I join the crowd rising to my feet and applauding loudly!
Well done, sir!
Blinking Well, there’s an image. Weird dreams coming up tonight for me…
It brings a tear to my eye that I am allowed to post on the same board as you. I bask in your reflected glory.
On the other hand, the person who calls you at 6 in the evening didn’t really decide that it would be your house called while you were eating dinner. He or she is just some poor schlub who’s trying to pick up a few bucks.
Well, thay did decide to accept a job as a telemarketer. It’s not like telemarketing is the only job out there that requires virtually no skill or experience.
Cervaise,
I stand in awe of your mastery.
<gets in line to buy the t-shirt>
That’s true, and I’m not saying telemarketers are saints. They’re people, usually stuck in a job they don’t like much, and without any real power. The best analogy is that of the door to door salesman, who does basically the same thing as a telemarketer, and, who is equally intrusive. In both cases, someone is approaching you with a good or service you didn’t request ahead of time. However, and I could be wrong, people seem to tend to be nicer to the salesman than the telemarketer. Maybe it’s because it’s easier to insult or mind fuck somebody over the phone than in real life.
does anyone know if this show is sold out? my girlfriend’s birthday is coming up…
A quick search turns up 14 threads with Telemarketer in the subject. There are 182 other threads where telemarketer is mentioned.
This horse is not only dead, but the continued beatings applied to it are going to grind the skeleton into dust.
Cheers.
Amen!
Could someone pass the potatoes, please?
Cervaise: That was extremely well written. Need a job as a copywriter? I’m hiring!
On the other hand, when I got sick and tired of door-to-door salesmen, all I did was print out a simple sign that said “No solicitors” and stuck it in my window. I haven’t had nary a one in the 2 1/2 years since then. If there was a method to get rid of telemarketers that was equally simple, cheap, and effective, we wouldn’t still be seeing these threads.
Actually, I think tonight I’ll change my answering machine message to say, “You’ve reached the home of Joel and Katheryn Saunders. If you are a telephone solicitor or telemarketer, please put us on your do not call list. Otherwise, please leave your name and number, etc.” I guess that would be the equivolant of the sign on the front of the house, but would it be effective or binding? Do telemarketers listen to telephone messages or would they simply hang-up as soon as they knew it was a machine and call back later anyway?
Finally, the thing that really, really frosts me is the autodialer. I hate answering the phone only to hear a “click” because someone else answered their phone 1/10th of a second faster than I did and got the speil instead. Not that I want the speil, but I hate getting 2 or 3 or more of these in a single afternoon. When I lived at home and this first started happening, my mom thought we were being stalked! But she talked to the phone company and they said, nope, it’s autodialers calling a bunch of numbers at once and talking to the first one who answers. That’s just cruel.
Outstanding, Cervaise!
My favorites:
“The irony here is so thick, I can wrap it around my car and call it a safety cage.”
“Or, if catching flies is our objective, we can all gather around you, ask you to open your mouth, and watch the filthy insects gravitate to the shit you’re full of.”
Not to add to add to the pool of adulation that threatens to drown you Cervaise, but you do show a mastery of Pit-craft.
Toxic Shock Robot will be the name of my rock group, if I ever get around to forming it.
I read this thread because it was mentioned in your sig in the “expanding universe” thread and now…now I’ve been forced to muffle my laughter in the middle of this library!
Do you know how hard it is to muffle “I’m-either-going-to-
cry-or-pee” laughter?!?!?
Damn fine thread! Have you concidered joining The Church of the Subgenius? My husband is a “minister” for them and we could use more brazen and witty people like you!
Praise Bob,
Patty
Now THAT’S why I joined this board! Woo-hoo!
I’ve found that you can tell a Hellamarketer is on the phone when you hear a little click after you answer the phone. It’s such a delight to shut them off before they even start.
The post was cool, but the “Warriors, come out and play” reference was the icing on the cake.
Daddy Mack, Baby. Or so to speak.
Rock on, Cervaise.
Poetic in its beauty, flawless in its delivery. I join the masses in adoration. I echo the others who say
“This one will go down in infamy.”
But where is Claudia?
Our phone company offers “privacy plus” caller I.D. which we had for a while. It cost a few bucks a month, but while we had it we received not a single telemarketing call.
Good post!
Cheers!
Gr8Kat:
We never listen to answering machine messages, and I doubt it’d be binding anyway - the same way it’s not binding when a child or visitor says it.
I’ve heard of the type of autodialer you mentioned, but it’s so obnoxious that I don’t believe it exists today. Modern computerized systems (e.g., AMCAT) work by using more dialing lines than there are agents, but since the calls can be transferred to any available agent, they aren’t “dropped” unless everyone is tied up at the same time.
DeskMonkey:
Sure, if you want to get calls all the time. If the company has a good enough dialer, you won’t even be hanging up on a person… just a computer that will happily call you as many times as you let it.
Gr8Kat, I once knew a guy who sold door to door and he told me that those signs tell him that the woman is a push-over and the husbands post them so people don’t talk to her.
Those are the house he went right to.
Now as for the OP. I think I am going to have to print that!
I laughed so loud my husband told me if I didn’t quiet down he was turning off my computer.
I could only dream of going all out like that.
Good show!!!
And one more here that used to telemarket. Hated it! I really did feel bad for the people I was bothering, and I wasn’t selling anything, I was just doing serveys.
Remind me to tell you all about the guy who trained me. What a gem he was. Was nasty to the people he called, and I mean NASTY, but he was earning money to be a missionary somewhere. Unreal!
When I sold burglar alarms, I was given a HORRIBLE script that went on about drug addicts, home invasions, rapes, basically was full of horrible scare tactics. There was no way I was going to read this script. I told my manager that I couldn’t work with that script and he told me I could rewrite it, and I toned it down a LOT. I think only one of my contacts ever led to a sale, though.