Shounen yo shinwa ni nare! Now I have to love you.
{this is a long one)
It was my first trip over to Germany. The “Just Engaged Trip” with my wonderful fiancee, the future doomed Mr. Ujest. Going to meet the Germany Ujests.
Frankfurt Airport.
Hertz Car Rental
It is nearly impossible to find a cart to haul your luggage ( We travel light, but we were taking over a truck load of stuff and gifts for the family. Mr. Ujest and I were taking turns combing the airport to find a cart while the other person stood in line. Eventually, Mr. Ujest let me slump over the luggage to rest while he went off to hunt an elusive cart down.) Frankfurt is huge, like a mini-city.
I was exhausted after not sleeping at all on the flight and found myself standing behind some Yahoo from Indiana.
Yahoo: (grinning) Damn! I’m gunna be driving a BM-double U.
Me: (thinking to myself) well, duh, what did think they rent over here, Rube, pick up trucks?
This idiot started an intense and wholly frustrating conversation with the lone desk jockey ( who had the patience of 10 saints and spoke excellent english) explaining why the car cost so much for him to rent. (It was a full sized, four door automatic car. He had insurance and then there is the pesky little thing called taxes,which get you up the butt every time.)
I understood exactly what the desk jockey was saying. So did everyone in the line behind me, which was now at least twenty people, mostly businessmen, because the poor guy from Hertz explained this to El Retardo at least twenty times in that hour.
This guy was getting madder and madder that he had to pay like (say) $500 for the week. He felt he was getting screwed.
My exasperation kicked in and as a Travel Agent and an American, I felt it was my duty to expedite this situation and help with global communications.
I stepped up to the counter and butted in and broke down the cost of the car, taxes, insurance and whatnot. “Sir, you want a full sized car. This is what you want will cost. If you go to the other car rental places and ask what does a full size car cost, with all the bells and whistles that you are asking for, I am willing to bet the prices are going to be very similar.” He was not willing to go to a smaller car or a stick shift.
El Retardo did not get it. The wheel was spinning, his gerbil was dead. His wiring, I could see, was not up to code. This man was clearly peeling an empty banana.
It was my duty to teach him a lesson.
**Me: **{knowing answer)Is this your first trip abroad?
Man: Yes.
Me:What was the last car you rented?
Man: I rented a Taurus in Orlando, Flor-i-da.
Me: Do you remember how much that cost?
Man: About $175 for a week.
Me: Orlando is the number one tourist destination in the world. Very family oriented, they have to keep their prices reasonable to entice the families…blah blah. Subsequently, all the car rental companies run deals to get the huge volumn of business…blah blah… $175 is probably below average for what a full sized car costs there. [taking a deep breath to interrupt him before he can whine about the cost} *Now * You are renting in Germany. This is not Florida. You are on business, I presume, because no one in their right mind comes to Germany in February for vacation. It’s like going to Detroit in February, only cleaner.
If you came in the summer, the price would probably be more favorable, *however *it would still be up in the four hundreds because this is a) not a Taurus and b) not Orlando Florida. How much did you expect to pay to drive a full sized, automatic BMW?
**Man ** Well, I figured about $200, taxes and all.
** Me ** $200, taxes and all will get you a two door, hatch back (IIRC) Opal. Because that is what I am paying to stuff all of that (point to my embarrassing pile of luggage the size of a K2)to get where I am going, which is (through gritted teeth I stated this) *four hours away from here and I’ve been stuck behind you for the past hour waiting for you to make a decision of what is more important to you, spend the money to ride in a luxury automobile that obviously you want to do or save the money and be packed in like the poor. * (This guy was traveling with four other pot bellied Yahoos.)
**Man: ** (starts to waffle again in terms that I cannot comprehend the level of his stupidity but it is along the lines of " But I only paid $175 in Orlando. So I interrupt him.)
**Me ** Sir, may I suggest something. [pregnant pause while he nods] Go rent a full sized car in Orlando and Drive it over the ocean for you needs here because you are never going to rent a full sized four door automatic BMW from Hertz, Budget or anyone else for that price you have conjured up in your head. Never. To quote Bobby Knight
(the coach of the University of Indiana, and it’s made up,but you can picture Knight saying it.)Shit or get off the pot.
The man decided not to rent the car, and as he walked off, everyone in the line behind us applauded his departure, which, naturally, is just when Mr. Ujest returns from a Holy Grain with a cart to see me get a high level of “thanks for doing that” from the Hertz guy and half the guys in line.
So, campers,lets review here:
A: Full sized four door automatic Beemers are going to cost you.
B:Orlando is a more cost effient place to go, but they do not have automotive plants to do business there to which this inbred knuckle dragging, short bus riding, deer caught in a head lights, would be silver back was going to.
C:While this guy is not representative of all people from Indiana, I must add, that I read his luggage tag before I entered the foray and discovered he was from French Lick.
Enough said.
I have a host stories about our travels, which I could tell, but I am pleading the fifth.
Not a 100% stupid question (well 95% stupid though). In some of the Caribbean countries the US$ spends as well as the local currency. When I went on my honeymoon to Jamaica the local shops preferred the Jamaican Dollar but would accept the US$ no problem. Also in some Mexican border towns the US$ is accepted. It seems people are willing to accept the ‘harder’ currency in some circumstances. Are they going to accept the US$ in Turku or Mumbai NO!.. Antiguia…maybe.
It is not a dumb one. I recently went to Peru, and in many of the open markets and sellers I saw, they accepted the US$. I always asked, since they would accept the dollar, but did not have change. I would translate the price(which was in soles), in dollars, and tried to bargain from then on. I only once changed my currency from dollars to soles.
You have to cut him a little slack here. In America, unfortunately, most of our coins are so absurdly low in value that you really can’t use them in any practical way.
If I were to walk into bar and attempt to buy a round of drinks with quarters, the highest-value coins most of us see on a regular basis, I’d be counting out forty or fifty of the damn things, assuming that the round costs ten dollars or so. I agree it’s pretty stupid and hope we can abandon our slavish attachment to the single-dollar bill, but until that happens it will take American tourists in Europe some effort to remember that those coins they get back at the cafe are really useful, spendable currency.
Me in Italy trying to ask someone to give my car a push so I could jump start it. He shook his head and walked away. I later realized that I had ask him to help me push my car to work.
I’m still sorry I didn’t intervene in this one since I speak both American Southern and English. A Brit in Virginia, US, ice cream shop asked for a coop(cup) of ice cream. The poor guy wound up with a quart container.
Opel, to be precise. It’s a GM brand. Not a very good one IMHO, but I digress.
Good job, Shirley. And FWIW, $500 week rent for a BMW automatic would be a steal in Europe.
When I saw this, it took me nearly 15 seconeds to get the joke. I vagely thought it had something to do with Nadescio.
But that was still pretty cool.
Same thing in the Congo, apparently. My husband’s ship has been stationed near Pointe Noire for the past 6 months and when they get into port the preferred currency is evidently US$. So much so that for this trip, my husband almost took some dollars we had left from our visit to the States last year, until he saw we only had $20 bills – sadly, for the merchants, too high a denomination for many of their goods.
Please do tell, Shirley, especially if they include phrases like
**
Thank you. It took me nearly a full thirty seconds to dislodge a chocolate chip I tried to expell through my nose while laughing at your story.
(And yup, we get the same yahoos arguing over the rental car and hotel taxes here in Orlando, even with the ‘low’ prices.)
One little problem is that it is not really a travel stupidity but just run of the mill stupidity.
I was riding on the bus behind these two little old ladies who had come from someplace in the midwest. One of them turns to the other and asks the following question.
“If the sun being up means it’s daytime, how come the moon being up doesn’t make it nigthtime?”
The other lady did not know either. I was absolutely incredulous. I could not believe that any person would not know that. I still cannot believe that anybody who has lived 70 years on this planet and made enough money to take a 2 week vacation in Hawaii would not know that. Even now it just boggles me mind. I have a harder time wraping my mind around this conundrum then I do taking in an Esher drawing.
The orginal quote did not include “picture”.
The person said “painting”.
A picture may be a thousand words, but an experience cannot be described.
L
No, but she was comparing you to something otherworldly and generally regarded as beautiful (a messenger of God, as you will), even though noone has lain eyes on one (I’ll presume you haven’t), it conjures up the image that people hold of the supernatural. And a person’s imagination is always grander than the real thing. (Making you a 90’ bio-mechanical destructive force)
I’m aware of that. I’ve used the term myself (okay, ONCE!) And if the person SAID “That’s as pretty as a picture”, then Jomo Mojo might have let it go. The person said “pretty as a painting”;
A painting is generally a pretty thing, yes. But it’s like saying “New York is tall”.
“How tall?”
“Like… TALL.”
…oh. :rolleyes:
A painting is pretty, sure. But a breathtaking sunset just canNOT be captured in the limited frame and colours of a painting.
Nor can a person be limited by what you see as a representing photo in a magazine.
NOW, I wouldn’t have made a big fuss of it myself and, like you, if I would’ve heard this remark, I personally wouldn’t have thought of it as a particularly stupid one (perhaps one lacking in thought, but that’s about it). I’m just defending what Domo Mojo could see as a particularly silly thing to say, and why it WAS lacking in thought. Take it as you will.
Hear Hear!!
—Shirley, TELL me they gave you an upgrade (after all that!)
I meant to say “your sister”.
I’ve three stories for you.
Stupid Sailor story 1
Scene: Hangar Deck of the USS CARL VINSON (CVN 70). Nuclear Safety Officer is giving lecture to firefighting teams on certain safety procedures.
Stupid Sailor: What do we do if one of the weapons explodes?
NSO: {Immobilized in complete disbelief.}
Monty: You dumbass! It only took one of those weapons to take out an entire city! If one goes off, the rest of your body will be as dead as your brain!
Stupid Sailor story 2, as related to me by NCIS agent upon his return from the Philippines to our base in Japan.
Scene: Olongapo City Jail, Philippines. The US military bases in the Philippine are closing for good in a matter of hours and thus the Status of Forces Agreement (SOFA) is expiring. NCIS agent is handing over US Navy Sailors on International Legal Hold to local authorities.
Jail Guard, speaking in perfect English: Okay! Stand in single file with your arms and legs spread. Do exactly what I tell you to do and don’t do a damn thing I don’t tell you to do!
Stupid Sailor: Fuck you! I got rights. I’m an American.
Jail Guard: {Beating the living shit out of the Stupid Sailor} Fuck off! You’re not in America now, you moron.
Stupid wife of Sailor story
Scene: PSD at NAF Atsugi, Japan. Monty in civilian clothes because I left something in my desk so I went to fetch it - I’m also on Special Liberty, this being a work day. PN3 who works for me is handling Temporary Lodging Allowance (TLA) requests. Sailor’s wife walks up to his desk at 1:30 PM (1330 hours).
Sailor’s Wife: Here’s our TLA paperwork. When will the check be ready.
PN3: Well, ma’am, that’ll be ready at 12 noon tomorrow.
Sailor’s Wife: Tomorrow? Why not today? You told me before that if I got the paperwork in first thing in the mornbing, I’d get the check the same day.
Monty, foolishly attempting to reason with the unreasonable: Excuse me, ma’am. But this office opens at 7:30 am. First thing isn’t sometime in the afternoon.
SW: I got up first thing this morning and had to walk all the way here from Yamato {next town down the highway}. It took me this long to get here.
Monty, being incredulous: Walk from Yamato? Why didn’t you take a cab, train, or bus?
SW: But, but, they’re all Japanese.
PN3: No kidding, lady. What did you expect, SwissAir?
Monty, exercises the better part of valour and returns to car posthaste where my girlfriend was waiting for me.
Darqangelle - I have used that same expression “It looks just like a painting”. I have also heard many other say the say the same thing.
I think you are trying to read way too much into things. When I have used it, I know full well that the natural version is much more impressive than a painting, however, once in a while you get a sunset or some other natural occurrence that is so impressive that it almost seems impossible.
There are no limitations to paintings, hell, you can paint a purple dog or a couple of watches melting over the landscape, so whenever I have used the expression (and I am guessing others too) I have simply meant that the scene is so unnaturally beautiful that it looks like a painting. That the colors or scenes are so uncommonly brilliant, that they are almost surreal and look more like exaggerated paintings than your every day, run of the mill, less impressive common sunset (or whatever). Comparing the beauty of the real thing to a painting has nothing to do with it.
When I first looked down over the Roman Forum, I thought the say thing. It looked fake. I said to my son “Damn! It doesn’t even look real. It looks more like a painting.”
So yeah, there may be a better way to say it, but I have to agree with the others, I don’t see anything stupid about it at all. I know exactly what I have meant when I have used the expression and whether or not you understand the usage, it does make perfect sense to those of us who know why we have said it.
This one is not so much stupidity as not knowing the local language, but funny anyways.
A friend and her brother travelled in Europe some time ago, and they were visiting a city in Germany. They took note of a street sign near their starting point (a bus station, I think), so that it would be easier to find their way back. They got a little lost anyways, when they later discovered that there seemed to be many streets named, “Ein Bonn” (“One Way”).
Now when you put it THAT way, then I agree.
Heh! This reminds me of the time when my parents came to visit me when I was living in Edinburgh.
I took them up north to show then some of the impressive scenery found in the Highlands, when my mother suddenly mentioned that Tolet must be a very big city in Scotland. Not knowing what she meant, I told her that I never heard of the city, so it couldn’t be that big. “Oh”, she says, “how come I see signs every ten meters then?” Looking around I noticed that there were a lot of empty houses around that were `To Let’.
Of course my mother, hardly speaking any English, was excused for her blunder, but we were giggling a long time afterwards anyway.
It’s Einbahnstraße, BTW. But yeah, it’s priceless, and it happens all the time, too. 
Tolet? Too funny.
Also, don’t forget the very common German town name Ausfahrt. There’s one near every damn highway!