The ulimate "who would win in a fight" challange game

Cafe Society
1

Here’s how it works…I will start things off with a typical “who would win” scenario. The next poster declares a victor, their reason why, and then picks an opponent. The next poster then declares a victory and so on. The contest is assumed to be a straight-up fight unless otherwise specified but it can be a contest in anything. Feel free to handicap or equip with special powers as necessary to make it fair (or unfair).

If necessary, I will make a judgement in the event of a stand-off.

Example:

Post 1: Who would win - Godzilla (sized to fit in a standard school desk) vs Bambi taking the SATs?

Post 2: Godzilla - because he’s Asian while Bambi has no opposable thumbs to hold the #2 pencil.
Who would win - Godzilla vs Superman?

and so on…

Who would win - Skynet from the Terminator movies vs the machines from The Matrix?

2

Definitely SkyNet - it can send a Terminator back in time to stop the Matrix being built… The matrix couldn’t do anything about it.
So… Who’d win, SkyNet or Doctor Who?

3

Dr. Who. He would travel back in time and pull the plug on Skynet.

Who would win? Dr. Who or Stone Cold Steve Austin?

4

The Doctor. He has a sonic screwdriver. He would gouge out Steve’s eyes with it. Plus, he has 9 lifetimes of experience, including some viscous wars and fights.

The Doctor vs Darth Vader

5

Darth Vader…Ya know…Dark side of the force and that nifty lightsaber.

Wolverine or Batman?

6

In a straight-up fight, Wolverine would win - he’s almsot unkillable and Batman doesn’t go much for destructive weaponry.

Steven Spielberg vs. Thomas Jefferson?

7

Thomas Jefferson. Because he would edit the Declaration of Independence to deny rights to Hollywood directors. nods

Thomas Jefferson vs. George Washington

8

Jefferson, because while my boy George may have a capital and a state named after him, Jefferson’s got the whole of Louisiana behind him - and we know how dangerous those Cajuns are.

Thomas Jefferson vs. Jefferson Airplane, in a writing contest (I can smell UPSET!)

9

Erm excuse me, folks, as I understand the rules, each fight must be the winner of the previous fight Vs a new challenger.

10

Erm excuse me, folks, as I understand the rules, each fight must be the winner of the previous fight Vs a new challenger.

So it should be :

  1. Skynet vs machines.
  2. Skynet vs Dr Who
  3. Dr Who vs Darth Vader
  4. Darth Vader vs Wolverine

etc.

11

Thomas Jefferson can re-write the first amendment to deny musical groups free speech - then when Jefferson Airplane starts writing, Thomas Jefferson can call us Ashcroft to go arrest those good for nothing long hair hippies.
Thomas Jefferson vs. a ninja riding a dinosaur & carrying Febreeze.

12

Jefferson steps into the designated battle arena, and is amazed at how fresh-smelling the area is. While distracted, <fwip!> <fwip!> <fwip!>…three ninja stars in his back. Then the dinosaur steps on him.

'Ol Tommy never stood a chance.

Next up: A ninja riding a dinosaur & carrying Febreeze vs. a horde of zombie armadillos.

13

The ninja. He could use his ninja skills to get close to Thomas, spray the Febreeze in his eyes to blind him, and then the dinosaur would maul him.

A ninja riding a dinosaur with Febreeze vs. Mr. Mister, The Human League, Nirvana, Outkast, Blink 182, The Doors and Frank Sinatra smoking a joint.

14

Nevermind my last post.

The zombie armadillos would swarm over the ninja. Although he would vailently try to fight them off, and kill many of them, eventually the armadillos would win by sheer numbers.

zombie armadillos vs. Mr. Mister, The Human League, Nirvana, Outkast, Blink 182, The Doors and Frank Sinatra, who is smoking a joint.

15

As the super-mega-giga group of the century begins playing their smash hit Kyrie Don’t Want Me To Come As You Are an Unhappy L.A. Woman in New York, New York, Damnit, the armadillos tip off the cops to that funny cigarette dangling from Sinatra’s mouth. As he is carted away, the rest of the group disbands, unable to find a replacement on old-school vocals (ironically, Tony Bennett showed up 20 minutes after the incident took place).

Zombie armadillos vs. The cast of The Rocky Horror Picture Show (minus Magenta), all armed with Super Soakers filled with water from New York’s East River.

16

The Cast of Rocky Horror Picture Show would ressurect Meatloaf to fight the battle against the Zombie Armadillo’s. Of course the creator of Bat Out of Hell would slap down the Armadillo’s.

Oh wait! Meatloaf kills the entire cast of Rocky Horror after he starts a demonic rendition of The Time Warp. The agony! The horror!

Meatloaf armed with Tim Curry’s head and Dr. Scotts rocks vs. Rob Zombie with one hand tied behind his back.

17

Rob Zombie

Of all the Meatloaf body parts you could choose to replace, you only replace the head and rocks? You should have gone further if you wanted him to be able to kick ass (being hindered by the “man tits” and all).

Tinkie Winkie (of the Teletubbies) vs. Rufus Wainwright

18

bienville, you have to keep the winner of the previous fight.

19

Rob Zombie vs. 100 Smurfs overdosing on Viagra

20

As Rob Zombie frantically undoes the one arm tied behind his back at the conclusion of his epic battle with the Meatloaf Monstrosity, he hears a series of muted giggles and pattering feet. Turning quickly, he hears a high pitched female voice crying out “Help me! Help me, Mr. Zombie” coming from behind a small copse of bushes. He clears the sweat and blood from his brow and peers cautiously around the nearest bush to see a bedraggled and spreadeagled Smurfette, smoking a cigarette, hair in all directions.

“It’s horrible! They’re out of control! Please help me get out of here!”

Filled with pity for the azure elfin creature, Rob Zombie reaches down to scoop up Smurfette and reassure her that it’s okay now, and that he wouldn’t let anything happen to her.

He starts as he hears the high pitched shrieking of a hundred horny hobgoblins, and the patter of feet turns into a rapid high pitched thunder. Suddenly, the wave of smurfs crashes into him, with some jumping onto his shoulders and others attaching fishing lines with hooks into his clothing.

On a cry of “Heave!” the lines grow taut, as Mr. Zombie is pulled to the ground. Another wave of Smurfs immediately set to pulling his legs apart and anchoring him, spreadeagled, face down in the dirt. Smurfette jumps nimbly to her feet and shakes out her mussed hair, tossing the cigarrette to the side.

“Sorry Rob, but it was rough enough for me before they found Gargamel’s Viagra - once that happened, I realized it was time for me to find them another special friend…”

Rob’s eyes grow wide and as the first wave mount him, he begins to shriek…

100 Smurfs overdosing on Viagra VS. Screech, from Saved By The Bell, having inadvertently ingested a large quantity of LSD in a freak Chem Lab gone awry