Assignment Venezuela is pretty solid, really. It was produced for a Best Brains CD-Rom that never materialized, and was only shown at a 1996 Minneapolis convention. It’s a film about a fellow who moves to Venezuela to work for an oil company.
Killer Shrews is probably the hardest episode to sit through because the sound was so terrible. They really should have skipped that one. I was constantly cranking my speakers up during the movie dialogue then back down during the riffs. Really bad.
Gah…my bad. I could have sworn that was the one I recognized him in…
I had the same problem. Was the sound bad on the original episode? On all non-MSTed versions of the film? Or is it Rhino’s fault?
It was part of a CD-ROM project that never happened. It’s from the 50s and features the adventures of a man who works for some oil company who is sent to Venezuela on assignment (thus the title).
My favorite running gag is about the guy’s obsession with how narrow things are.
Haven’t seen any version but the DVD, but I strongly suspect it’s the quality of the original sound recording.
Very cheap.
I don’t have time to type them up before I leave work for the day, but expect 4.08 - Hercules Unchained and 4.09 - The Indestructible Man, later on this evening.
We watched *The Crawling Hand * (Episode 1.06, reviewed way back in June!) last night. Boy howdy, that was primitive. The movie itself is kind of mind-boggling too. IMDb informs me that Burt Reynolds tested for the lead twice but was rejected for performing too woodenly. More woodenly than the guy who got the role? :eek:
I saw “Killer Shrews” on our local Chiller Theater way back when, and can confirm that the sound quality of the film itself is abysmal. Considering that, the MST treatment is first class and one of my all-time favorites!
“Ve need ze eggs, as they say.”
**MST3K 4.08 - Hercules Unchained **
Available on Vol 7.
It’s Annual Wash and Wax day on the SOL, and Tom and Crow dread their cleaning. We see Mike playing Steve Reeves, Exterminator as the Mads invent decorator cockroaches, and Joel invents the Steve-o-Meter - it detects things that Steve Allen already thought of.
We jump right into the feature, which is a muddled mess. As Joel laments at one point, ‘Oh, for the clarity of Mighty Jack.’ Herc, his wife, and young Ulysses disembark in Attica, headed for Herc’s home city of Thebes, ruled by King Oedipus. I think we’re mixing our mythophors, but whatever. Loads of musical riffs this episode… half a dozen before our first fight scene, where Herc takes on Antaeus, who keeps getting up after Herc knocks him down. All that is pointless jibber-jabber though, and our first plot point is touched on as Herc and company take refuge in a cave, form the rain, and see deposed King Oedipus, and one of his sons, Apparently, his two sons were to time-share the kingship, but the one in power refused to yield. The dirty rat.
Host Segment One : Gypsy performs a musical number amidst simulated Greek decadence.
Herc meets with the brother in power, trying to talk sense into him. It seems to work, and he leaves with a treaty for Brother Two. As he and Ulysses wander, we get the immortal line : (Hercules, indicating a bird flying overhead) “Look! I’m hungry.” To which Tomwinkle retorts, “Listen! It’s cold.” Well, about that time, ol’ Herc drinks from the Waters of Forgetfulness, gets abducted by soldiers, and loses the treaty. Ulysses tags along, playing dumb… literally. The soldiers work for a red-haired queen who seduces Herc with food and dance numbers, keeping him drugged with the water. Ulysses tries to remind Herc of who he is, and calls for reinforcements via pigeon.
Host Segment Two : Joel and the Bots discuss other mystic liquids and foods.
Ulysses plots an escape - after discovering that the red Queen loves to mummify her mates into manly statues. His dad Laertes, warned by pigeon, arrives and stirs up some trouble. Meanwhile, the two brothers go to war. Herc remembers who he is, and escapes with Laertes and crew.
Host Segment Three : The Bots pester Joel about what the Queen and Herc do in their private moments.
The brothers agree to a duel to decide the conflict - both die. Herc and the crew sneak into Thebes, only to get suckered into the coliseum, where Herc battles tigers. The mercenary leader decides to press on with the war despite the death of Brother Two, and Herc leads the Thebans to crush the mercenaries.
Finale : Analysis of Hercules Unchained.
(More to come - dinnertime now)
I’m cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!
**MST3K 4.09 - Indestructible Man **
The Bots play a little prank on Joel, by trading voices.
Our feature is preceded by a short, part II of Undersea Kingdom. Yes, Crash Corrigan and the gang are back. Surprisingly, it ends on a non-cliffhanger.
Our protagonist in the feature is Casey Adams, AKA the effeminate father figure in Catalina Caper. Casey Adams impersonations abound throughout the episode. He plays Detective Dick Chasen - yes, I giggled too - and narrates through the film. Lon Chaney Jr plays the titular (okay, now stop the giggling) Indestructible Gent, Butcher Benton, who got locked up when his three criminal partners turned on him, and goes to the gas chamber. He has one ace u p his sleeve - only he knows where the money from the heist is, and he sent a map to his girlfriend, Eva.
Host Segment One : SOL Parade! Salute to ‘Undersea Kingdom’, ends in fire and explosions.
We meet a well-intentioned scientist working on a cancer cure, and he apparently paid off a guy to acquire Benton’s body, and in the process of doing his little experiments, jolts it with 270,000 Volts. Logically, this brings him back to life, renders him mute, and makes him bulletproof. Even as he offs the scientists to ensure he’ll get his chance to revenge himself on his former compatriots, that hussy Eva is making time with Detective Chasen. The Crew complains repeatedly about the boredom of the ‘date dialogue’ scene between the two of them - Tom even dozing off.
Host Segment Two : Joel explains Pain to the Bots. They all muse on what they would do if Indestructible.
Benton changes a tire thoughtfully for a stranded couple, kills the guy, and steals the car. He leaves the girl alive, resulting in an APB. He tears through a roadblock, policemen’s bullets having no effect. He goes to Eva, only to find that the map left in her care was stolen by his sleazy lawyer partner in crime. Thanks to the clues coming together, the Police figure out that it’s Benton. Benton begins to off his old associates, until only the lawyer remains. (There’s a lady the cops talk to in this part who just refuses to blink for the longest time - it agitates Joel and the Bots greatly. )
Host Segment Three : Joel attempts the Lon Chaney Eye Thing Supercloseup from the film.
During the break, the Lawyer apparently punched a cop, to get thrown in jail and be safe from Benton. The Cops figure this, and threaten to release him, and get the whole story. The Cops follow Benton into the sewers, where he hid the money, and bring the heavy artillery - a bazooka and a flamethrower, both of which put the lie to the whole Indestructible thing. Benton flees the sewers and ultimately, electrocutes himself. Or possibly becomes even more Indestructible, but losing the ability to think, move, or breathe. Out of the blue, Eva and the Detective marry.
Finale : Mike and Kevin as cops in Deep 13, the Bots force Joel to sign a contract forbidding him from making cop-donut jokes.
Signature Riff:
(on seeing a trolley)
<Tom> : “Clang clang clang went the trolley…”
<Crow> : “Plod plod plod went the plot.”
I thought I had not seen this one but your write-up brought back some good jokes.
Narrator: “Who’d believe a story about a man coming back from the dead?”
Joel: “Millions of christians?”
After the cops have been wandering the sewers for quite a while–Crow: “You know guys, I’m really starting to wish I’d worn shoes.”
You otta try watching it as a non MST3K production, just the straight movie. I had actually seen it long, long before e’er there was a Joel in space, and I viewed most of it with untold mirth. It was that joyously bad.
I forget, Howmany episodes of Undersea Kingdom did they do on this show?
Just the two, I think, Hyp.
**MST3K 4.10 - Hercules Against the Moon Men **
Available on Volume 7.
The roommate who introduced me to MST spoke of this episode sometimes, reverently, in hushed tones. For, you see, it is in this episode that the Mads improve upon Lost Continent’s pointless Rock Climbing with the movie’s interminable sandstorm sequence - AKA ‘Deep Hurting’.
We learn of the Kingdom of Samar, that suffered through a cataclysm a while back, which apparently deposited or awakened the ‘Moon Men’ of the title; They live in the Mountain of Death, and demand human sacrifices from the Kingdom. Herc has been called in to deal with this Moon-Man infestation, but the Queen of Samar is working with the bad guys, and tries to get in Herc’s way. Herc is stealthily brought into the palace to meet with the advisor organizing the resistance to the Moon Men, who dies shortly thereafter while leading Herc through a network of secret tunnels which are heavily booby-trapped. Leaving his daughter as a very attractive orphan, to catch Herc’s eye, no less.
Host Segment One : A booby-trap illusion and a cheap old water gag.
A monster attacks Herc in the tunnels, but is easily dealt with - the crew observes that Herc resembles a ‘Super Bob Vila’. We get more screentime for the romance subplot between a noble prince and the Queen’s sister. The prince is part of the ‘conspiracy’ to save the country from the Moon Men, so the Queen has him set-up to be killed - he escapes with a mere gaping chest wound, as Herc saves the day. There’s a callback to the Grimwald warrior schtick that made me snort with laughter as the prince fights his attackers.
Host Segment Two : The Bots are Buff, with upper-body implants.
Herc starts sticking his nose in everybody’s business, deciding to just go save everybody, and gets captured for his trouble. In a net. The man can bend steel, but the net stops him. We learn the Queen is giving her sister to the Moon Men so they can revive their princess… and we see some intriguing rock monster minions of the Moon Men. (Joel observes : ‘The Inhumanoids!’ which made me chuckle.) Herc is subjected to weird spike-pressure torture, but overcomes it, which apparently turns the Queen on, as she has him brought to her chamber. She tries to drug him, but he is on to her and cleverly dumps the drugged brew. Afte rlearning the whereabotus of the sister, he breaks his friends out of the dungeon and heads off for more heroing…
Host Segment Three : Pants tribute song.
And now… Deep Hurting. The Sandstorm sequence. Not too horrible as it appears in the episode, but long. And boring. Herc and the rebels struggle through the sand as Joel and the Bots begin to break down. Ultimately, our heroes save the day, stopping the ritual to revive the Moon Princess. Crow also gets in a good scientology-Tom Cruise riff that seems very timely today, 12 years later.
Signature Riff :
(as the rockmen advance on Hercules)
Joel : “It’s Clobberin’ time!”
Okay, request for info : By the time I noticed a certain recurring gag, it was too late to remember where it first appeared. I’m talking about : “You die, Joe.” It makes an appearance here, and I really wish I’d watched for it originally. Anyone else know the origin of it?
Not relevent of much, but I just got a new catalog offering from Best Brains. It’s cool to see they’re still selling stuff. (Would now be a good time to start beating the reunion drums?)
The “You Die, Joe!” is a reference to the WWII propaganda films where the (heavily stereotyped) Japanese soldier either yells it at Our Hero at the climax or at some wounded, defenseless soldier right before cruelly gunning him down. I remember seeing such a clip, but it may not have been that exact quote.
Danke, H-T.
I should get to do the next one tonight, with the review posted tomorrow.
**MST3K 4.11 - The Magic Sword **
We open as Joel has become convinced he’s a caricaturist; the Bots discover that they are nude.
Well, our movie this week stars Basil Rathbone, in his autumn years, and it’s a Bert I. Gordon picture - and it’s actually not bad. Seriously, this one was a pleasure to watch, and compared to the general lack of decent sword and sorcery flicks, this one’s almost like the Lord of the Rings of its day.
And it’s a really solid episode. We meet the wacky sorceress, Sybil, and her foster son; she also has siamese twins and a chimp in her employ. (On seeing the chimp - Crow : “Roddy McDowall, no!”) The son is in love, from afar, with a beautiful princess - who is immediately abducted by Lodac (Basil). He claims to have a grudge against the girl’s grandfather, when queried by King Grady (Merritt Stone). Lodac boasts of his “Seven Curses” that guard the way to his castle, and one knight agrees to challenge them in exchange for the princess’s hand, while the son (George) watches with dismay. Sybil forbids him to go rescue the girl and tries to cheer him up by showing him the presents he will receive on his next birthday, Let’s-Make-a-Deal style, and naturally, he locks her in the basement and makes off with the magic stuff, including six knights in suspended animation, which he awakens.
Host Segment 1 : Kind of a weak bit about Basil Rathbones, doggie treats.
George and his six knights offer their service to the King, and get to accompany Sir Branton on his quest. We get some shots of the Princess being placed in Lodac’s dungeon, notable for a perfectly timed riff from Joel as the camera reveals the other two female prisoners : “Petticoat… Dungeon!” George defeats the first curse, an Ogre, by making him dizzy by riding around him really fast - but not before losing two of the knights. Then they enter a foggy swamp - Joel and the Bots go off on a Pythonesque chatter here that may be original, or may be a reference - I don’t recognize it. Long story short, a knight falls in the soup, and as George tries to rescue him, Branton pushes him in.
Host Segment 2 : The crew tries to hold a Middle Ages pageant, but Tom injects depressing realism.
George’s sword helps him out of the water, even as his Mom escapes the basement. The knights have a little chat about the quest. The next morning, Branton rides ahead - to meet with Lodac. Apparently, Branton has a ring of Lodac’s, and has staged this kidnapping in a loose alliance. The French knight follows Branton, but is distracted and then nearly killed by a hag in the form of a comely French lass. Lodac makes himself scarce as Branton rejoins the knights - then messes with Sybil by breaking the magic mirror through which she is watching. Sybil promptly screws up a spell and removes the magic from George’s gear. Back at the quest, two more knights die while riding ahead, fried to death by extreme heat, with some moderately gruesome effects to go along with it. In case you’re keeping track, we’re down to George, Branton, and the Irishman, Sir Patrick. Branton tricks the others into a cave of ghosts, which seals behind them - and in a totally unclear way, Patrick’s “faith” allows him to open the way back out, even as it costs him his life.
Host Segment 3 : Crow sings - his crush having changed from Kim Cattrall, to Estelle Winwood (Sybil)
George sneaks into Lodac’s castle, but is led astray by illusions. Branton is likewise fooled, giving Lodac’s ring back and losing his head for his trouble. The princess is scheduled for a dragon-buffet, and George gets a window seat in the dungeon to watch. One of the clumsy minions sets free a basket of tiny people - who decide, apparently, to free George, just in time for him to ride out and face the dragon. Sybil remembers how to fix the magic of the sword, shortly after arriving and does so, allowing George to slay the dragon. Lodac is so dismayed that the old-but-spry Sybil is able to yoink the ring right off his hand. As he threatens George and the princess, Sybil transforms into a cat-beast and finishes Lodac off. Then we get the obligatory wedding scene, and discover Sybil’s used the ring’s power to ressurrect the six knights.
Finale : The SOL crew muses on words you can’t say on TV. (seven curses…)