In the middle of Chuck Klosterman’s book Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, he has a section entitled “The twenty-three questions I ask everybody I meet in order to decide if I can really love them.” He then asked a bunch of “what-if” questions that range from the sublime (paraphrase: Which is more impressive to you - a real magician who can only do a few trivial conjurings, or Albert Einstein?) to the ridiculous (paraphrase: If a genetically-enhanced gorilla was capable of playing pro football, would you let it?).
I found Question #21 to be the most interesting:
Imagine you could go back to the age of five and relive the rest or your life, knowing everything that you know now. You will reexperience your entire adolescence with both the cognitive ability of an adult and the memories of everything you’ve learned from having lived your life previously.
Would you lose your virginity earlier or later than you did the first time around (and by how many years)?
How would you answer this question? and more importantly - why?
I know, I know - I gotta go first, even though I swore that I would never divulge this type of info on a message board - I just find the question interesting enough to hang out there that I guess I am willing to ‘fess up. For me, I was 19 and I would do it two years’ earlier at 17. Why? I don’t think I was emotionally ready much before that, but I have found that sex is something that one gets better at with practice (like most things), so the sooner I get started the better. Also, frankly, if I was very careful about practicing safe sex, I think I would be less discriminating about partners - meaning, I wouldn’t just slut about by any means, but I would try to have a few more partners and, for want of a better term, “get more practice.”
Having lost my virginity at the age of 24, I would have gone back and lost it a lot earlier, probably when I was 15. There was this girl in high school that I would have much rather lost it to.
I’d lose it earlier by just a few months. My first time was drunk with my boyfriend, I had the chance a couple months earlier with another guy who I really liked and there was much better chemistry there. But I had to go home because of how the buses ran.
If I could I would’ve gone back and said screw getting home on time, I’ll stay the night. I wish I had
Well, I had the chance when I was 15, and decided I wasn’t ready. So not that much earlier. Then I decided I was around 16-17 but all the guys I was hanging out with were gay. So I had to wait till 18 (when a gay friend introduced me to a guy he wasn’t getting anywhere with :D).
Might have been better to have done it before I left home/high school…so, earlier.
Hmmm. I think I’d just do what I did the first time around. I’m pretty happy with the decisions I made back then, but if I have to make a choice then it would be earlier.
Wouldn’t change a thing about the timing. I was 20 (my 20th birthday, actually, though that was just how it worked out – I got back from Christmas vacation that night), and the guy was one of the great loves of my life.
The only thing that would be better would be knowing in advance that I shouldn’t be worried about being the only virgin left anywhere on a campus of some 24,000 students.
Part of me would like to say earlier. I was ready, but I don’t think she was ready, and I really don’t think she would believe me if I said “It’s ok, I know we’ll turn out just fine since I lived this once already.” Ultimately I don’t think I’d change the timing. I would change the location to some place a bit more comfortable, though.
Oh, why do I always feel compelled to answer these things?? Anyway, another previous 24 year old checking in and I’d have gone much sooner, to the first serious love I had, when we were engaged 20-21, would’ve been about right. But I was too messed up from a problematic religious upbringing and the pressure was overwhelming great to remain ‘pure’ (what a laugh!) until I was married. Guess that didn’t include oral sex, which was, apparently, perfectly acceptable.
So, I’d trade that in for less hang-ups and more maturity (about a lot of stuff) for what would’ve been my future. Otherwise, I think it might have made me a little more of an early star-crossed romantic, but then reality would’ve erradicated to the point that I wouldn’t just now have gone through that aspect at 35ish. Therefore, I would’ve been more ready on both counts.
Wouldn’t change the timing or other circumstances at all. I’m still good friends with the gentleman in question (and his wife, for that matter, although boy, was that a weird wedding to go to).
I am, however, really glad it didn’t happen on two previous occasions when it almost did – one was a few months earlier with the same guy, but the timing was all wrong. And the other was a year or so before that with a guy who was a completely abusive jerk. Boy, am I glad it wasn’t then, or with him.
I would have waited. I lost my virginity at 14, which was way too young and made our relationship much too serious and complicated. I should have concentrated more on school and having fun, rather than dealing with one boy who was so “in love” with me that he tried to control everything I did. Not only would I wait an extra 4 years (at least), I would have never let that particular boy within 100 yards of me.
I’m glad I lost mine when I did. I was 19, had been dating the guy for a few months, he wasn’t the love of my life, but I liked him ok. All in all a decent experience for a first time.
For me, the key is “knowing everything you know now”. I had the chance at 15, which I passed up primarily because we didn’t have birth control (she didn’t seem to care) and the whole thing just seemed overwhelming to my young and confused self. (I didn’t know anything about sex apart from the fact that it was wrong, so I didn’t have a lot to work with.)
With the experience and perspective I have now, I think sex would have been good with that girl, much much better than the one to whom I actually lost my virginity at 17. Plus, having my first experience with someone who actually liked sex would have saved me several years of misconceptions about women and sex in general.
I’m not sure it’d be worth having to relive being a teenager again, though. Ugh.
