Since I noticed that I’m in danger of becoming a One Trick Pony in a lot of threads I enter (personal anecdotes abound on the topic of mental illness to the point of hijacking), I thought maybe an “Ask The” thread on said subject might be in order instead. You know, to keep it all in one centralized location. And here’s to hoping anyone might be interested or curious, and/or, not know much, or need (from one person’s perspective), ignorance fighting. Therefore, without further ado, here goes nothin’.
First, my street cred: I’m OCD, BP, severe MD, multiple suicide attempts and psych hospital stays, former agoraphobic, anxiety attack riddled, insomniac and general insanity. I’m sure I’m missing some, but that should get us (hopefully) started.
So, if’n’ there’s folks with queries, fire away. Or others with the same thing or experiences of a similar bent, join in. I’ll do my best from this layman’s point of view.
Are you getting therapy with any meds, or dealing with this yourself? You don’t drink do you?
Do you like to walk in Nature? Do you still stay home a lot? Do you work?
I’ve never thought of you as any sort of one-tricker, but cool thread idea nonetheless.
How about your early childhood experiences? What was your first diagnosis, did you think it was correct then, how bout now? What treatments and meds were beneficial straight off the bat and which ones were not so much help? Do you ever look at the current knowledge and trends in mental health and get a little cheesed that what’s common now would have saved you major drama back then?
Yes, I’m in therapy, although at this point it’s a little sporadic with me being on my own and the sliding-scale folks far away. But I’m averaging about once every couple of weeks with someone I can afford. As to meds, I’ve finally found things that work for the first time in a decade. I did have a crash, about a month ago, when I was stuck in an interim between my eventually-to-be-ex husband’s change in jobs and my having run out. However, I seemed to deal better with it this time than before and had no suicidal ideation.
Not anymore. I’m not sure where before I stood on the scale of having a full-blown alcoholic issue, but I have given up what I did in light of trying to remain as better and fully functional as possible.
I do try, although I’m not always successful (unfortunately, see recent episode). The positive thing those is I live at a lake now, and have a brand new puppy that needs exercise, so that helps. I hope to do more in the future and get back to walking several times a day.
Only when it’s like what I mentioned above. The rest of the time, I feel pretty normal. Sadly though, it’s still quite a bit of work and I struggle. However, if that’s what it takes to make it, I’ll work at it no matter what.
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Do you work?
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I had been, as a waitress (which I found that I dearly love), until the restaurant I was employed at suddenly shut down due to bank repossession. We literally were there one day and gone the next. Now I’m on the hunt again and have a few prospects lined up. I hope to have something sewn up by another week or so.
[P.S. To any passing mod (or someone kind enough to report one of my posts, since I cannot), could you fix my title? See, spell check no helpy whenever you’ve been a dumb ass. Maybe I should just plead my condition, but the truth is I really thought “tails” would be cute instead. Maybe not. But yeah, that’s it. It was definitely intentional.
Thank you. I just wanted to head it off at the pass, in case I’m tempted.
I’m not sure exactly what all to answer this with, but my mother was verbally and mentally abusive. I also had basically no other outside influences. Add to that her paranoia, over-protectiveness, manipulation, domination and air of the megalomaniac and I had fun times. A bit of incest with a (step)brother and some physical trauma, but nothing I’d consider major. We were broke (though I don’t think that counts) and again, this was so my mother could sit on her ass and do nothing while my dad (at 13 years her senior) carried the load to an insane degree. Oh, and I was discouraged towards any education and hyper pushed into overdrive on excelling and a fundamental religion, which I see as a major contributor.
Initially, they thought it was all physical. I had special tests done out the butt (like a colonoscopy and an upper GI, all because I was fainting in addition to the intense stomach pain and panic, etc.) and then, when that didn’t seem to be the right path, I was simply called “too stressed.” Obviously, I think not being able to cope plays a part, even now, but then it wasn’t even the tip of the iceberg.
Unfortunately, absolutely none. Nothing worked, which is why it’s taken me so long to even partially recover (I won’t consider myself fully there until I’ve pretty much been stable for over a year and am honestly dealing with whatever life throws me). I occasionally had relief from PRN medications, like Valium, but it was very short-lived. Like only hours.
Totally. Even these days, it pretty much seems a crap-shoot. Most the time I expected the psychiatrist to just open their big book of drugs randomly and do a dart-style approach to wherever their fingers landed. It felt like that so much and many, many, many looked to me like they were doing this. Now, Lamictal truly has saved my life, thank Og and medical advances.
Exactly how debilitating is your current mental state? What drugs are you currently taking (and which condition are they targeted to treat)? Are you still feeling so ill that you feel your husband cannot find any sort of happiness with you? Do you have any sort of support system (friends or relatives) who you trust when you’re not able to make good decisions for yourself?
One other question. It is my experience that constant preoccupation with one’s mental state (which I know first hand is hard to avoid when you’re not feeling well) can really hamper progress. Do you belong to any groups or participate in some sort of volunteer work that would help you to focus less on your illness and more on other areas of your world? I ask this because I notice through your posts that you have self-esteem issues, and sometimes offering your good qualities (and there are many, as I’ve gleaned from your posts) to others will help you to appreciate your own worth, despite whatever flaws you perceive yourself to have.
I predict this will be an interesting thread. Thanks!
Lots of good questions! I hope I can answer them all well.
Right now, not too bad. I have days where it’s difficult to drive. I get easily overwhelmed, although it’s not as awful as it used to be. I have a hard time multi-tasking in what I consider the “bigger” things, ie: working, socializing and cleaning the house/running errands all in one. However, at my absolute worst (Og I hope this doesn’t get me castigated – but if it’ll help someone else), I wouldn’t go out for haircuts (which is why I’ve completely shaved my head twice) or things like dental appointments, which could just wait. Long periods without bathing, living in abject squalor and not even mustering simple things like cleaning out the kitty litter. Foregoing everything from funerals of loved ones to the dangling treats/fun stuff sent my way. I cut off all friends, emails even were too much and some days, I never got out of bed except to go to the bathroom. What I’m not telling is probably due to a mental block. :eek:
As I said, one is a huge dosage of Lamictal, for the depression. The other is a substantial bit of Prozac, which, IIRC, covers the anxiety. I’m not sure which does a bit of both.
Not at the moment, but overall, it’s pretty truly destroyed everything we could ever share as spouses. He deserves so much out of life that if we stay together he’ll never have. And he is by far the most saint-like and amazing person I’ve ever known, so after almost a decade, he should enjoy life as stress-free as possible with lots of potential to experience whatever he wants/can.
Just the EtBEH (eventually-to-be-ex husband), wonderfool, and an online friend or two. My mother thinks she is supportive, but I’m sure that Manson thought so too. Plus, there is my part-time therapist, psychiatrist and the suicide hotline. And here.
This is unbelievably true. Sadly though, I really haven’t learned, no matter what course I choose, to stop the slide once it’s begun. A counselor from way back in the day likened it to trying to recite the Declaration of Independence backwards while being pushed out of an airplane minus a parachute. It seems almost nigh impossible to do anything else because your thinking and emotions are so fucked up and you’re terrified. I hope one day to be able to handle it despite that limitation.
Oh how I wish I did! I’ve had two other instances of “wellness” and in the first, it pretty much just appeared on its own out of nowhere and I did what I could (for a year, no less) sans meds or much therapy. But since I wanted my whole life back at the point, I tried to do it all just like before my initial breakdown. The second time, when I thought I was in love ( :rolleyes: ), I was barely hanging by a thread and slowly improving with help. I was also waiting on my knight in shining armor ( :rolleyes: ) to finish saving me so that then I could get on with the rest of my life. So I tried to hold out until that time and not push me over into total regression. This time I seem to have the chemical aspect under control, but like I answered to your first question, combing those things seems to exhaust me and put me on track for a possible meltdown.
Ah, another item I’m learning (hopefully to change).
You hit that lack-of-self-esteem idea right on the head. I suppose, for fear of it sounding like I’m hoisting responsibility on others, it really has been beaten down out of me. When crowning up, accepting fault and constantly offering a litany of long apologies was the only way to survive, lest my household turn into WWIII. Of course, it did it without my help, but as a kid, I couldn’t see that, and by the time I was smart and aware enough too, I was long since on my own and in the early stages of my illness.
::: sigh :::
And you have no idea how much I appreciate your kind words. Perhaps there are good qualities in there somewhere. I hope.
I certainly hope so and it is my honor if there is anything I can do, however small. No one should have to suffer like this, ever.
Catch-22 is what that is. If you convince yourself that the episode wasn’t all that bad, really, and surely it won’t happen again, and then it does…
I am scared of permanent employment, because when a dark period hits, it hits fast. I don’t -have- a month’s notice to give. I have maybe 2 weeks from when it starts to when I’m crying at the thought of having to leave the house.
I get told that I’m being silly, and that I’m pre-empting the situation and causing it to happen because I assume it’s going to happen. Nevermind that it happens once a year without fail (but on an erratic and unpredictable cycle) and has for the last 15 years or so. Nevermind that I actually spent the first 8 or 9 years saying to myself ‘okay, that’s over, let’s move on and forget about it’ and it happened anyway.
I think there’s a world of difference between accepting something is an ongoing problem and factoring around it (in my case, doing temp work) and brooding on it, but people seem to see one as equivalent to the other.
I don’t think that’s what you’re doing, Kalhoun, but I initially read your comment slightly wrong and it hit a nerve, prompting me to get this off my chest while I think of it.
But yeah, that’s it. It was definitely intentional.