The Ultimate MST3K Thread

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881

MST3K 8.22 - Overdrawn at the Memory Bank

Available on DVD, in Volume 4.

Ahh, poor Raul Julia. The same year Kiss of the Spider Woman would start to raise his star profile, he made this piece of crap.

Intro : Crow introduces his forced catchphrase, “You Know You Want Me, Baby.” He’s even already ordered the t-shirts. Mike tries on a few catchphrases, but none seem to fit. Meanwhile, Pearl’s holding a public-TV style pledge drive. With Ortega on phones.

We kick into low gear as the cheesy graphics of the credits sequence assaults our senses. An image of Aram Fingal (Julia) is superimposed on an ‘identicube’, leading to a couple of gems form the Bots. (Crow : “It’s a Raul-bix Cube!” Tom " Guys, I thought he was Puerto Rican, I didn’t know he was Cube-an!") We even get a glimpse of a (sort-of) familiar face, the actor playing the fat man bears a resemblance to a figure from MST’s past. (Mike : “Wow! Tv’s Frank!”)

The set-up, in a nutshell : Aram Fingal works in data entry. He’s bored. He found a way to “Scroll up cinemas” - meaning, watching movies on his computer screen. As evidenced by clips from Casablanca. (Tom : “Never show a good movie in the middle of your crappy movie.”) He’s caught at it, and forced to report to a ‘psychist.’ His therapy is a compulsory ‘dopple’, a procedure where his mind will be transferred into the body of an animal for a couple of days. Everyone hates anteaters. He makes his way to Nirvana Village (Crow : “Come, as you are, to my mall, to my atrium, yeah yeah.”) where a brain plug is installed so his personality can be transferred to the identicube. While he’s out, some visiting school children cause a little mischief that will result in his body being difficult to find later on. Then he’s inserted into the body of Daisy, a baboon.

Host Segment : Tom and Crow ordered a monkey, from Instant Monkeys Online, but it escaped. It enjoys pelting Mike with debris.

Here’s where it gets weird. I don’t mean the segment where the doppling animals get drunk on “maruba fruit”. Nor do I mean Fingal’s misplaced body, nor do I mean his doppling “computech” Appolonia James’s name. There’s a whole little subplot about the falling price of Novicorp stock - near as I can tell, it’s over in about five minutes and doesn’t have any lasting impact on the plot. Anyway, Daisy runs afoul of an elephant, so the technicians have to try and bring Fingal back to his body - but can’t find it. You can’t just leave someone in an identicube, apparently, and putting him back in the animal is not an option, for some reason, so they connect his cube to their main computer. Inside the computer, Fingal gets to shape the world around him. Naturally, he soon ends up in a simulated Casablanca. complete with a bar, The Place, owned by Rick, also played by Julia. (Mike : “Formerly, That Other Place.”)

Host Segment : Pearl and Observer sing a charming duet.

The Casablanca riffs fly fast and free (Tom : “You must remember this, this movie really sucks…”) and Aram goes to chat with Rick in The Place. (Tom : “Formerly, The Locale.”) Aram decides to try out his hacker skills, and the next day, in a simulated version of his work environment, begins trying to gain access to the supercomputer in which he is stored. He runs afoul of the Novicorp Chariman’s simulated avatar, The Fat Man, who provides the requisite threatening presence. Ultimately, he seeks sanctuary at The Place (Mike : “Formerly, The Site.”) and cracks the access code, causing a virtual snowfall in his simulated reality. (Mike : “This is how much pure cocaine you would need to enjoy this movie.”) Appolonia has to step in and ask Fingal to knock it off, as the Chariman is threatening to call off the search for Aram’s body, and he decides to dial it down a notch.

Host Segment : Tom dopples down to the nanite world. And gets his ass kicked.

Fingal prepares to go along quietly, but Rick persuades him to take a risk. One problem the chairman changed the access code. But it’s not much of a problem, he just reversed it. Fingal cracks the ingenious scheme just in time, and manages to take control of the computer completely, just as his body is found and his identicube time runs out. (Crow : You know, my apathy is palpable at this point.")
Fingal zips along in a cheesy graphics sequence as we’re left hanging for a minute as to whether he lives or dies. (Mike : “Vertigo to hell.”) Don’t worry, he makes it, and he and Appolonia live happily ever after. Mike and the Bots, frustrated, call the movie’s tech support line during the credits, only to have to hang up as they inadvertantly reveal that they did not purchase the copy of the film they are watching.

Fin : Bobo tries to talk the monkey down, but Mike has to resort to a blowgun to finish the job. Pearl wraps up her pledge drive.

Next : 9.01 - The Projected Man

882

Actually, it was a Commodore 64

One of my freinds actually knows the director of TC, it was funny, when they heard it was selected as an MST3K experiment, they were thrilled…

until they saw the MST’ed movie, they were pissed, apparently, they had never heard of MST3K or the “MST3K Treatment”, they weren’t expecting it to be “ripped to shreds and ridiculed…”
:wink:

883

Poor, poor Raul Julia. He’s made some good stuff but it seems like flicks like Overdrawn At The Memory Bank and Street Fighter will be his eternal albatrosses, hanging around his departed neck forever.
I love it when the top of Aram Fingals skull has been removed and Mike says, “Man, I really envy him right now.”

884

Mike Nelson talks about that in the intro segment on the DVD. That makes me wonder about the people who made that movie – were they truly unable to tell how hilariously godawful their movie was? Why on earth did they think anyone would have an interest in it other than to point and giggle?

Something to ponder: when people talk about independent film, sometimes they mean Pi, but sometimes they mean Time Chasers.

885

Projected man! Woo hoo! For anyone who hasn’t seen it, make sure to watch **Devil Doll ** first. There are a lot of DD references since they both have the same villain, Bryant Halliday.

“Are we not blokes?”

“Pretty, you may be…”

886

I need to speed up on these, but I just have so many distractions these days…

**
MST3K 9.01 - The Projected Man**

Well, what can I say? Yes, the Great Vorelli is back, and this time, it’s personal. Lots of riffs on Devil Doll, lots of Britishisms.

Intro : The SOL and Pearl’s Crew return to present-day Earth - Pearl finds herself strangely drawn to a castle, which turns out to be her ancestral home.

After a colorful credits sequence, we meet a pretty young lady, Dr. Patricia Hill, who is arriving at a secret British research installation that looks a lot like a primary school. She’s been summoned by Dr. Paul Steiner (Bryant Haliday), who, with his assistant Dr. Chris Mitchel (and a few ‘Mitchel!’ riffs can be heard) has been working on a teleportation experiment. Dr. Hill is a pathologist, and was brought in to determine the cause of death of the animals he’s tried using the device on. Keep in mind, the device works for inanimate objects, so what happens a little later on is a bit bizarre.

He demonstrates the device to Dr. Hill by using her watch (not her knickers). We also learn that the foundation’s director, Dr. Blanchard, has been giving the experiment a hard time - and in fact, as we see, is meeting with sinister figures who wish the experiment to be sabotaged. Well, Dr. Hill figures out the problem in about five seconds, after seeing her watch spin backwards, and they successfully ‘project’ an animal.

Host Segment : Tom and Crow ‘project’ Mike’s precious memorabilia… to somewhere.

A demonstration is conducted for a fellow named Lembach, who apparently is very influential on … science, I guess. Blanchard has sabotaged the experiment, though, and the device short circuits, ruining the demo. This sends Steiner into a funk, until the sabotage is discovered, and it is determined that they might be able to get things up and running again before Lembach leaves London. Things get patched up, but when Steiner tries to convince Blanchard to give the project one more chance, Blanchard informs him the project is being shut down. Despite successfully teleporting inanimate objects just fine.

Angrily, Steiner stalks off to demonstrate his success anyway, by projecting himself, that very night, to Blanchard’s house. Unfortunately, his mistrustful nature causes him to draft the secretary into operating the device, and a combination of that and bad luck causes the projection to be interrupted halfway. Steiner survives, finding himself disfigured, on the streets of London, and with the power to deliver a shocking death-touch. And he starts killing people.

Host Segment : Pearl studies her family history, and Mike and the Bots try to convince Lembach to stay.

Steiner breaks into a druggist’s, grabbing himself some rubber gloves to allow him to touch things safely. Blanchard sneaks back to the lab with his co-conspirator to steal the research, and learns about what happened - while his co-conspirator tries to steal the notes. Unfortunately, Steiner is back at the lab by then, and fries Mr. Eyebrows. He also kidnaps the poor secretary, and gives her the third degree about the goings-on at the lab, as his paranoia grows.

Host Segment : Crow has a touch of death. Mike disbelieves. Crow kills Mike. He and Tom have to drag Mike into the theater…

Whereupon, after a few minutes, Crow touches Mike again, and revives him. There’s some general running-about in the movie, but Steiner finally confronts Hill and Mitchel - they try to convince him to come back to the lab, so they can work on a cure, but he’s having none of it - more people to kill. In search of ‘power’, because his deathtouch is running a little low, he breaks into … a building, of some kind, and the police corner him. Bullets don’t seem to do much good, so they send Dr. Hill in alone to talk to him. She convinces him to return to the lab for a reversal procedure, but once there, he sabotages the procedure himself, and causes the equipment to disintegrate him.

Fin : Grant Day on the SOL - Mike funds Crow’s ill-thought-out idea. Rather than Tom’s brilliant idea with a shaky demo. Pearl chews the scenery.

Signature Riffs:

<Tom> “The Incredible, Edible Earth.”

<Mike> “Are we not blokes?”

<Crow, during the credits> “So far, the continuity lady’s doing a real good job.”

<Crow> “From the Wonder Woman line of footwear.”

<Mike> “And the plot thinnens.”

<Tom> “The English Harvey Dent.”

<Crow, as Steiner> “Man, this really bites. I’m going over to Darkman’s house, he’ll understand me.”

<Tom> “He meets John Merrick on the way out, Rondo Hatton stops by later…”

Next:
9.02 - The Phantom Planet

887

I was always annoyed by the way Steiners very successful project was simply brushed aside. And I could never figure out why. They drop a lot of hints about the hold Blanchards pal has on him, but nothing more overt than threatening to reveal “certain details” of Blanchards life.

The British sex jokes were pretty good, too. Or should I say, “Pretty good, they may be…”

888

I watched Hellcats last night and it occurred to me that we could play “Six Degrees of Anthony Cardoza” with MST flicks. The man produced, starred in, or was otherwise connected to, a number of movies that The Brains chose for episodes. He produced (and appeared in) Coleman francis’ flicks: Red Zone Cuba, Skydivers, and The Beast of Yucca Flats. He was involved in **Hellcats ** which had the same writer as Sidehackers. His use of Conrad Brooks and Tor Johnson puts him only a degree or two of separation from Ed Wood…

This may be bigger than the “Van Patten Project” or the “Merrit Stone conundrum”.

889

Heheh. I’m afraid I won’t be of much help on that. I’m giving up on grand projects for a while after I finish this MST review project.

890

Projected Man is a marvelous little gem. I love all the knickers jokes…and the “morning after” scene, with the snide remarks about our hero’s ("Mr. Limpy) sexual prowess…(ie, the heroine answers the phone “Unsatisfied…”).

891

I just got an e-mail from the MST3K Info list about Volume 12 of the DVDs. They will contain:

892

Excellent! Two eps I haven’t seen, and 2 of my favorites!

893

Excellent choices for the set!

I especially like **Parts ** and Super Dragon.

894

Airborne Refueling by B-1 Bob! YAY!
God, boring. And I’m mad about jets.

895

Boring movie; funny riffs. And it’s go the Poopy Suit Song!

896

Phantom Planet has been viewed - will try to type it up this coming weekend.

897

MST3K 9.02 - The Phantom Planet

Available on Volume 8.

Intro : Mike, Crow, and Tom have an Andy-Rooney-off; Pearl gets a World Domination Kit.

We kick off with the usual mumbo-jumbo about the space age, and get right into the action - a pair of explorers, in a rocket. You might think these are our heroes - but no, these are just sacrificial lambs. Their ship collides with an fried chicken asteroid and explodes. Space HQ back on Earth recruits another pair of astronauts, sending them to find out what happened to the first guys. They get right down to business and launch the rocket. Unfortunately, some small asteroids damage the ship, and our heroes are forced to do a spacewalk in an attempt to repair the ship - a spacewalk that results in one injury, one death. So, not so good.

Host Segment : Tom and Mike explore the ‘Good and Beautiful’ speech given by the astronaut killed during the spacewalk.

Somehow, the remaining guy manages to land safely on the titular asteroid, and stumbles out into a bunch of tiny people, Gulliver-style.When they open his helmet, their special atmosphere shrinks him to their size. They capture him, try him, and he is declared a free citizen of Rayton. (Which is the name of the planet.) We get some preliminary developments regarding a love triangle - he’s keen on the chief’s daughter, as well as a mute girl. Of course, there’s an angry rival type who also likes the chief’s daughter.

Host Segment : Ghosts in Castle Forrester? Not exactly.

The Raytonians synthesize some food for the astronaut - and really, folks, it’s just as exciting as it sounds. Back on Earth, the Space Organization prepares to send a third rocket out after the second one - because no idea’s worth giving up on until you’ve tried it three times. After a mercifully brief interval, they find the second rocket and the confused voice log left by the now-tiny spaceman. (The Raytonians used their gravity technology to push it off their planetoid…) Speaking of gravity technology, the rivalry for the love of the chief’s daughter comes to a head, and there’s a duel! The winner’s supposed to push the loser onto a gravity plate that will disintegrate hi, but our generic astronaut fella is too nice for that. We also meet an imprisoned example of the enemies of the Raytonians -a Solarite. Looks kinda like a dog, and is apparently played by Richard Kiel. Just then - the Solarites attack!

Host Segment : Tom and Crow play music on Waterglasses - Mike tries his hand, and turns out to be a virtuoso.

The Raytonian Gravity weapon is too much for the Solarites - they’re fended off, but not before damaging the Phantom Planet - the power to the forcefield keeping the imprisoned one in, is cut. Oops. He gets out, abducts the mtue girl, and injures the chief. The astronaut and his former rival (who is now inexplicably friendly) take down the creature with the gravity plates. Oh, and the mute girl speaks. Hooray.

Ultimately, generic astronaut cannot stay on the planet, as it will bring unnecessary attention to the Raytonians, so they put him back in his suit, the air in his tanks re-enlarge him, and he’s found by the crew of mission #3. At least, I think it was them. They could’ve lost 47 other rockets in the meantime, for all I know.

Fin : Crow as a Solarite, questioning his identity.

Signature Riffs :

(a nuclear explosion)
<Mike> : “Pat Buchanan’s first day as President.”

(the date is given as 1980)
<Crow> : “Oh, our old future.”

<Mike> : “The moon is fudge-dipped!”

<Tom> : “Who knew that Hall’s vapor action could be so powerful?”

<Crow, as tiny Raytonians> : “Hey, grab his Visa and charge tiny things! Run up a huge, tiny bill!”

<Tom> : “The audience is hemorrhaging.”

<Crow> : “They’re hurling flaming Milk-Bones at them!”

<Mike> : “Shake and Bake, and I… Death!”

Next :

9.03 - Puma Man

898

I could never figure out why the producers decided to make the Raytonians tiny. They get to use the shrinking effect…and then, it’s completely irrelevant what size they are (and apparently the Doggie People are similarly sized, btw).

Not that this is the *only *flaw in an otherwise excellent film…

And Sesom is Moses, backwards. Makes you think, huh?

899

Nice.

900

I really like this episode. The asteroid jokes had me in stitches.

“Those nooks and crannies really hold the butter. Over.”

It seems like so many of these sci-fi films have that pointless opening voice-over. Is it just to pad out the time? I think it’s a sign that the producer/writer/director thinks he’s making a quality movie. Perhaps in a pretentious effort to add “atmosphere” and set the tone. Mike puts it in its place perfectly: “That said, here’s your crappy sci-fi movie.”

Good point about the solarites size. They’re supposed to be big and scary but we could swat them with our hands if they attacked us Earthlings. This could be the only film in which Richard Kiel plays a monster less than a foot tall.

Some of the other great lines:

“Hey, check it out. There was this tiny little woman on the bottom of my shoe!”

“And you can’t say you don’t love me.”

Astronaut: “Love has to be given freely. It can’t be forced.”
Mike: “At least, that’s what the judge told me.”