because “picking a bill off of someone’s face with their labia” is incidental contact, and not on par with having a cock shoved in your mouth. At the very least, it certainly is NOT “licking twat” as you so elegantly put it.

Just for grins, would it be completely impossible to for a penis to pick up a bill that was formed into some type of a loop? It doesn’t seem completely impossible to me. A bill is 6 inches long. I’m not going to ask my husband to experiment because I’m not touching currency anymore, let alone putting it in my mouth. But Dopers have tried a lot of experiments for science…

[Munch]

@Harriet_the_Spry

Just for grins, would it be completely impossible to for a penis to pick up a bill that was formed into some type of a loop? It doesn’t seem completely impossible to me. A bill is 6 inches long. I’m not going to ask my husband to experiment because I’m not touching currency anymore, let alone putting it in my mouth. But Dopers have tried a lot of experiments for science…

Yeah - most likely. I just created a little loop with a dollar bill that’s about 1 inch in diameter. The most you could do is get the bill to rest on the tip like a little crown.

[Harriet_the_Spry]

@Munch

Yeah - most likely. I just created a little loop with a dollar bill that’s about 1 inch in diameter. The most you could do is get the bill to rest on the tip like a little crown.

Circumference = pi * diameter
6.14 = 3.14 * 1.96 = almost 2’’ in diameter

And these numbers from Kinsey indicate that it should be possible for a male of average size.

http://www.madsci.org/posts/archives/2001-10/1002390703.Me.r.html

[Mtgman]

Hmm, I’m seeing the genesis of a new stripper party game here. Make a tube out of a bill, stick it on the fella, and let her retrieve it in various ways. Works for bachelorette parties too, make a tube, have the male stripper retrieve it from somewhere.

Enjoy,
Steven

[Malacandra]

@Skald_the_Rhymer

Part of me thinks that, in response to this, I should post a picture of my left penis, which is indeed capable fo what your describe, being 12 inches long, bifurcated, and prehensile. But most of me thinks you guys aren’t old enough.

Mine’s exactly 12 inches long, dead straight along the edge and marked with eighth-inch gradations.

But I don’t use it as a rule.

[Harriet_the_Spry]

Well, they’ll have to be spry. You can name the game after me.

[Miller]

@Harriet_the_Spry

Well, they’ll have to be spry. You can name the game after me.

Jesus Christ, has that “r” always been in your user name? I only just now noticed it.

[Harriet_the_Spry]

@Miller

Jesus Christ, has that “r” always been in your user name? I only just now noticed it.

Yes, Mille, since 2003 :)!

[Munch]

@Harriet_the_Spry

Circumference = pi * diameter
6.14 = 3.14 * 1.96 = almost 2’’ in diameter

And these numbers from Kinsey indicate that it should be possible for a male of average size.

Re: What is the normal penis size?

Well, that’s with a perfect circle, and not wasting any of the length of the bill (probably using tape to secure the edges). I just rolled it and tucked the ends together, like a person probably would in a strip club. If you’re calculating geometric formulas and messing with tape while at a strip club, you’re doing it wrong (or doing something that costs a lot more than a soon-to-be-unsanitary twenty).

[FallenAngel]

I’ve been the bachelor party coordinator a few times.

Here’s the rule: EVERYONE involved gets the cover story that through a series of misadventures no one can really relate, we ended up locked in a Christian Science reading room until 2 a.m. when the custodian showed up.

No matter who asks, no matter how they ask, no matter what threats they make, ANYONE who deviates from the story is due for a pummeling from everyone else involved.

First rule of stripper parties, you never talk about stripper parties.