Do you guys need a Nerdy-but-Somehow-Imposing Director of Internal Security?
What about Marquis of the Tank Divisions?
Chief of Hospitality
It would be my job to make sure visitors are sufficiently and fully entertained and welcome, at State functions, official parties, unofficial parties, sporting events, concerts, movie and show premiers, lunch breaks, and otherwise as needed.
I’d would also see to all Government officials travel needs, so that no matter where we need to go there will be no hassle and a warm welcome 
with entertainment available as requested.
Of course I’d be working closely with such illustrious colleagues as moe.ron (Guy in charge of innebriating substances) , bouv (Secretary of Partying-Down!), JavaMaven1 (Head Chef), **Opengrave (Secretary of Entertainment) **, dalovindj (Head of the Office of Homeland Hippnesaucity , and even Mogwei22 (Minister of Erotic Arts & Crafts), Wump (Minister of Masturbation) , and Rye (Minister of Women’s Massage Therapy ) when necessary.
The position itself must needs then be a type of co-ordinator who can figure out what is needed and engage the proper authorities in their own areas. Sort of a glorified concierge, but with a bit more say and ana area of expertise.
Aargh! With all these Dopers off running the world, who’ll be left to fight ignorance?
I therefore volunteer to fill the role of Lord High Master of Hitting Idiots with Bricks.
I just thought that I should let everyone know that, by a strange twist of fate (no, not Twisty), the Minister of Naval Affairs is also responsible for traffic enforcement.
All peace officers are already being issued with paint ball guns (high muzzle velocity models, that’ll put a bit of a dent in vehicles if hit at close range) and a wide variety of ammunition hues. Henceforth, traffic enforcement officers will zoom down roads and highways, shooting offenders with paintballs coloured to indicate the nature of the offence. Billboards will be posted throughout the world, letting citizens know what each colour splotch represents. Peer pressure and humiliation will be our first line of defence against marauding traffic regulation violators.
Special attention is paid to gawkers (i.e. those morbid cretins who feel it necessary to slow traffic to a crawl in the hopes of glimpsing some blood at accident scenes). Special sharpshooter police units will be trained to arrive first at accident scenes and set up special blinds. From then on, until the accident scene is cleared away, they will pick off any motorist foolish enough to slow down for a look. Sure, it’s harsh on the first few idiots, but the rest of 'em will learn quickly enough.
Ok, I’ve compiled a list of folks and their positions so far. They go as follows. (In no particular order.)
[li]Driftwood: Emperor sub[/sub][/li]
[li]Kwyjibo: Department of Motor Vehicles [sub](Head of Secret Police. Shhh!!!)[/sub][/li]
[li]Nausicaa: Minister of Forced Labour[/li][li]jaemsc: Head of the FDA.[/li][li]Tranquilis: First High Secretary of Lost Causes[/li][li]Ferrous: Foreign Minister[/li][li]Opengrave: Minister of Entertainment[/li][li]Moqwei22: Minister of Erotic Arts and Crafts[/li][li]FairyChatMom: Minister of Online Communications. [sub] (AKA:“Chat Minister”. Allowed to flog publicly.)[/sub][/li]
[li]Steelerphan: Minister of Big Projects[/li][li]Wump: Minister of Masturbation sub[/sub][/li]
[li]Tretiak: Commissioner of Hockey[/li][li]Globe-Trotter: Head of IIA (Internal Intelligence Agency) / International Spy. [sub] (Licensed to do what ever she damned well feels like.) [/sub][/li]
[li]moe.ron: Minister of Inebriating Substances [sub] (AKA: Beer Dude) [/sub][/li]
[li]kinz: Minister of Sanitation.[/li][li]ChristmasEve: Minster of Quality Control. [sub] (Cappuccino beans can be added but will not replace Gummi Bears. Besides, when all is said and done, there will be no more StarBucks.) [/sub][/li]
[li]bouv: Minister of Partying-Down.[/li][li]GingerOfTheNorth: Empress [sub] (??? Not confirmed yet.) [/sub][/li]
[li]Briminator: Minister of Practical Jokes. [sub] (Works with Foreign Minister, Ferrous.) [/sub][/li]
[li]Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor: Minister Of Giant Japanese War Robots Used For Slapping Around Punks Who Don’t Respect Our Beloved Leader & Emperor. [sub] (Essentially the “Q” division of the Secret Police. Works closely with me.) [/sub][/li]
[li]Treviathan: Minister of Propaganda[/li][li]Ace309: Minister of Greco[/li][li]Rye: Minister of Women’s Massage Therapy [sub] (Come see me when you get established. I need to check our your clientele list. 
) [/sub][/li]
[li]AtomicBanana: Prime Minister of Supermodel Bathing and of the Tucking in Jessica Alba at Night[/li][li]Dalovindj: Head of the Office of Homeland Hippnesaucity[/li][li]Nymaz: Lord High Ironic Executioner[/li][li]Zoogir: Head Zookeeper[/li][li]Purd Werfect: Apparently, our mortal enemy. :D[/li][li]Swampbear: Chief High Right Reverend His Holiness Keeper of the Faith [sub] (In charge of Emperor Worship.) [/sub][/li]
[li]Triton: Lord of the Sea [sub] (Works closely with Cerowyn) [/sub][/li]
[li]Cerowyn: Minister of Naval Affairs and Traffic Enforcement.[/li][li]Michael Ellis: Nerdy-but-Somehow-Imposing Director of Internal Security / Marquis of the Tank Divisions[/li][li]Bourbonstew: Chief of Hospitality [sub] (Works alongside Opengrave.) [/sub][/li]
[li]Mysphyt: Lord High Master of Hitting Idiots with Bricks. [sub] (Works with Michael Ellis and spends spare time with Emperor chucking bricks at passer-bys from the palace walls.) [/sub][/li]
There are still plenty of positions available!
(If I missed one, let me know.)
Make it gummi beers*, then we’ll talk.
Let’s see…A harem…power over the people…
Not enough?
:rolleyes: Sheesh! There’s no pleasing some people.
A harem, uniform, ray gun, villa and gummi bears… Count me in!
I’d like to be Minister of Fashion Police anyone who has the indecency to dress obviously decades behind (unless retro is in or for a similar good reason) or big women who wear soooooo little will be forced to wear uniforms of our making that are both decent and eye catching (though can be made individually do they flatter each person). Make-up lessons will be taught so no one will ever go out looking like a child playing in mothers makeup (unless they are a clown or a child playing with mothers makeup) and perfume shall never overcome another person again!
I’m taking Russell Crowe, Michael T Weiss, and Heath Ledger for my harem. Or at the least Michael. All gummi bears are fine but I will not give up my share of the reds to others. I don’t mind black leather and metal but make sure it is fitted right I don’t need it to chafe and I need a holster like Lara Croft’s for my raygun. Can my Villa be on one of the Hawaiian islands?
Kwyjibo…what about me??? Shouldn’t your wife get a prominent position within the government???
Ah! I bet I know who the REAL power behind the secret pol…er, the DMV is going to be! ::snicker,snicker::
I bet kwyjibo doesn’t even get a harem now!
Woohoo! I’ve always wanted that license! I’ll try to use it wisely.
Yes, and I shall call you, “Mini Me”.
Sure, just pick a position. I’m flexable.
(Take that how you will folks.)
Ahh…this is something we have already talked about.
Yes, I get my Harem…and so does she.
The position is yours.
Sure, pick an island.
Hey, what happened to “Cougarfang, Minister of Humans”? Hm?
grumble grumble [sub]gender[/sub] grumble grumble [sub]forgot me[/sub] grumble grumble grumble…
Hmmm…
Let’s see… I’m torn between requesting a high falutin’ position, or just volunteering to join a harem.
Oh wait, I know! Somebody’s got to properly train all those harem-boys!!!
How about Mistress of the Harem-boys?
I’ll get 'em all properly trained, and equipped, for keeping their ladies happy
Oh, I don’t know…Minister of Humans…conflict of Imperial interests? Probably.
I think we’ll put you in charge of the Imperial Complaints Department. If any humans complain about the way we run things, you can claw them at will. Sound good?
You got it!
(But I have a feeling that many of the men will be leaving their positions to join the harems.)
Whoo hoo!
Uhm I don’t know which Island… but one of the less volcanic ones as I don’t want my Villa going up in smoke!
Don’t worry about it. There are plenty islands in the south Pacific if it does.
NOTE:
I was just chastised by Trinity for giving the “Empress” position away. It was agreed years ago that Trin would be the Empress.
But what’s done is done. Trin can be the Emperor’s mistress.