Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely despise the taste and texture of semen. It’s the fact that I dislike it that makes it so much more enjoyable to indulge in. I have a kind of a submission fetish, and my semen-eating fantasies generally involve a situation where a female acquaintance forces me to eat semen somehow. My most prevalent one is one where I deliberately give blackmail material to this girl I used to go to HS with, and she ends up prosituting me to guys in the school. I’m sucking dick and getting ass fucked for minimal amounts of money for her. I think this reveals a bit about my sexual orientation. I’m physically attracted to both males and females, but only psychologically attracted to females.
You know, I tried, and tried, and tried to think of worse stuff to share.
Sweet mother of Jesus. I’m hanging up my belt.
SPOOFE, I’m giving you my title. Enjoy.
Sweet holy God.
–Tim
I have, on occasion, gotten bored, and to amuse myself, I proceeded to take my extra-pointy tweezers and pluck away my leghair and the hairs that do not belong as part of my bikini line. I was overzealous one time, and it took about a month for me not to be partially bald down there. That itched like a mother[expletive].
As I read this thread, I kept saying “yuck” “ick” “eeeewwww”. Then I remembered an old girlfriend who used to say “Ish” instead. Now I miss her. Alot. <sigh>
Okay, TMI…
My schtick is 9 and 5/8ths inches long (base to tip).
And 5 inches around.
:::d&r:::
Mine’s 6.5" long and 6" around. Really. The punchline to a joke about me (overheard–they won’t say it to my face) is “Secretariat”. Seriously. You think I’d make up something like that?
Well, hell, I can’t hold a candle to SPOOFE, but I can at least compete with the zit stories:
A while back, for reasons unknown to me, my earlobes started to get strangely firm. It was mighty strange, that both at the same time would start stockpiling pimple-pus, but they did. And nothing I could do would stop the process. There was no visible swelling or discoloration, at least not that I could tell, so I didn’t worry about it much.
Until, one day, while just sitting around, I gave one earlobe a gentle squeeze and felt a “squirt” on my hand. I went to the bathroom and checked it out; the lobe had sprayed my hand with a reddish-yellow semi-opaque fluid. Aha, thought I, these suckers are ready to blow! So I gripped the first offending lobe and gave a mighty squeeze.
Bloody yellow liquid shot out in a solid stream across the three feet between myself and the mirror. I redirected the stream to my hand to keep the cleanup job to a minimum. Seconds later, my hand was absolutely drenched (and I am not exaggerating) with my earlobe’s foul blood-and-oil discharge. And I still had one lobe to go…
Suffice to say, I covered my hand with Kleenex before squeezing out the second earlobe, which kept mess to a minimum. Still, the quantity of fluid and the force with which it vacated my earlobes astounded me. After the pus-like fluid ran out, the wounds didn’t bleed at all. I washed my hands, cleaned the mirror, and went on with my life.
Still, SPOOFE wins.
I’m definitely regretting making a contest out of it, and yeah, Spoofe DEFINITELY wins.
I’m sort of glad we detoured back to acne, backne, and ear-ne (who knew) - I was afraid the thread was going to end up in IMHO, titled “things you have placed in your anus on a whim.”
I’m sure slythe would LOVE that.
SPOOFE BO DIDDLY, I hereby crown you "Doper with the most disgusting, repulsive, and vile personal habits."
I hope to never meet you in real life, because I would worry about dodging whatever might pop out of your forehead or anus next.
Oh, and Feynn, if you come across this, this is my 800th post. :assumes the position:
Damn power outage! The contest ended 1/2 an hour before I could enter. Oh well, I’m hoping to meet some dopers sometime and I don’t particularly want to be pre-labeled (as disgusting, anyway). But, if it was worth it. . .
About 3 years ago I had a hydrocoele removed from my scrotum ( I didn’t mention this story in homers thread in GQ 
). After the operation I was gimpified and found it quite hard to walk. I was walking very strangely indeed.
I was washing myself one morning and slipped on a wet patch in the bathroom. I felt a tear and looked down to see some blood between my legs. I had ripped my stitches right open. :eek: I grabbed a towel and called to my mother as loud as I could. My parents eventually heard me and got me to the car while I tried with all my might to keep my boys in their rightful place.
I got to the A&E dept. and a nurse told me to sit down and wait. “HE WILL FUCKING NOT” was my fathers reply. He then went on to describe my plight. Needless to say I was hurried through and seen too.
All was well until the infection kicked and everything in the whole area swelled up and got very pussie. I had to go everyday for 2 weeks to get my dressing changed.
The worst two weeks ever
Here’s my TMI: This thread currently has 69 posts.
Whoops, not any more!
My new sig. I’m proud.
Perhaps I should explain myself… I’m a Theatre person. This sort of “life” (if you can call it that) tends to lead one to do very bizarre things. It makes it easier to do only slightly bizarre things in front of an audience of several thousand. Also, it leaves one very open about their personal lives.
Anyway, I would continue with the TMI, but just about everything else consists of the kind of stuff that would leave everyone depressed, so I think I’ll leave the contest alone (unless a foolish challenger comes along, mwahahahahahaha!!!)
SPOOFE, I beg you, do not try to explain yourself any further. :sticks fingers in ears and hums:
yojimbo - nice try, but having a serious medical condition does not even approach the level of disgusting things that your competitors have done on purpose. Hope your boys are okay now.
They’re grand
Now, shouldn’t that be ?
<d&r>
Just for the record. We who are medically trained learn early on NEVER to refer to something as having PUSSIE DRAINAGE, even if it is vaginal drainage.
The correct term(and for the love of God, please use it)
is PURULENT.
Although I am a bit intrigued by the thought of you having PUSSIE DRAINAGE from your TESTICLES:rolleyes:
Are you halfway through your sex change op or something?
I still do. I’ve worn dresses before, but for completely different reasons (I think I was 5 or 6 . . . my sister and I were like "I wonder . . . ". Parents told me to change back into my regular clothes.)
As those who’ve visited the Penile Lengthening Column thread know, when I was four I got circumcised. I had phimosis.
Can’t think of much else I really feel comfortable telling y’all . . .
Oh, I didn’t even SEE that . . . I’ve put money, straws, buttons . . . lots of stuff up my ass. Really freaked people out in high school. Thing is, I can, unless I need to take a shit, keep things up there for long stretches of time. I can see that being mighty useful.
You just reminded me of Pulp Fiction and that damned watch. Lol.
iampunha, you frighten me.
With your body cavity hiding skills and your long pretty hair, you should make plenty of friends in prison.