My advice to young people
Strive to live your life in such a way that #RotInHell and #PissOnHisGrave don’t trend on Twitter after you die.
Y’all are too much! 
Those are words to live by, for sure. And something that youngsters can grasp immediately.
Has anyone orange blamed Hillary or some other Democrat for something like poisoning Rush Limbaugh with kidnapped baby’s blood and terrible pizza? I mean, the WORST pizza. Everybody’s saying this. Everybody. 
Rush’s last meal was Chuck E. Cheese? Ugh. Sorry, man.
PS: you misspelled ‘Killary’.
#Like
2 be or NOT TO BE! THAT is the qusenoop!
This follows, as unpoisoned baby’s blood would have cured his cancer.
I’m not digging out the cite for it now, but “Sources close to the writing process say Trump had to be argued out of including a reference to Mitch’s multiple chins.”
Dammit, let Trump be Trump!
No, that would require Trump to actually think about someone other than himself.
I can think of a game we could play if we were all together drinking. Someone describes the most far-out, far-flung, large or small event, and the group has to figure out how Donnie would twist it so it proves that the election was stolen from him.
Something like, “Earth-type salamander fossils found on Mars”
or
“Starred Michelin Chef claims he invented the Big Mac”
or
“Sinkhole appears in Utah desert and engulfs major shopping mall and sports stadium”
That would be fun. And result in lots of intoxication.
This one is easy!
“And they say they voted for Sleepy Joe. The ballots haven’t even got here from Mars yet - people tell me that a trip takes months, even years…not sure, but it’s a lot of time…but the lyin’ dems counted them for Biden. People have come up to me and said, and not many know this…Mars is the RED planet. They wouldn’t vote blue! But even with the illegal salamander fossil votes, I still won the election. By a LANDSLIDE.”
This just shows the messed up priorities of the deep state. They can spend trillions of dollars to find one dead lizard buried on a shit hole planet that doesn’t even have a golf course, and yet they wouldn’t pay a nickle to find the 12,780 votes in Georgia that I needed to win out of the hundreds of thousands of fraudulent votes that everyone knew were there.
I love you guys.
This big man, called me on the phone, crying. ‘Mr President, I’ve never seen a more Presidential President’, a marine, I think. And he told me that Big Tire was going to steal his sandwich, and I… I… I patted him on the back, saying ‘no, no, no, we’re not going to let that happen, Ronald’, big guy, bright red hair all over the place, crazy hair, some of the craziest I’ve seen, Mr Mcdonald do something about that, OK? I mean :waves hands in circle, shaking head furiously: Next time I see you I don’t want to see that. So I called Firestone and told the CEO to stop stealing sandwiches and votes, and he was so surprised, I knew, he couldn’t say anything, just stood there like a dog. Like a dog.
… But a dog with better hair than Ronald.
The Deep State strikes again! That basement under the pizza place? That was practice. And people have come up to me and ask, “Sir, can you tell me why there has to be a big sink hole in Utah of all places?” I’ll tell you why. It’s because there were 12,780 people from Georgia there – so they tell me; I don’t know – and every one of them was going to vote for me and that’s why – that’s why I should have won Georgia and Pennsylvania and Michigan and Arizona even though we couldn’t find any evidence because they’re just that sneaky.
I love stories like these:
I wonder how much longer the SCOTUS can stall issuing a ruling on those tax returns. Talk about putting a finger on the scales of justice…
But seriously, I love the Yoo-tons. Did you know that Yoo-tons… Yoo-ton men, they can have more than one wives, all the wives they want, it’s called, uh, it’s called, um, polyester. That’s right, these You-ton men have what’s called polyestrous wives and they can have more than one of them. It’s part of the reason why I won Yoo-taw, all these polyester men who have 10-20-50 wives and they felt sorry for me because they made me get divorced… did you know she wanted alimony? I bet if they had polyester in all the other states like Atlanta and Pennsyltucky I would have won. Their state courts made polyester illegal just to make me lose!